Enforced Change…!

Since I’ve recently had my computer repaired, I’ve found it impossible to write anything.  I offer myself various reasons – I’m tired, can’t be bothered, don’t know what to write about.  Nothing seems significant enough for me to comment on….all lame excuses for my lack of creativity, which appears to be  having a rest at the moment!  Seems like it was more than just my computer that reached breaking point…created by enforced change!

Not only that, but instead of finding consolation, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to listen to other people’s messages of motivation.  Where an uncharacteristic, common response from me is something like old Scrooge saying…BAH!…HUMBUG!…to anything he doesn’t want to deal with!

The strange thing is that I’m not really that worried about not writing at the moment… And I don’t want to listen to ‘them’ as I’ve heard it all before, no-one is telling me anything new…etc.! (No disrespect to anyone here – it’s just how I’m feeling at the moment)!

So if I’m not writing or listening to others, what AM I doing?

Well interestingly enough, I am making decisions most of the time now…which is somewhat of a surprise to me, as previously I found it difficult to make choices which meant I committed myself to anything! Of course that reluctance is linked to my inner fear, my life circumstances, and my indecision traits exaggerated because I’m a Libran (that’s my excuse anyway)! But what has happened, that made me want to over-ride my own negative traits?  What made me want to change my habits of a lifetime?

I’m wondering whether my apparent intolerance to some things, is simply a way to make me focus on issues that are more important and relevant to ME – unfinished business and all that stuff….!  After all, this is said to be a time for letting go of the Piscean past, that holds us back from the Aquarian future.  And if we don’t change what we’re doing we will suffer the consequences of remaining stuck – and whatever they may be they will not be comfortable to experience I’m sure!

To understand this we have to take account of the current energetic changes that have taken place recently…!

There was much hype about the 21.12.12 date and how things would change.  And whilst there were those who predicted doom and gloom, I think many were hoping this event would provide the ‘MIRACLE’, that would magically fix our lives, that would give us clear insight into what we should be doing, and where we should be going!  I know I was hoping this energetic change would mean things would get a bit easier for us – as the past has certainly be harder to cope with than most of us expected!

Alas…change wasn’t going to be that easy…it never is, is it?

But whilst there appears to be no obvious changes in my life,  if I let go of my expectations of what I would’ve liked to have happened, and look back over recent months – since 21.12.12, I can clearly see how changes in my mentality have occurred , and how I am using my power in a different way than before – as since this time I am attempting to design my actions for MY benefit, to meet MY intrinsic soul needs, rather than spreading my energy over external matters that regularly leave me feeling drained and exhausted!

I am trying to manage my own energy in a different way (this does take a bit of practice), and whereas before 21.12.12 I felt ‘stuck’, for some reason since that date I don’t. And although I’ve still not got a strong energetic pull in any particular direction to express my creativity, which still frustrates me, my heart is pulsing to speak, to share, to help and assist, wherever I am driven to do so!

However, I still have to remind myself to remember, that like everyone other human on this planet, I (or my energy) is being changed.  And that I am metamorphoses in action.  Where as my energy field seeks ways to adapt and adjust to new vibrational frequencies, my physical body tries to do it’s own thing to re-stabilise, whilst my mind and emotions want to freak-out because of the unknown inevitabilities we face in the forthcoming future!  Phew…what an upheaval!

Yet strangely enough, whilst on some level I feel quite chaotic, in my heart centre my soul breathes love at last!  IT, my restricted, trapped, higher self, feels peace because it knows the time is right to be free from my human restraint.  I feel reassured that what we’ve been waiting for so long, has now started to arrive…although it still makes me nervous to know that our destination is a long way off yet…so there’s still more work we each have to do, to get where we need to be!

The journey of ego-control has been such an arduous trek, where those of us who followed our soul-guidance found hardship, challenge and intense pain, when actually we sought to find internal peace.  I know as I got deeper into our ‘ascension process’ and realised what our pathway ahead looked like, I felt such utter despair at the enormous task I’d agreed to undertake. And whereas at one time I thought that cognitive correction or reframing was all that was necessary for me to reduce my fear-filled existence, I soon realised I was actually healing my energy of pain from other times, other lives, other existences, that it had encumbered since the beginning of time.

WHAT A HUGE TASK !!! – But how can we succeed in changing the way we live, to a world filled with loving and compassionate beings, when everyone and everything else had failed in the past?

But I had to trust that the universe knew what it was doing, as man certainly didn’t!  I wanted to believe my channelled messages that spoke of self-healing first, before we can truly help others.  Messages over the many years that tried to reassure me that my fear was my own creation, that it wasn’t real in true terms, that only love could set us free from our fear-filled belief system! As I faced my darkest demons, I wanted to trust that I was protected, and guided at all times by compassionate beings affiliated to universal God energy. I had to learn that I was multi-dimensional, and that was hard!

Many searching like me, gave up along the way.  Many persevered, and have survived their self-defeating mentality.  Regardless, this is a universal healing exercise – we will all be converted back to our original SELF, at some time in the future.  The plan is bigger than human….and it has to happen – for our benefit!

We all like to know where we’re heading, as we can prepare ourselves.  But no-one really knew what would happen on or after 21.12.12.  I usually channel clear, trustworthy information most of the time that helps me understand the truth of the world, but I’ve not been able to access my sources lately, due to the over-activity of my mind.  Thus, whilst I can clearly identify the TRENDS of energy that compel us to move in certain directions, I’m having to take guidance from others, who have gained access to higher wisdom that is meant to help us evolve our consciousness. This means as I gather information, I can formulate ideas about what direction we are energetically being propelled into, confirm or dispel the idea according to my levels of global and personal discernment, leaving me with a sort of clear picture of what is happening to our species!

This is what I know so far….

There was speculation that this energetic shift would bring up old issues to be healed….This I’ve found to be true, as many childhood/past life/other issues that I’ve dealt with over the years, have re-surfaced for final healing and release, where most of the time I just had to let the memory go, so to release it from my mental and emotional energy field.

I’ve heard many people saying they are physically affected by this energy shift…exhausted, spaced out, confused, disorientated, became ill where they needed to see their GP (even holistic therapists have sought help from allopathic treatments).  This is our body adjusting to the new energy vibration, which will indicate any pre-existing condition that needs healing, that will limit our energetic capacity for expansion. So we need to listen to what our body is telling us now, at this time.  If we feel exhausted maybe we need to rest for a while, rather than keep pushing forward toward our perceived goal.

Releasing the ego has always been a big issue for us….but if it’s our time to let it go, then it will be easier to change than to carry on as we are.  Because the opposing energy will make us feel so bad we won’t want to stay as we are!

Our mind is the Creator!  If we haven’t grasped it already, this will be the time when we realise without doubt, that we are the creators of our world, caused by the thoughts in our mind!  Our thoughts, when linked to our emotions, have the power to manifest the content of our fear/love!  Regardless of whether we realise it, or like it or not, the choice of what we manifest is ours!  Be careful what you wish for….good advice at his time I’d say!

Also, it’s useful to remember….

*We are all here to help each other!

*There is no one higher than ourselves who can help our soul evolve!

*We have all the wisdom we need within our consciousness – we just have to find a way to access that information!

*There is no single miracle cure! Miracles are happening all of the time, as every minute of the day a miracle occurs somewhere, in someone’s life.  You can all receive miracles at will! You just have to be clear about what you want to receive, let go of how it will happen, and trust that it will manifest at some time – but it must be for the highest good!

*No-one can harm you once you are on your soul path, because your perception of ’harm’ changes!

Humans are going through enforced change and have been doing so for many years.  But we are involved in a process that is in its final stages of a particular phase, that will now affect us and our lives by pushing us out of our comfort zones! We can delay it if we choose, but we can’t escape it, as earth and it’s inhabitants are protected by powers that be, that must ensure our future survival.

So, rather than resisting change, it’s probably easier to stand steady and let the change occur around you.  That way you may avoid unnecessary turbulence!

However, each of us has to work with our energy, to correct our misconceptions of life, to be accountable for our thoughts, feelings and actions! It’s our responsibility to heal our own energy, to work with our soul, our higher self, to bring us back into alignment with our true God nature!

Life becomes more comfortable once we take the emphasis off others making our life easier, and face our personal challenges with gusto!  As once we start to recognise the power we do have, to transform ourselves, we may start to use it to change our world!

Have a great day everyone!

Read Full Post »

Inside The Mind of a Fat Person (3 – Food, Glorious Food!).

Although I’d decided to write a series of articles under the title ‘Inside The Mind of a Fat Person’, I’ve found myself really struggling to get started on this third one. So I needed to identify why I felt reluctant to write more on this topic, as I’d already faced my personal demons and taken the challenge to expose my ‘fatness’ to the world, when I wrote the first article on this subject.

However, after examining my reluctance a bit more closely, I was quite surprised to find that I’d been avoiding writing about being fat because…

1) I didn’t want to be perceived as a ‘victim’!

2) I didn’t want to be condemned for not losing the weight!

3) I didn’t want to be criticised for speaking my truth!

4) I didn’t want people to pity me, or feel sorry for me!

In fact, if I’m totally honest with myself, I’d say the basis of my writing difficulty was that I didn’t want to be seen, noticed or even acknowledged!….Gasp of frustration…Deep conditioning created over my many years, that still impacts me now…!

Blast – I thought I’d come past all of this crap!!

I don’t know why this realisation surprised me, as I know myself very well!  I know the self-doubt I face each time I make a choice, or face an important decision.  I recognise how I talk myself out of moving toward the direction that could make me feel happier and more fulfilled, because I feel ashamed about the way I look!  I totally accept that I am the controller of my own destiny…yet it still upsets me that so many of us FP put our lives on hold, until we lose the weight that keeps us rooted to the isolation of our imagination, that convinces us to believe, without doubt, that we are not good enough as we are.

It’s normal to doubt ourselves during childhood.  But when there is ‘An Issue’ present, including overweight, then life takes on an avalanche of unlimited possibilities for personality destruction, because the child perceives they are judged by others according to their ‘issue’, thus doesn’t know who or what to be as it matures into adulthood! In the case of obesity, life becomes filled with questions about what’s right/wrong/good or bad food, what you should/shouldn’t eat, when you should/shouldn’t eat!  What you should or shouldn’t do or wear to make you look thinner, less fat! What you must or mustn’t do to get noticed, avoid being seen,  get attention, and be acceptable or invisible to others!

Eventually, life becomes filled with self-doubt, self-debating and self-berating, where instead of embracing who we are, and allowing ourselves to reach our full potential as we mature, we struggle to find a mode of being that makes us feel acceptable to the limitations of the outside world!

In many cases we question everything, until we reach a point where we imprison ourselves in our own negative emotions, that dictate that shame and guilt rises each time we consume anything!  There is no enjoyment to be gained from mealtimes – only guilty pleasures that make us feel ashamed and regretful, after we’ve digested the delicious mouthfuls of food that just for that moment satisfied us, made us feel better, or pacified our despair!

FP/TP want to be considered normal. But how can we feel normal when we react so badly to eating something as small as one biscuit, or a couple of pieces of chocolate?  Don’t normal people eat these things?  Of course they do!  The difference is normal people usually stop when they’ve had enough. Or, if they do binge, they do not repeat it on a regular basis.  But because FP have so much emotional agenda that rises when they eat forbidden food, their impulse to eat is stimulated by the bad way they feel. Which makes it almost impossible to control their appetite, because they are being driven to over-eat by impulses created from their emotional discomfort.

Our self-perception is strongly influenced by the way we look, so when we try to manage or control weight issues that make us feel inadequate, our mind is geared-up to give us what we want to get or avoid.  The problem with this is that we create a ‘perfect rule-book’ in our mind that is often unworkable, because it’s unrealistic.  For example… we decide to go on a diet, stick at it a couple of days before our resolve starts to falter, and we eat what we shouldn’t. So we come off the diet feeling we’ve failed – we’ve blown it yet again!  This repetitive process builds-up shame and guilt energy within our persona, that guarantees we will continue to fail in the future – because we don’t believe we can succeed in our aims.

We rarely admit to ourselves that most people find it difficult to change their lifestyle.  For if we did we would see our ‘normality’! Instead we just perpetuate our shame by believing we are inferior, inadequate, incapable of success, and fat is a problem we cannot control, change, get rid of, because we’re not strong enough to hold our resolve!

FP/TP live life feeling in or out of control!  This is why life becomes so hard!  But even though we are over/under weight, even though we’ve failed on a million diets, there’s still things we can do to help ourselves, that will change our perception toward food, and help us feel more confident about what we can do!

It’s great to be able to plan ahead.  But it’s not only FP that find it difficult to fully commit themselves for any given period of time, as other addicts will attest to. So there are other ways of approaching our problems!  If we looked at our life style one day at a time for example, if we have a bad day today we make the decision to start again tomorrow and do it better.  So instead of giving up on ourselves because we’ve broken our promise to us, we persevere each day until we get it right, by making little adjustments in our life, that support healthy living.

One of the most important tasks I set myself, many years ago, was to abolish any emotional attachment I had to food!  I’d tried to do the right things and dieted all my life, yet I was still fat and unhappy!  So one day I made the decision that my relationship with food had to change, as whilst I hated being a FP, I hated being so miserable even more!

Once I recognised how I stimulated so much internal pain each time I ate, I decided to eat what I wanted – when I wanted, and make sure I enjoyed everything I digested.  If I didn’t like it I wouldn’t eat it!  If I over-ate I would enjoy the gluttonous feelings and feel rewarded and satisfied!  If I over-ate and felt nauseous, I would laugh at myself for making myself feel so bad!  I learned how to relax when I ate, instead of stressing myself out with my list of rules that I was breaking.

It took a few months of working consciously to divert my bad thoughts to neutral thinking, but it worked for me by setting me free from the ‘eat – guilt – shame – overeat’ process. Eventually, and quite naturally, I became more choosy about what I wanted to eat. I could leave food on the plate, I could resist the ‘forbidden’ foods more easily – all without forcing myself to do so!  I had gained control over my eating, by simply allowing myself to eat what I chose to, when I needed to eat!

I rarely binged and I lost some weight – even though I wasn’t dieting!  And this was how I cured myself of Binge Eating Disorder!!

So whilst I’m still fat now, food rarely stimulates my guilt or shame! I’ve broken the rules and set myself emotionally free from guilt/shame each time I crave something. And most importantly, realise that even though I am a FP, I am entitled to feel pleasure, satisfaction and enjoyment from the act of eating – just as normal-weight people do!

Life is challenging for most of us now, and pleasures are harder to find because of our high stress levels.  But food is meant to feed our body to promote good health, it’s meant to sustain us, and is a way to experience pleasure and satisfaction.  If you are a FP/TP, and your relationship with food is not rewarding, then find a way to change the rules in your mind, to break the rules of rigidity that contradict your own natural needs.

Learn to eat consciously…Eat and enjoy food, glorious food….!

Also become aware of what you eat, how you eat it, and why…!

But just remember that…. sugar acts as a poison to your body, and wheat is an allergen, so because your body has problems processing these they could make your body swell up.  If you avoid these as much as you can, you may eventually feel healthier and not have such a weight problem in the future!

Read Full Post »

LIFE…!

Life brings challenges in all forms, that we have to somehow find a way to cope with. But it’s not always easy.  And when we lose our positive/negative balance in life, it’s not uncommon for feelings of hope and optimism to become overwhelmed by feelings of frustration and despair, that increase our fears about the future.

Our mind is filled with ways to protect ourself because we’ve lived a reality that’s governed by oppression, repression and suppression.  Yet we yearn to be free!  We yearn for the freedom to have what we want, do what makes us happy, and to feel a peace inside that lets us know that all is well in our world, and that we’re okay, even though turbulence is all around us!

Historically our existence has been structured around the search to achieve something that’s missing from our life, leading us to embark on a quest to satisfy the void we feel internally. However, whilst in the past we’ve nominated something or someone to fix our disquiet, we’re now starting to realise that our empty internal space can’t always be consoled by factors that make us feel financially secure or physically acceptable!

So although we still seek ways to survive our negative feelings, we’re now looking for something different, something that money can’t buy.  Now we’re looking for ways to feel complete!!

It’s still unclear whether this completeness comes from simply being in control of ourselves! Regardless, we must allow ourselves to challenge how we think. As whilst we continue to allow ego to determine our logic, we will be led back into the old way of life that is self-destructive, because it’s governed by our illogical need to avoid fear!

Humans are creative, energetic beings. So when we worry and no resolution is apparent, anxiety drives us to focus on what we don’t have or what we can’t do. Thus, when we face problems, unless we learn to monitor and control our thinking, we can find ourselves locked into feelings of powerlessness that cause us to stagnate in frustration, anxiety and anger….

Creating even more problems, because we’re fighting a battle that can’t be won, simply because we don’t understand the creative, but sometimes destructive power we have access to!

The clarity of our intuitive mind has become dulled by our need to be in control.  We need to feel safe, so we do what we must to ensure this, by being on constant mental alert so we can fix anything that takes us outside of our personal comfort zone!  However, this way of operating means our mind is filled with chaotic, conflicting messages that evoke fearful emotions, that in turn promote fear-filled thinking.

In other words, our mind is a tangled web of self-deceit, that we have created because we are afraid of everything!

Many like myself, believe that when we are fully aligned with the universe and our spiritual Self is firing on all levels, we will become authentically whole. And so can utilise the full force of our creative nature to manifest what we need, simply by thinking about it! The problem is, we have evolved within an erroneous logic, where what we believe as true, may prove to be false and vice versa!

We don’t really understand our energy or power yet. But we know we have a battleground in our mind, where every emotion has dominating thoughts associated to it, that can affect us negatively or positively, depending on how we mentally and emotionally react to the way we feel.  So it’s already clear that when we are in distress, our mind can become overloaded with reactive thoughts we struggle to control or understand!

And to make matters worse, our ego personality is not a singular unit. It has many aspects we’ve created over lifetimes, each with a voice that distorts our judgement by making us feel that we’re better or worse than others, that we’re a loser or a winner when we’re not, and we are more or less than we should be!

However, once we enter a dimensional reality that opposes our ego-logical mind, our rules of existence are challenged by the intangibility of spiritual reality, meaning the logic that has kept us safe collapses, and so does our ego-personality, causing us to flounder in the depths of the unknown! But even though we are in the throes of evolution, which will eventually change our world – for the better we hope, we are unprepared for this process!

The information we receive in our mind comes in the form of thoughts and images, which we interpret according to our understanding of life.  The problem is, we can’t correctly interpret  information we receive intuitively, until we learn to differentiate information from our logical mind, our egotistical personalities, entity attachments, or wisdom from higher spiritual sources.

But as spiritual intangibility conflicts with our logic, once our mind opens to higher consciousness and we become more ‘psychic’, the battle in our mind will increase.  As there will be more voices, thoughts, influences and images flitting through our mind, that we will have to process mentally! Therefore, as we evolve into higher consciousness, our real problem then becomes how to identify what voice in our head is speaking the truth.

Where trying to make sense of the logical and spiritual worlds as they merge, can send our mind reeling, as we struggle to comprehend unfamiliar mental experiences and cope with physical energetic changes!

However, one thing is for certain….

Because we have entered a stage of evolution that affects us physically, mentally and emotionally, it’s impossible for us to carry on as we are spiritually!

And whilst we may resist anything that causes a disruptive influence to our comfort zones, changes in universal energy are purposefully designed to implement energetic healing that will restore, repair and regenerate earth energy. A natural phenomenon, that whilst causing chaos and destruction to our historical and habitual existence, will nevertheless bring balance to an imbalanced situation called LIFE!

Read Full Post »

A Spontaneous Post!

This wasn’t the post I intended to write, but it sort of became A Spontaneous Post that surfaced within me, that needed to be released from my mind! So I’m just going with it, and allowing these words to go where they need to be, with the intention that they may help someone out there, who is struggling to understand why their life is so shit!!

Life, for many, has been a succession of failed attempts, failed relationships, jobs, ambitions, and failed, thus forgotten or rejected dreams.  We think this is our fault, when our world is so fruitless.  We think we are to blame because we’re not good enough in some way, or because we’re doing something wrong!

But what if everything that has happened to us, is how it was meant to be?

Even though our life has been reduced from the world we once knew, what if that world was meant to be shattered.  What if we were meant to be torn away from our past, and hurtled into a different world that we know nothing of, in order that we could rise like the phoenix from the ashes, into a new way of being?

Sounds stupid, ludicrous to think it’s okay to suffer as we have, lose what we’ve lost!  But what if, in the grand scheme of life, those things that meant so much to us, were actually worthless in the energetic world that we are evolving into?

We’ve all been waiting for change to come.  We wanted to feel better, more calm and less worried about how we can survive the global crisis that we can’t do anything about!  Yet even though we thought we could do nothing, believing we were impotent, the reality is that we’ve been doing all we were meant to be doing, to enable the change in our life to manifest the new world.  A world where instead of failed dreams, there is fulfilment, success, aspirations, love and good health!

I don’t know about you, but I want that world!  So how can we get it?  Where the devil is it, because we can’t see it anywhere YET…?  But time moves quickly now, and it will start to shine through very soon, giving us hope, letting us know that there really is another way to live!!

Those on a spiritual path will know that these changes have been manifesting, increasing gravity for some years now, and would have been working with the energy to make their life easier.  It hasn’t been easy though!  It has been like living in hell, struggling each day with challenges that we’d rather not face.  Where we feel our energy sapping and wonder just how much longer we can carry on like we are, as we wonder how much strength we have left, asking ourselves ’Can we survive this transition, or will we die in the process?’.

Yet even though we feel this way, we understand we are involved in a process.  A spiritual, soul, energetic process that could transform the human race as we know it!  So we know this process takes time, has different stages we have to manage and cope with, and realise that we have to find a way to manage our thoughts, our emotions, our selves, relationships and lives, in such a way, that we reduce confrontation, withholding how we feel, blaming, shaming and opting out.

We know we have to quell our increasing fear and go with the energetic flow that will set us free from our own self-restrictive nature, that has made us an easy target for those in authority, who want to exude their power and supremacy over us!

We are like lambs going to the slaughter, unless we have awareness!  As our awareness is our protective armour, that shields us from the predatory energy pull that we have to face daily, from those that profit from our fear!

So what about those who do not know about energy, evolution, earth changes etc. What happens to them?

Their soul will know about everything, and will prompt them when the time comes, to take the right action to keep themselves safe, and take them where they need to be. Although hard to remember at times, there’s no need to panic about changes that can only benefit us all.

However, we all have to understand that currently our life is governed by an ego that dictates….

The choices we make!

The actions we take!

How we manage our reactive nature!

How we perceive ourselves to be!

……But this has to change!!

So when you are faced with situations that you find hard to control, think about what would happen if you just let them pass you by!  Out of work, another failed relationship, something else lost?  If it means you will set yourself free from your fear, then let these things happen!  But instead of focussing on the worst thing that could happen, think about the best!

E.g…If I lost my job I would have more time to devote to ???!  If me and ? broke up, I would be free to find a more positive relationship?  If I lost ?, then maybe I don’t need it as much as I thought!

We cannot create a new, better world whilst we strive to stay within our comfort zone!  We have to allow ourselves to emerge beyond our fear, in order to complete our soul purpose, which is to be different than we are now!

I don’t think I feel scared anymore! Not like before anyway, where I was terrified so much of the time!  I know the world will carry on with or without me!  But I also know there has to be more to life than what we know!  There has to be a better way to live and love, rather than struggling to keep what we’ve got, and fearing loss of the things we’ve gathered in our life!

Regardless of how some are predicting catastrophes, the end of the world is NOT nigh!  But the world as we know it is going to change, and so are we!  So let’s use our mind-power to ensure that the new things that enter our existence are brought in on waves of love, not fear!  As what we have to realise is, that we are the one who determine what our future holds for us!  And if we struggle to stay as we are, nothing in our life will change!

Also, the only real price we pay for our freedom, is setting ourselves free from our fear!

It’s bonfire night, and a great, symbolic time for letting go of the past.

Here’s a simple exercise to help you release tension… 

Sit somewhere quiet, relax, close your eyes…

Simply imagine a bonfire in your mind.  See the yellow flames burning high, hear the crackling of the flames.

See the yellow flames turn to violet.  This is violet flame of transmutation.  It is the healing flame!

Mentally throw all your problems, troubles, anxiety etc., into the flames.

Watch the violet flames soar high as all the negativity is transmuted by the power of the violet flames!

Do this exercise until you feel a sense of release, relief, calmness inside.

Take a deep breath in and out. Give thanks to the violet flame for assisting you this day.

Frequently affirm that ‘All is well in my world’ to create a new neural pathway.

Our negative experiences are our training courses.  And without them we would remain inept!  And whilst there may be many standing, watching, it only takes one person who has courage and tenacity, to lead the way to change the world!

Could that person be you?

Read Full Post »

A Place To Share!

I just went to bed, but an intense thought motivated me to get up and write this blog!

I’d been feeling unsettled for some time, about the turbulence in so many of our lives.  ‘Is there no-one who is happy, confident, optimistic, and whose life is in perfect order?’ I asked myself!  My worry thought surfaced, and I needed to do something with it.  But what could I do?

Then, it occurred to me that there may be others with a worry thought they might just want to express.  So that’s what this blog is about today.  A place just to leave your worry thought!  There’s no need to explain your thought, or reply to posts, unless you want to of course.  It’s just a place to share your thought and free it from your mind!

So here goes mine….

Hi, my name is Chrissie, and I’m worried about the escalating problems in the world, and wonder how bad they will become in the future, and if life will ever become ‘good’ again?

Is there a thought you would like to share……?

Read Full Post »

Suffering in Silence!

So many blogs I’m reading are about the writer sharing their painful experiences.  Where readers comment and share their own experiences, and offer support for the author.  It appears that resonance enables each of us to appreciate each others’ suffering!

So when I posted my last blog I decided to do more sharing, which hopefully would help others in similar predicaments. But when I think about sharing some of my painful experiences through my blog, I freeze inside, my breathing gets faster, I feel panic start to rise in my body and mind! So whilst I can share what’s in my heart relatively easily, I find it very difficult to disclose or share the experiences in my life that have hurt me most!

I suppose that’s how it’s always been for me!  And I wonder if things will ever be different, for at age 64 some of my tendencies are well and truly ingrained!  However, because of my reaction to the sharing prompt, I owe it to myself to take a closer look as to what impedes my ability to communicate my pain to others. So that’s what I’ve been doing over the last few days!

But as I searched through my memories of how I never wanted to ‘make a fuss’ or cause problems for my over-worked mother, other memories and emotions surfaced, creating a whirlpool in my mind of incessant chattering thoughts, that have made me feel crap! Because as the thoughts rise and I question, analyse, cancel them out, or simply acknowledge them, they increase!  The chatter gets louder and stronger, and I feel tired and worn out from struggling to stay in control of my mind, and the stimulus to my emotions.

I feel worried that I recognise the pressure in my ears and the tightness and tingling at the top of my head! I know my blood pressure has risen because my heart beats faster, my breathing is more shallow, where the physical symptoms of stress are causing more fearful thoughts, such as ‘Am I going to have a heart attack or stroke?’.

This is a deep fear I’ve had since watching a woman die of heart attack on television when I was five.  I’d woken from a nightmare, got up and went into the dimly lit living room where my parents were watching a film on our newly acquired television (before that we only had radio). I ran and sat on my father’s lap (I was a daddy’s girl)and as I nestled my head on his chest, I watched the screen and saw a woman running along a beach, breathing hard, clutching her chest. Her young daughter had just died!  Her heart beat loudly… b.bang – b.bang – b.bang! Suddenly the beating got faster, then more erratic.  Then, as she dropped down onto the sand, the beating stopped and there was a loud silence!

I can’t remember the name of the film, but can remember the impact of that short scene, on a television screen that looked very real to a five-year old child, who’d already felt frightened by her nightmare!  Since then I started to monitor my heartbeat.  Is it too fast, too slow, is it going to stop!  And yes, I have worked on this issue, it has improved a great deal, but the remnants are still there!

I wonder if I’m going insane as I know the irritating voices are mine, the arguments  are mine! And it’s my thoughts that are causing my distress. It scares me that I’m visiting old territory of past torment, that I’ve tried so hard to escape from! Torment that is like a volcano preparing to erupt, as the pressure in my mind makes me feel like I’m getting ready to explode, scream or whatever!

However, I’ve learned that even though this storm is in my head, I can still think!  I can still take positive action other than getting carried along to the explosion point of uncontrollable action!  And this calms me down!  As I remind myself of what I know, I breath deeply as I tell myself….’I am C.A.L.M, my mind is C.A.L.M., my body is C.A.L.M.’  I allow myself to feel the calmness drizzle through my muscles. I take a few more calming breaths and feel the tension in my head reduce slightly.  This gives me the confidence to do some more calming statements, before using EFT tapping to sort out the residual issues!

And even though I’ve been feeling bad for a few days, no-one else knows!  Why?  Because I haven’t told them!  Ah ha – pattern apparent!  Why didn’t I tell?  Well for a start everyone has got their own problems to deal with, so why would they want mine!  If I did tell hubby how I was feeling he wouldn’t have a clue about how to help me, or make me feel better (communication isn’t his thing!).  And what’s the point of telling anyone how I feel if no-one can do anything about my problems?  So, I persist in trying to work them out in my head!  I repeat this pattern time after time, and this is why!!

I know how it feels, when intrusive thoughts fill your head until it feels like it’s going to explode.  Where the cycle of fear goes round and round in your mind, because no consolation or answers can be found.  Where there’s little sleep, because nightmares haunt your mind, even during the night! And where you wonder if you will survive this episode, or if your mind will ever think differently!

And even if you did want to share your dilemma, you don’t know how to start, or what to say, or even how to convey the intensity of what you are thinking and feeling!  Who would understand you, who would know how to best help you, who would know how to make you feel better?  And are your problems real, are they valid and worthy to cause such distress, or is your pain being caused by you because you’re over-reacting, making a mountain out of a molehill, making a fuss about nothing!

I’ve lived with mental anguish most of my life, and thankfully survived the conflicts my mind has caused.  I honestly don’t know if that will ever change. However, I tend to try to live day by day now, and whereas each day was a bad day, for a long, long time, there are many better or even good days now, where life becomes precious once again! Until the next temporary depressive episode that is!

So when we face our darkest moments, even if there is one dominant, destructive voice we hear all the time, that tells us to do bad things, we have to remember that we have many voices in our head!  And if we look and listen for it, we may find the voice of intuitive reason, that tells us we are strong, the world is a safe place, we are worthy, and that we will find the happiness we seek once we start to take more positive action.

When we’re caught up in our turmoil, it’s hard to steady ourselves if we just focus on the problems of how we think, feel and our negative experiences. But when we have problems sharing our worrying thoughts, our pain creates a bubble of mental and emotional turbulence, that can negatively affect us on every level of our being.  When we feel overwhelmed by ourselves, life stand still!  We can get stuck, going deeper and deeper into the pit of despair (as per one of my previous blogs).  And if you can’t help yourself to find a way out of the darkness, you owe it to yourself to find someone who can help you do what you can’t!

There are very few people I am willing to trust with my deepest, most painful memories, meaning I’ve had to learn how to cope with my distress alone, learn how to tolerate who I am, learn to recognise the warning signs that indicate I am not safe to look after me! Yet because of this way of coping, I have become extremely resourceful!

I used to pray for peace of mind, as though there was some sort of miracle that could immediately take away all the worries pounding my mind!.  I know now that my mind is like a computer…if you try running too many programmes at once, it will crash!  So I monitor myself, to try to catch myself before I get too low.  And remember that even in our darkest moments we can learn from our experience.  As when we focus on that new learning, which is what we need to do differently in the future, we cut ourselves off from having to experience the pain of our past!

Read Full Post »

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

At the beginning of this year I knew intuitively that this was going to be a testing year for us all.  I felt really strongly that 2012 would be a year when we would move where we needed to be, do what we needed to do, change what we needed to change.  A year where we would face challenges that would expose our deepest Self, as opposed to being hidden by our ego nature. And although I did feel apprehensive about what I would have to face, considering past experiences, I knew that often life takes control of our fate, and all we can do is deal with the fall-out!

Because we have to be ready for our next soul step,  facing the tribulations of change is an important factor in our preparation to find our authentic Self!  And even though I fully understand the concept behind …‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’,  changing has been so much harder than I envisaged.  Where every aspect of my personality has been challenged, and I’ve had to use every technique I know, to keep myself grounded, sane and functioning!  And whereas at times I feel alone, as I isolate myself away whilst trying to cope with my experiences, I know there are so many others who, like me, are also having a tough time!

When I see others suffering, I hurt also.  I want to help them, fix them, advise them, console them.  And because of this, trying to understand why life is so painful, in order to avoid it, has been one of my hardest tasks.  As what it means is that I can’t allow myself to collapse under the weight of my thoughts and emotions any more.  I have to observe and understand myself, and find a way to console my mind, emotions and soul!   I can’t allow myself to have any more breakdowns that take so long to recover from! I have to find a way to tolerate myself and experiences!  I can’t allow myself to keep beating myself up for what I think I should have done, but haven’t! I have to be strong because I’ve ‘something’ to do!

What that something is, has caused me so many nightmares I can tell you!  Because I’ve not been able to identify an area to help within, or commit myself to anything specific, whereby I’ve put so much pressure on myself to get out there – wherever that is, to do it – whatever it is, and to teach it – whatever….you get the theme I’m sure!  I’ve learned so much, changed so much, and yet nothing seems any different!  There is still the pain, the confusion, the wondering,  and agonising thoughts that try to convince me that something bad is going to happen to me or my loved ones.  Thoughts that stimulate the battle of survival in my mind!

And whilst I try to convince myself that the world is a safe place to be, reality proves that it’s not! There’s increasing war, conflict, destructive manipulation of society, financial collusion.  I won’t go on, you already know what I know about all that!  How can we feel safe, when people in authority care for their power, supremacy, profits, but don’t care about what happens to us?  But we have to learn how to find our safety switch within ourselves, otherwise we will be forever at the mercy of people who have the power to manipulate our welfare!

Not so long ago I had a dream, where I envisaged myself teaching others, specifically children, what I had learned through my own pain.  This aim somehow gave me a reason why life has been such a hard slog! I thought that if I could share my experiences and how I’d come through them, then I could help them avoid the same painful pitfalls I’d dropped into!   I feel sad that children have to experience the pain of growing up.  The bullying, the minimisation and manipulation, the confusion caused by innocent ignorance! I wanted to tell them about their untrustworthy emotions and thoughts, and how their mind lies to them.  I wanted them to see that if they did things differently than children of the past, their life might be easier to cope with! I wanted to explain the concept of inferior/superior, where others will want us to feel small/bad, so that they can feel big/good, and how we believe them!

But something has happened to me, and I’m not quite sure what it is!

Things have been pretty intense for me during the last year, (and what feels like forever), where family responsibilities have dominated, leaving little energy left for my creative nature to express itself.  I couldn’t commit myself to anything because I’ve been, and still am on permanent standby for ‘emergencies’.

Our thoughts create our reality, and so because my thoughts have been so one-sided on family matters, I feel somehow that I’ve forgotten so many things that I knew!  And this scares me.  Am I losing my mind to dementia, or becoming ‘crazy’ again?  Years ago spiritual practice commanded ‘Live for today, in the moment’.  Well that’s where I’m living now, and it feels weird!  As I don’t plan tomorrow, I rarely think about yesterday.  It feels that life is being lived on an ad hoc basis, where it’s ‘as and when’ that dominates.  And I honestly don’t know whether this is a good or bad thing!

I know that when we’re preoccupied with worry and anxiety, our mind blocks itself to other things, because the mind can only concentrate on one thing at a time.  So if I’m worrying so much about one specific area, then my mind shuts off other less important things.  This is how we become depressed – because we can’t see the light at the end of our tunnel of darkness!  When our mind is fixed in anxiety, it’s difficult to see clarity or feel hope, optimism, excitement!

Our fear and anxiety can debilitate us in so many ways.  And although we try to avoid it, the universe has a way of thrusting it directly in our face, so we have no option other than deal with it. But each anxious moment has given me the opportunity to learn more about how I’m coping with me, my thoughts, my emotions, my attitude!  And like everyone else, instead of overcoming it, I have to learn how to live with my fear – as it’s not going to go away as easily as we’d thought!

Life still feels challenging in so many areas, but I have learned to tame my over-reactive nature to the point where I’m feeling more confident about self-management and less fearful about what’s going to happen.  Meaning, surprisingly, that even though I still feel stressed-out,  I feel better, more hopeful, inside my heart centre.

I’ve not been writing for a while because I’ve lacked mental energy, and clarity about many things.  And to be honest I reached the stage of ‘What’s the point!’.  It’s really hard for me to write about my pain, as I’m so used to dealing with it alone, in my head.  Where I weigh it all up, analyse it, understand what aspects of me are self-sabotaging, before I can move on .  But writing does help me identify and resolve problems. It pacifies my creative and helping nature, so maybe I’d better do more of it…!

Read Full Post »

The Energy Connection!

Because spiritual influences are helping our soul evolve beyond our reactive ego personality, by encouraging us to identify, clarify, develop and live by authentic truth, we will find it harder to be consoled by our addictions and negative habits.  They won’t bring us so much satisfaction, so eventually we will get tired of being disappointed by them and seek other ways of coping with our inner stirrings. Meaning that if we make the effort to work constructively with our fear, by not making ourselves even more afraid as we deal with changes in our lives, we can break free of old habits that have kept us trapped within fear filled limitations.

And although this process can feel distressing, because we are letting go of our comforters, we have to remember it’s a positive process that’s designed energetically to set us free from our negative self, that imposes restrictions to our growth and happiness.

I hurt when I see so many people, young and old, struggling to cope with the constant bombardment of challenges being imposed upon us all. There was a time not so long ago, when we could identify with those whose life was working well.  We could console our fears by saying ‘If they can do that then so can I’.  Our young people could witness success and aspire themselves toward it. But it’s much harder to find normal people(if there are such entities any more) whose life is working well. In fact it’s becoming increasingly harder to find anyone who hasn’t got some form of struggle going on at the moment.  Meaning it’s going to feel more difficult to feel optimistic and okay about life in general, and our mood may become less buoyant!

I’m not naive enough to believe that EVERYONE is in turmoil at the moment. As I know problems are being caused by an energetic  shift, that means wealth is being redistributed away from the majority, who as a consequence struggle with financial problems and health issues caused by an overload of stress, and passed onto the minority whose lives are becoming increasingly prosperous, successful and fulfilling.  But there is money out there, enough for everyone.  So why is there such an increasing and overwhelming lack in our lives, when others have so much more than us – more than they could possibly need?  What is the purpose for this?

Well they say money goes to money, and I believe that’s true!  As there’s an energy link to money, that if connected to, will attract more money.  The problem is that fear interferes with this abundance link.  So the poorer we get, the more afraid we become, and the more we get separated from our ability to generate more money!  So, even if we are terrified of losing what we’ve got because we’ve not got enough money coming into our lives, we can, and must still have confidence in our ability to connect to the energy of financial abundance.

This means instead of focussing on what we haven’t got, which makes us more anxious, we use affirming statements such as….’I am now willing to allow money to enter my life from all sources’ or  ‘I now release the need to suffer from poverty and accept the abundance of money that is rightfully mine to receive’.  One of the most effective ways to connect to abundance energy, or disconnect from our restraining mind-sets, is to use EFT.  There are loads of scripts already out there if you Google or go to You Tube.

The main thing is not to let fear stop us from creating a better way of life for ourselves.  But if we focus on fear, we will become more afraid!  So, remember, even if you’re afraid of whatever, you can still be strong, creative and successful!

Read Full Post »

If It Wasn’t For This Confusion…

There is a simple word that explains exactly how I feel a lot of the time lately.  The word is AMBIVALENT.  The dictionary describes it thus…’simultaneous existence of two conflicting desires, opinions etc.’.

For me, ambivalence means confusion, frustration and often despair, because I’m caught in the middle of me, where I can’t make up my mind what exactly I want.  And when I do feel certain and decide that yes, this is the way forward,  another part of my personality enters to talk me out of it.  So annoying!

These are the type of thoughts associated with ambivalence….

* I want this, but will I really be better off there?

*I don’t want this relationship, but is there anything better out there for me?

*I want to go out to work, but will I be able to cope with the added pressures?

*I want to lose weight, but can I really be bothered at my age?

*I want to be healthy, but this life is so hard do I really want to be alive?

*I want to be successful, but will I still retain my freedom to do what I want?

Ambivalence has such a lot of power, as it stops us moving forward, making changes, and accepting who we.  It is associated to our ego, which can fool us and lie, but the ambivalent desires are real.  They hurt and confuse.  Sometimes, in fact most of the time, ambivalence makes things a lot harder for us than need be!

This is a time when we need to be working toward clearing our minds and hearts, and dumping any unwanted baggage from our lives.  But how can we be selective when we can’t make up our mind?  How can we choose which road to walk, when we can see the benefits and pitfalls of alternatives, and there are payoffs for staying where we are and also moving on?

What makes it worse, is that when we’ve got the dreaded ambivalence, the more we think about our situation and try to work it out logically, the more we can see. Thus the more confused we become!  We’re in a state of awareness that allows us to see what we’ve not seen before, or what we’ve tried to ignore.  Ambivalence logic makes our pain reduce, not in reality, but in our mind.  Ambivalence makes us believe an easy fix will appear and sort things out for us, which sometimes does happen, but often does not!  Ambivalence can wear us down by causing so much confusion and self-doubt,  that sends us running back to our comfort zone because we need to rest, where we end up repeating negative cycles over and over again!

We usually experience ambivalence when we’re contemplating making changes in our life.  And in my own experience ambivalence arises at the action stage, meaning the thinking and decision-making stages have already been surpassed.  Now it’s time to walk the walk – and that’s definitely the hard part isn’t it?

So in reality, ambivalence is just fear isn’t it?  Fear of change.  Fear of losing what we’ve got!  Fear of making a huge mistake!  Fear of hurting those we love!  But if the time is right to make a decision, which will reduce the ambivalent state,  then what can we do?  As if we’re not sure which road to take, how do we know we will be okay?  How do we know this is the right thing for us?  How do we know that this, is better than that?

The simple truth is that we won’t know anything unless, and until we try it!  We won’t know if there is a better partner for us!  We won’t know if we’ll feel better about life!  We won’t know how much we can cope with! We won’t know anything unless we let ourselves travel into that experience, in order to discover the benefits and pitfalls of that state!

So I guess the real answer to the ambivalence problem is to become aware that your confusion is caused by ambivalence.  Then decide which course of action you are avoiding because it is in new, unchartered territory, and which course of action leads you back to your comfort zone.  Then  you can make the decision of how you want to proceed with your future.  Do you want things to stay as they are, or do you want things to change?

I don’t know about you, but I definitely want things to change.  Now what should I do next…if only I could make up my mind!!

Read Full Post »

This Spiritual Stuff Can Be Scary!

Just after I published my previous post about breakdown, someone asked me to clarify the statement included below, so that is what this article today will be about. I would state beforehand, that I’m not writing as an expert on spiritual matters.  What I am doing is briefly relating what I’ve learned because of what happened to me….

“….Another cause of breakdown is when we seek entry into the spiritual realms, where our vulnerable consciousness is unprepared for the force of negative energy that we expose ourselves to, when we open our mind to the unknown spiritual forces that exist”….

I felt disillusioned that spirit was not all about love and light, as I’d believed. As my experiences showed a side of spirit I thought only existed in horror movies!  I won’t be describing those here. Only pointing out that once we start working with higher dimensions and higher consciousness, and enter into unknown spiritual realms that contain more species, good and bad, than we could possibly envisage, we can be propelled into mental experiences we are unprepared for!

Spirituality has many illogical aspects to it.  Such as miracles that happen, spiritual  beings that manifest to warn, help or heal us.  Even the fact we can communicate with dead people and entities, can be classed as unbelievable by those who doubt.  I’m not saying it’s wrong to doubt anything, as discernment is our saviour.  But humans are a composite form of mental, emotional, physical and spiritual energy.  Yet whilst we accept all other aspects, there is suspicion about our spiritual nature.  But why must it still be like this, when our spiritual nature can provide so much assistance to help us cope with physical life!

We can’t see our thoughts or painful emotions, yet we know they are real because we experience them, even if we don’t fully understand, accept or validate them.  This is what it’s like when we communicate with the spiritual world. We transmit and translate through our higher mind. So I guess this is the problem… communication is conducted intuitively through the mind, so has to be channelled, interpreted and passed on to others by the receiver.  So if we can’t see or hear what they do, how do we know they are telling the truth?

Charlatans are eager to take our money, and mediumship provides an easy way to do this because it’s individualistic, un-provable nature, can fool many.  So we have to be selective about where we place our trust regarding these matters. But what happens when we seek spiritual truth through our own higher mind.  And make contact with discarnate people, entities, angels, monsters etc., whose images fill our enquiring, yet fearful mind, stimulating fearful egotistical thoughts because we can’t seem to control what we see or think.  How do we decide what is true, what is real or imaginary? Because images extend beyond the logical parameters of tangibility, stimulating our fear responses, how do we know whether we are imagining these things, really communicating with higher intelligence, having a mental breakdown or simply going insane?

Our logical mind determines our truth and reality.  So if something doesn’t meet our criteria for being real, we question its existence. Often relying on views of other people to determine the validity of what we’ve seen, regardless of our feelings about it.  Because of ego influences, we often find it difficult to admit we’re wrong or different from others.  If others are unable to validate what we perceive, we may then go on to judge our perception as wrong, or visions imaginary, even if they’re not.  So there are those who hear, see or sense the spiritual world, but deny it because no-one else can see what they do.  This can lead the individual to believe they are hallucinating, terrorising them into the world of mental illness and all that it contains.  Whereas if their visions could be validated and accepted, they could find a way to work logically with them.

Once we start crying out to God for help, soul-searching, meditating, contacting our guides, channelling information etc., we open our mind beyond our logical parameters, and enter a dimensional reality that has different rules to the physical world.  We make contact with spiritual beings and higher dimensions through our higher consciousness.  We open our senses and our mind! We hear with our internal ears, we see through our inner eyes, and every physical sense is activated, as we prepare to feel any communication that proves we are being heard. Some people don’t see, but sense through the way they physically feel.  Others can hear. Some people can see, hear  and sense.  Whatever, the communication is conducted through the persons own mind, where most of the time no-one else sees the same images, hears the same voices or feels exactly the same, for the same reasons.

There are different ways we prove that communication is real.  A touch, a sound, a feeling.  So when we do find a way to ‘make contact’, and get proof that someone or something on the other side is responding, we naturally want to communicate more. So we reduce our protective nature, and allow our energy to become more sensitive. We open our mind and senses more, so we can gain access to more on other dimensions!  Where eventually, if we’re not careful, we start to feel ‘elation’ that we’re living in both worlds, thus without an anchor to keep us steady.

This is when we become most vulnerable, because we’re dealing with the unknown spiritual world, but allowed our logical mentality, which keeps us protected, to subside!  The problem is that not all beings on other dimensions are friendly and nice.  As some of them are distressed, angry or just plain psychopathic.  For some reason their soul has remained afloat after their physical departure, and although in the world of spirit, they’ve not received the healing they need, so still retain their physical personality and emotional defects. We believe, we trust, we fear! Thus, because we’ve opened our energy to the spiritual world, we’re like victims of slimy-handed pickpockets in a crowded market place, leaving our valuables on display to be stolen.

When working with higher consciousness, we have to learn that images are real on that level. That’s why visualisation therapy is so helpful – its reality enables us to create change, and expands our ability to manifest. But as we’re still working through our conscious mind, our egotistical fear, and unconscious mind are still in play.  Where as we explore higher dimensions, visions in the spiritual world can stimulate ego prompts that evoke fearful images and concepts from the conscious and unconscious mind, that become mingled  together. Meaning we have to understand that whilst visions in our mind may not be totally real, there are some elements that are, so we have to work out true reality!

Many people have been helped and reassured by spirit communication.  And although I’ve been helped so much over the years by loving guides, I didn’t understand the rules  of energetic world that connects everything to everything else. Most mediums I know have no real problems with the spiritual world.  And I honestly don’t know why I’ve had such a hard time.  I used protective techniques, I called upon my guides and God for help.  I did what I thought I had to do, in order to stop attracting negative energy and entities toward me.  I pray things are different now though, as whilst I feel compassion for lost souls who linger out there, my sanity is more important to me.  So whereas before I’d disregard how I felt and put their welfare first, by working with them to my detriment, if helping means compromising my energy, I will put myself first and run for safety!

I think it’s probably a good time to relate one experience here, which happened to me nearly twenty years ago.  And regardless of whether you choose to believe it, I can assure you that although I was depressed, I was not psychotic.  I was awake, it was not a dream or vision, but a real, tangible happening, that for some reason was to become just one of many that I had to learn to deal with and understand…

Laying in bed one night, feeling terribly depressed, just like many other nights I called out to God, begging… ‘Please help me.  Tell me who my guides are so I can call on them to help me.  Dear God, help me feel better!’.  Suddenly from just above me, to the right, I heard a ‘Whoosh’ sound, and saw a large hand emerge out of nowhere.  As the hand opened in the darkness of the room, I saw that it held a large white egg in its palm.  Though stunned, I felt elated!  God had finally heard my cries of despair and was giving me a gift. I reached out my hand and took the egg that was being offered to me.  I could feel its shell, but when I examined it more closely I saw two large holes in it. The hand and the egg disappeared. But as I lay contemplating this miraculous manifestation, I felt disappointed about the broken egg! ‘Why was it broken?’ I wondered, as I lay in bed, trying to come to terms with what I’d just experienced.  I pinched myself to make sure I was awake, and looked around the room to make sure I was still where I should be. Suddenly I felt something touching my breasts.  As I looked down in disbelief I could see and feel my flesh moving underneath my nightdress, as though hands were groping me.  But there was no other human in the room! As the groping became more intense I tried to move but couldn’t.  I didn’t know what to do, as I didn’t know what the hands would do to me next, and in sheer terror I screamed out loudly ‘Fuck off…leave me alone’, repeating it a few times before the groping finally stopped.  I didn’t sleep for a week after that!

Seems far-fetched doesn’t it.  Regardless, this happened to me!  I didn’t imagine it happened!

We live according to human rules, which we ignore or deviate from if we choose.  But when we enter into higher consciousness, there are strict energetic, universal laws that come into play, that will never change, regardless of how much we try to prise them one way or another.  The law of attraction dictates that like attract like, so needy people who seek solace through the spiritual world, will attract needy spiritual beings on other dimensions.  If you are angry, depressed, proud or whatever, when channelling you will most certainly draw spirits toward you that match your agenda.  This is no accident, as dealing with the troubled spirit allows healing and learning for both parties, according to the law of reaction which states ‘What you give you get!’.

When we do make contact with a spirit, and it tells us things, we should remember not to trust them until we get to know them better, and have proven their help is actually helpful to us.  As whilst there are beautiful guides available to help us, the spiritual world contains both light and dark entities, just like good and bad humans on earth.  Meaning there are some dark spirits out there who want to con us, because they want something from us.  Namely our energy!  Because when they can nestle like a parasite into our energy field, they can survive using our power.  Where eventually as they become stronger, they try to overtake our personality and live our life as their own.

You may think your guides will help, the angels will protect you.  But are you sure your guides are working for the highest good?  And are you experiencing your own feelings – or are you picking up on the feelings of an earthbound entity that has attached itself to you, because you’re feeling as bad as it, where like attracts like!

It’s a wonderful experience when we make contact with the energy of an angel, or higher spiritual guide.  Their sublime energy embraces you as you feel the warmth of their touch, or sense their presence, or  hear their words of comfort in your mind.  But it’s a different matter when you are touched by a dark entity, whose craftiness and despairing need clings on to your energy, sapping your strength and will.  The problem is, if you are already over-burdened, you may not even recognise the deepening depression, the extra-anxiety, the intensifying  feelings of heaviness on your shoulders.  You may think it’s just you!

If ever I’m in doubt, I close my eyes, put my attention to my mind, and say this out loud three times…

‘I ask my higher guides to remove all negative energy/entities from my energy system’.

I then try to sense energy rising upwards, from my body, leaving through the top of my head.  Try it whenever you feel low, see what you think!

We can choose to develop our sensitivity to such a level that we can feel other people’s pain.  We can hear their thoughts before they acknowledge them, we can sense what they are feeling and why, before even they are aware.  This is what happened to me a few years ago, where after working so hard to make myself more sensitive, my need for sanity meant I had to learn how to desensitize myself, because it didn’t feel good in any way. Opening our mind to higher consciousness means we’re able to see the truth of the world.  But we’re not used to this level of honesty and clarity, so as we try to make sense of our experiences, it can freak us out!

There are many who dismiss clairvoyance as ‘just imagination’, refusing to accept there is a spiritual reality at all. Simply because they cannot see, hear of feel what the medium can.  It’s for this reason that psychics have been classified as fraudulent, psychotic, insane, or simply having a vivid imagination.  But I am genuine and my experiences felt very real! Such as messages that proved correct, guidance that helped me and others.  Extraterrestrials who gave information about the birth of mankind and its development.  It also felt very real when I was sitting having a cup of tea one morning, when a native American guide manifested unexpectedly in front of me.  That was a total surprise I can tell you!  But these are the good things.

The bad elements also felt very real.  The aliens exiting from open vortices into our world, the hideous soul energy of murderers who still believe they have the right to harm others, the terrible pain of discarnate souls who committed suicide to find some peace, but are still earthbound.  The terror that rose in me during times I realised entities had firmly attached to me, that could drive me to the brink of insanity.  The worst of these times happened in 1987, 1996 and 2006.  Where the struggle to regain my personality after breakdown, felt very real I can assure you!

My experiences have proven the spiritual world is real to those who have opened their mind, consciousness and heart.  Images we see through our mind can be real or imagined – this is the predicament.  How do we know truth? I tried to conduct my spiritual behaviour according to my egotistical nature and its rules.  But it doesn’t work like that in the spiritual world! My energy was weak because I lacked self-confidence. I wanted to help them, but fear was so deeply ingrained within my personality that I made myself a target.

I hate it that I’ve had to experience the dark side of spirit.  I don’t feel a victim, as I know that whatever has occurred was for a valid reason. But when we lack experience, and are being fed energetically harmful information, our logical mind and physical personality can implode. Causing enormous overwhelm to our sanity, because we find it difficult to work out what is real and what isn’t any more!  Leading us to fear, with increasing terror, that we are losing our sanity, because we cannot control or stop the dark images, thoughts and feelings, that we have unwittingly welcomed into our personal energetic world!

I would clarify at this point that there are those who suffer mental health problems, for a variety of reasons, who are delusional and claim to have spiritual visitations. Where it’s vital they receive appropriate expert help.  And I accept that sometimes it’s difficult to determine if a person is unbalanced, authentically channelling information or just cold reading (as the experts call it).  My concern is, our soul energy is awakening to the call of natural evolution. Meaning we will all become more intuitive in the not too distant future.

But what will happen when your mind opens to other dimensions.  If you doubt spiritual reality, will you automatically assume the person who receives channelled guidance to be delusional, including you?  Because if so, you could hold yourself back by denying the crucial help you need! Or will you throw yourself in at the deep end, and just believe whatever you are told by beings you deem as having higher intelligence, when they have not?

This is the predicament mentioned earlier!  We live adult life according to what we were told as children.  We believed what we were told, even if it wasn’t true, because regardless, we thought ‘they’ knew better than us.  This is the same when we start to channel.  We believe spirit is good because that is what we’ve been told. We create new beliefs around our mediumship, and experience a new sense of power that we have another world at our disposal! It can make us feel very powerful, elated, in control, all-knowing and seeing.  It can also destroy our lives unless we close our mind, reject the images and allow our consciousness to come back to physical earth.  Then, next time we start communicating with other dimensions, once we’ve recovered our lucidity and trust we are sane, we will remain in control of our mind, take it more slowly and not believe every spirit is good, or knows best.

So we have to make up our own mind about what to believe, when we catch sight of dead people, angels, our guides and other entities.  And decipher whether our imagination is just running away with what we think we should be seeing, or even what we’re most afraid of seeing.  But maybe we need help to do just that!  What are your thoughts?

Read Full Post »