I’m prompted to write this post because of the many cases of suicide I’m hearing about lately! Each time I hear another person has killed themselves my heart cries out… ‘NO’…’THIS IS NOT RIGHT’…!! I feel it’s dark shudder through my whole being! Every week it happens! Every day someone kills themselves because they can’t cope with their problems, their relationships, their emotions or their life!
This is not right…how can it be…these are our children, the people of the future…?
I feel so frustrated…! I feel so sad for these people and their lost life…! I recognise their terrible anguish and feel compelled to do something to help – ‘But what can I do?’ I ask myself…! How can I help change someone’s mind if they feel determined to take such action? How can I convince someone that whilst they may be suffering now, their future contains wonderful experiences they would be desperately sad that they’d missed? How can I communicate to them that once their life is gone, they will have missed all the opportunities for healing and growth their soul had signed up for? How can I prove that life is filled with both light and dark times, and whilst they may be in bleakness now, the wonderful times filled with love and light are only a breath away…?
And how can I help them understand that they are so much more, than their physical reality…?
I have personal experience of suicide… my father committed suicide aged 53. I have fought and resisted the compelling demons myself on more occasions than I would like to admit. I’ve friends who’ve lost a relative through suicide, and I’ve worked professionally with clients who have felt suicidal. So…let me tell you a little about what I know, and maybe, just maybe, there will be someone reading this post that will benefit from my words, and NOT kill themselves…! For I know, without a shadow of doubt, that suicide is not always the best solution…as it simply causes more suffering one way or another…!
Many people are feeling overwhelmed by their experiences of life! The problem is that because there’s so many hurdles to face, we’re not getting the rough and the smooth times that allow us to consolidate what we’ve learned – to reassure and calm ourselves down. Whereby when life seems wrong or broken, and nothing feels good enough, depression can slowly edge its way into our existence, or pounce on us unannounced, as we struggle to cope with the upsetting turbulence in our life….!
So, it helps to understand that challenges can help us grow…otherwise confusion as to why we have to suffer dominates our whole being and convinces us that we, or others, are the sole cause of our problems, when really they’re not!
Our internal and external worlds are changing more than ever before, and there’s so much pessimism nowadays it’s difficult to rise above the storm of opposition we face almost daily. However, one major thing I’ve learned, is that life is meant to be challenging – for a good reason…to help us grow stronger! As it’s during the times we feel most alone, burdened and weak, that we’re compelled to find inner strengths to cope with our situation. Each time this happens (let’s call it a hurdle), we learn something new…a piece of wisdom that will help us better manage our future. As regardless of how difficult, painful and hopeless our situation appears, there is always a way through it…somehow! Even if it does mean finding ways to come to terms with what we’ve lost, or accepting what we can’t change, or stepping up and accepting responsibilities to ourself or others, that take us out of our comfort zone!
We’re meant to grow stronger through our challenges – not give up! And whilst, when feeling weary, we may decide to opt-out of the rat-race for a time, we must remember that life is, and always will be transformational and transitional. Where everything comes and goes in its own time! And whilst there will be times when we can speed things up or slow things down, there will also be times when we can’t stop things happening. As there are some external things we can’t control, and there’s things like our mind and emotions that we can control, but don’t, because we don’t know how!
Sometimes we have to fight ourselves and our egotistical mind to get what we want, and resist taking action that can harm us or others, or that can impair our future happiness! This means when we think we can’t take any more, or go on feeling this bad any longer…we step outside of our immediate circumstances and look to the universe to provide what we need. Religion doesn’t need to come into play here…just the realisation that we are energetic beings living in an energetic world, where we are the creators…! We create many situations by things we do, say or think…so if we acknowledge the part we’ve played in getting us where we are (without beating ourselves up), then we can see where we’ve gone wrong, and maybe identify what we can do to put things right!
Thus, when feeling desolate, we have to force ourselves to remember that even though we’ve got enormous problems that seem insurmountable now, given proper attention they will reduce over time. Offering us the opportunity to embark on a new pathway, that will lead us to better and different things than we’ve previously known! This is why our life is often referred to as…A JOURNEY…because that IS what it is…! And thank goodness for that…because even though we get upset when we lose the things we want to keep, it also means that given time, our bad times will also eventually pass!
There’s a variety of reasons why people commit suicide, ranging from being overwhelmed with life, painful emotions, uncontrollable experiences; those suffering depression; those who overdose with their addictions, and those with terminal illness who choose not to suffer any more than they must. And whilst we can recognise the contributing factors that prompt suicide thoughts, it’s the inability to control both our external and internal worlds, that create the overwhelming impulse that makes us want to self-harm!
There are those who condemn suicide as being wrong, and others who accept the more fatalist way of thinking that states… ‘It’s their choice’, or ‘It was their soul plan’…! My own view?….Personal experience has taught me that we kill ourselves when we are acutely depressed or distressed by overwhelming problems, and believe there is nothing better to live for…!
We can kill ourselves on the whim of a single impulse, or we can plan our actions methodically. We can be frantic in our actions, or we can be calm and collected! We can intentionally mean to kill ourselves, or we can attempt suicide to get the professional help we so desperately need, but have not been able to get. Regardless, we view suicide as an ‘OPTION’… because we believe there is nothing else we can do…to stop our intolerable pain!
But…suicide is NOT an option to life…!!
Suicide ends all the opportunities you may have to experience love, success and happiness in your future! And though you can’t feel happiness now, it doesn’t mean it’s not there…! It is…I promise you…because I know…! You just have to do things a bit differently than before! You have to know how to wait for, find, and grab all of these wonderful things when the time is right, as whilst awareness is the true key to success, ignorance and lack of positive action is our biggest curse!
I understand the factors that create the impulse to kill ourselves. The depression that leads us to believe life is worthless because we’re ‘shit’…we’ll never be good enough! I know the feelings inside that drag our morale out of existence, shattering any shreds of self-esteem and hope that we may have left inside our weary heart and mind! I know the panic and futility that financial, employment and relationship problems can create, where the explosion of powerlessness in your mind and emotions brings you to your knees, and you don’t have enough of what it takes to get yourself back up on your feet again.
I know the dark tunnel of despair, that is relentlessly long, that leads you to believe that it and your pain, will never end…! And I know the overwhelming impulse to kill yourself when you don’t want to live, or the terrifying experience of wanting to kill yourself, even though you really don’t want to die!
Only those who know these things, will know…!
Our will, our heart, our mind can break during our emotional journeying. And when this happens we need to utilise all of our coping skills just to maintain some sense of balancing act, that supports us as we falter and fall from our current existence. This is the time when many give up, believing there is nothing left to give, nothing to receive, nothing to live for. But they are wrong! As it’s at this point of collapse, that our world will naturally start to rebuild, stronger and better – if we allow it to…almost like a second chance…to do things differently!
When we contemplate suicide our thoughts are dominated by what we’ve lost, what we can’t have and what we can’t do. A perception that is contaminated by depressive thoughts that lie to us …constantly telling us how we are weak or wrong, we can’t take any more of it…, life will never improve…, we’ll never get what we want… etc. We believe our thoughts and bad feelings because there’s been nothing to prove to us that they’re wrong!
We feel pain; we feel anger; we feel numb; we cry; we are silently screaming…we are trying to decide what to do for the best! But when there are no positives in our life, and we are not an enlightened being who has learned the art of self-management, our options appear limited. So we remind ourselves there’s nothing we can do to improve our miserable existence! Nothing we can do that will take away our internal pain. Our anguish cuts to the core of our soul…so how can we stop how we’re feeling? How can we stop this terrifying or desolate way of life that has been bestowed upon us by society, by other people, by our own resources, by God or fate, whatever…how can we stop all of this PAIN...?
But think about this…please! As when we’re so overwhelmed by our anguish, how can we think clearly and know what to do to sort out our life? How can we know answers that we’ve never learned? How can we reignite our hope and optimism when we can’t see the light at the end of the long, dark tunnel of despair? As all we can see and feel is stuckness, darkness and an intolerable urge to escape from where we are? Whereby our real problem is not what’s happening in our life…but is probably the depression that has silently taken over our thinking, feeling, existence and life!
Thus…you are not the problem, your life is not the problem –DEPRESSION has become the priority problem which now has to be attended to first, meaning you may need help from those who can support you until you feel better – which you will, given time!
We won’t feel excitement or enthusiasm when we’re depressed, so at our worst times we have to find a way to remember…something…! Just a snippet of information that will support the idea that maybe there is a way through our turmoil. That we will be okay soon. That our life will be worth living, the problem will be resolved – and our pain will stop!! We have to force ourselves to remember a little bit of wisdom, that will trigger the hope that lies dormant inside us. Hope that just maybe, we can survive this pain…that tomorrow our life will start to improve and everything will work out okay…eventually!
When contemplating suicide, we can use various reasons to stay alive…our loved ones, ambitions etc. But sometimes none of these things matter at the crucial point of action…there is only thought of what you have to do, what needs to be done to make everything go away…! But our perception is distorted! Our mind is unbalanced because it cannot perceive positively! Our mind is governed by confused negative thinking that has become habitual and destructive! Our mind feels like it is not our own…yet we can feel more in control than ever before. And we know, without a shadow of doubt that our actions are the right actions. We know that this…suicide…is the best and only thing to do…!
But it’s not…WE ARE WRONG WHEN WE THINK THAT!..We over react because we don’t know what else to do… to make things right…!
So let’s me try to change your perception a little…as right now you may be believing that attempting to change your life is futile, as nothing you’ve tried before has worked. There are too many things against you…and you can’t see how you will ever get out of this mess!! And I realise that you might not feel like reading a long article..I know how hard it can be to concentrate…please persevere though, as something I write may trigger something inside of you to wake up and fight back…!
Let’s start by remembering there’s always a beginning and end to everything. The only thing this doesn’t apply to is energy, as energy is infinite but constantly changing form. So to make things easier to navigate, it helps to see episodes of conflict, depression, and despair, as us being inside a tunnel we enter from one end and eventually leave by the other…the length of the tunnel varies from one experience to another, according to our attitude and what actions we take to get the help we need!
Of course we all want life to be smooth, happy and easy…but it’s not is it? It’s filled with dark tunnels, both short and long, at various distance points that we have to transcend through, to move along our life pathway. This is just how it is and always will be! But also remember, that in between the tunnels is our good times. And as we learn to negotiate our way through the various challenges thrown at us, the tunnels of darkness become less frequent…!
As mentioned before, life is meant to be challenging because it allows us to change and grow. So when we face heavy-duty challenges, a set of external and/or internal circumstances can lead us into the darkness of mental and emotional despair (the tunnel), which we can move forward through reasonably quickly if we’re not depressed, by using our skills, and help from others, to get where we need to go – which usually evokes some sort of positive change to our lives!
The trouble is when we get confused, scared or don’t know how to resolve our problems, we can get stuck between the entrance and exit points – so we freeze, because we can’t propel ourselves forward. We try to move forward doing all the things we’ve done before…then we’re surprised and disappointed when nothing seems to help! But how can we create change…when we keep doing the same things that don’t work? So we have to look beyond what we know…take a sidestep view and consider taking positive actions we’d not considered options before – just to take us to the next stepping stone!
It helps to see our route forward as stepping-stones. It means instead of seeing the big, unmanageable problem, we try to identify small ways to reduce our problem or make it easier to cope with – one forward step at a time, until we’ve navigated our way out of the dark tunnel, which can become a safe hiding place for a little while, or the prison we can’t escape from, that keeps us locked into our despair.
This tunnel leads us into the unknown and is where we battle ourselves to find answers we don’t know, solutions we can’t see. And if we get overwhelmed by our circumstances, this is where depression can set in and distort our ability to think clearly or positively, and where we start to believe we haven’t got what it takes to get through this…! But you have…you just haven’t used those skills yet. But they’re there, waiting for you to identify them – maybe you just need someone else to help you along the way, to see what you can’t see, or do what you can’t do! We all need help at some time…!
You are so much stronger than you realise! But how will you find your true power if you’re not given challenges? So mentally channel strength and courage into your heart….give yourself more time to learn what you need to know… find what you need to find! You are not alone…even if you feel you are. As regardless of whether you’re religious or not, you are an energetic being, meaning you are a spiritual being with access to helpers from many realms, who can stand by your side as you find your way through the darkness. Just trust they are there. Ask the angels/God/deity for help, to give you strength and courage to tolerate your inner emotions and calm your troubled mind. To send people into your life that can support you at your time of need. Then look for them, they will be there…!
Remember, depression may be the main problem now, so whilst other issues needs attention, depression needs attending to first! If you believe you’re not depressed, but are considering self-harming, then I have to tell you that you ARE depressed. Which means there is a chemical disruption in your body that makes your mind think bad thoughts. Thoughts that are not true! Depression makes a mountain out of a molehill, depression turns a summer shower into a full-blown wintery storm…depression distorts logic, reason, beliefs, truth…it is very powerful! But our conscious mind is stronger, wiser…once we know how to use it in a positive, structured way!
Stuck emotional energy can make us depressed and feel bad. One of the easiest ways I’ve found to get energy unstuck is by tapping…EFT(emotional freedom technique). It can have immediate affect…everything you need to know about tapping can be found on-line! It’s worth knowing about as it can reduce your emotional pain in an instant, and give you a clearer mind!
Your mind can take you into the darkness and lead you out of it! Depression makes us think dark thoughts, whereas using positive affirmations mean we can use our mental energy to create energetic changes in our life that make us feel better. So, when you think bad thoughts, immediately cancel them out and affirm…
‘All is well in my life’ or…
‘My life and situation is getting better and better each day’ or…
‘I am healthy, happy and well. And protected at all times’.
I know you don’t believe them now…But the more you balance the negative thoughts with positive statements, the more stable your thoughts, emotions and life will become. So say these or other positive statements often – they will create new neural pathways in your mind that can attract good things toward you, and counteract the dark thoughts.
Our thoughts can literally change our life…one way or another. You choose how…!
I also know the despair that each day brings, where instead of waking up and embracing opportunities that a fresh day brings, our mind takes us harshly back to OUR reality. Where there’s nothing to get up for, nothing to do with our precious time and skills. Nothing we can do to change our miserable existence. However, I’ve learned that what appears the hardest route, is often the easiest! So as depression and anxiety can make us feel exhausted, you may think that staying in bed or sleeping on the settee all day may be the easiest way to cope with your nothingness. But let me tell you it just adds to your misery…as whilst you do nothing, nothing will change! So do something positive each day, however small…it will act like a stepping stone that will get you unstuck!
Taking small positive actions and physical exercise is REALLY important when depressed – it gets stuck energy moving. You don’t have to do loads, as just walking or running around the block a couple of times a day will stimulate your mind and help you feel more grounded. So whilst going out or being with others is the last thing you feel like doing, just remember if you do the positive things to help depression, like setting yourself small goals, walking in the fresh air for a while each day, or meeting some friends, you may start to feel better and more ‘normal’.
What you ingest plays a big part in how you feel…! If you are taking drugs, alcohol, living on junk food or starving yourself, your physical health will be affected, which will in turn cause changes to your moods, making it feel as though they are in control of you, rather than the other way round.
I know you might not be bothered about these things, but they affect how you feel. And if we feel bad it helps to know why…then we can take corrective action!
When we are consumed by anguish, our vision is blocked and distorted. So when facing your darkest moment, remember time changes everything! Tomorrow could be the day your luck and life improves. Make the decision to wait a bit longer…just in case! As the tomorrow, that’s the start of new things to come for you, will soon become today…where today is the day you start encouraging yourself to get life back in good order…today is when you find the answers you’ve been looking for, or the help you so need! Today is the day when life seems worth living again!
But more than that…I want you to remember this …if you kill yourself, you will never get to find what you’ve been looking for! So all of your pain and suffering would have been for nothing…your life futile…because you did not see it through the tunnel, out into the light, where you reach the part of your experience where you get to reap the rewards for your efforts!
There are so many things I wanted to write in this article, but it would make it too long…too much to take in when you feel as you do! So even though I’ve spent over a week trying to get this article ‘right’, I have to accept I can’t say it all here and I might not say it in the best way. But I hope I’ve conveyed something that will help you believe that whilst there’s so much in life we don’t know about, we have to learn through experience. And though we may be ready to experience new things, and have to wait until the time is ready for ‘it’ to appear, we still have to take small actions to get us where we need to be. Small steps that lead us out of the tunnel of darkness and despair, and nearer to our goals!
As I’ve matured I’ve learned that the biggest problem I have in my life is me…my attitude, my expectations, my lack of self-confidence…my fear! We are so frightened of who we think we are! So instead of berating myself about not being good enough, like I used to, I’m glad I can see personality aspects that make life more difficult for me. As then I can redesign them to become more profitable instead of destructive. This is good to know, as instead of trying to change other people, when we accept the power we have over ourselves we can change who we are, and create a personality that works for us, not against us!
We have to learn how to be brave…but it’s not always easy!
Life is meant to be an arena where we fight our destructive egotistic tendencies and replace them with love, compassion, trust and hope. And as we win each battle of wills, we become a little bit stronger, a little wiser, and a bit more confident as life becomes a little easier. I know this is true…as even though it was desperately hard at my darkest moments, I somehow found the strength inside me and waited for the future…I waited for the good things to come…! What has changed for the better…? Me…and my life!
I am so glad I stayed…I really hope you choose to stay too…!
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