I often wonder why my life is so challenging and hard to manage at times, where I ask myself.. ‘Is it me?’ or ‘Is this problem caused by something I’m doing wrong?’. I don’t want to be a victim or a martyr – I just want to feel fulfilled, safe and happy. And like so many others nowadays, I constantly seek to know what I’m doing that is causing my life to be such hard work, as then I can correct my behaviour and find what I’m looking for!
I used to feel really bad about myself, but after years of self-searching, healing and personal and spiritual development, I’ve finally learned how not to resort to self-deprecation every time something in my life doesn’t go the way I want or expect. So I suppose I have to give acknowledgement and thanks to the fact that I’ve now got the ability to feel compassion for myself, which is a wonderful reward for all the hard work I’ve put in. However it doesn’t stop the pain of life from happening in the first place.
We are all so attached to things and people, which means we carry a huge burden around with us. But I believe the time has come when we must find a way to stand alone, confident in who we are, without needing others to prop us up to make us feel whole and complete. As only then will we recognise and own all that we really are, and become all that we can be!
There’s many things that have lost their hold on me, including food, alcohol and shopping. But even though these addictions cost me a lot financially and healthwise, I have to wonder why, if I’ve cut out my excessive intake of food and alcohol, then why am I still so overweight! And if I hardly ever shop for things other than a basic food shop once a week, then why am I still so poor?
If we use the logic of input versus output, we would assume that because I’d reduced my calorific intake I’d lose weight. And because I’m not using retail therapy as a comforter any more, then I’d have more available money to spend. But that’s not the case, so I have to look again at the logic we use to understand our dilemmas. Because science says less calories equals weight loss, but I’ve not found this so. Any more than I can accept that whilst I’m spending so much less my debts are increasing!
Our logic – real and sometimes unrealistic, is the thing that governs our life. As every choice and decision we make is influenced by our weighing-up process! And whilst wisdom is accrued through our learning experiences that helps us to see things more sensibly, clearly and objectively, I have discovered that whereas I thought my life could be controlled and determined by my good intentions, the reality is that life often presents us with an important and valuable pathway that we can follow or resist, depending on how we feel in that moment of time!
Maybe things would be better for us all if we learned to wonder a little bit more about the nature of life, because nature has its own laws of existence that we don’t really understand, because we’re so busy trying to survive and be comfortable with ourselves and our lives. But something is happening ‘out there’ that is making things very uncomfortable for many of us, and I need to know what it is!
We know so many terrible problems are caused by what man does to man, caused by both selfish and selfless reasons. But what is causing our society and the rest of the world to suffer so much? Is it due to our need for soul healing and learning? Is it karma, where the cause of law and effect dictates that what we did before, now returns it’s consequences? Then of course there’s the possibility that life is as it is, just because that’s how it is! So, if life is so unpredictable and changeable, which causes many of us to panic because we feel so vulnerable, then what is the best way to cope with our lot?
Sometimes our erroneous way of weighing-up situations causes us extra problems, in which case we would benefit from learning how to view life from a different perspective that helps us to feel calmer. For me it’s helpful to view life as a series of stepping stones, where I see each stone as an experience or challenge I have to face head-on and deal with. So by going with the flow of the moment, instead of resisting change by trying to stand rigidly firm in my own knowing, I’m able to more easily manage my thoughts and adapt my emotions, in order to cope with external changes that are forcing me into unknown or uncomfortable territory.
Through experience I’ve learned to recognise when I’m panicking, and know that if I stabilise myself by making the decision to go with the flow and take one step at a time, then my anxiety and need to correct the situation reduces, because I know now that everything, and I mean everything, is temporary! This approach doesn’t mean I don’t feel anxiety or despair. Or escape the excruciating terror that surfaces when we are forced to let go of attachments and concepts that form our stability. But it does help me regain control of my mind and emotions, and stops me flipping over the edge as I’ve done so often in the past!
I wonder if life will ever become what I hope for. But I’m not going to let my disillusionment add to my distress, as even though I’m psychic, I’ve not got the ability to see how life ends up – maybe because it’s not been concluded yet. So as much as I can, I force myself to generate hope and optimism for the future, because that feels better than believing that pain is all life has to offer!
Knowing that each stepping stone I encounter contains challenges and adventures that will make me stronger, braver and more independent, means I’ve been able to change my all or nothing perception, that has blocked my progress and happiness for such a long time. And now I realise I don’t always need to know the answers to everything, I can focus my attention on reality and not on my unrealistic desire for stability, permanence and predictability!
So, to conclude this blog I would like to invite you to examine your approach to your dilemmas, and identify whether you are trying to control something that is uncontrollable, fix something that is un-fixable, or attempt something that is impossible to achieve in the current circumstances. If so, you might like to try the stepping stone approach, whereby you take one step, one stage at a time, allowing yourself to be guided and prompted by the situational needs. As by reducing your need to control or resist the unknown, and learning how to go with the flow, you may eventually get to the place where you yearn to be!