After I commented on his blog recently, a blogging friend said this to me….
‘I’m not at all sure what I feel and think is valid. Sometimes I hate myself for being the way I am. I feel there is a war between two halves of me, and I dare not let either side win!’.
I said….’This is where real transformation can take place, where you discover your own truth about what is real and what is not – (for you). The ‘war’ is the battle between our authentic self and ego. Only we can decide which team wins!’
He said…’Ok, which is my authentic self? The unthinking soul or the rational being? The right brain or the left?
WOW…EE >>>> Trigger for my slumbering writing mind to go into action….!
Well…as the mind and emotions are my favourite subject, and what I like to write about most, I thought I’d write the answer in this article and explain a little about how we can resolve mental and emotional turmoil, simply by identifying with our ‘Authentic Self’.
First of all let’s talk about our thoughts…!
We have a naturally intelligent and creative mind that will automatically work to rectify conflict, according to how we’ve developed our thinking process, problem-solving skills, and how we feel emotionally about the issue and ourselves. Our mind is wired to give us reasons for doing or not doing things, and confirmations that we, they or ‘it’ are right or wrong.
However, did you realise that every single thought that passes through your mind, has another thought attached to it? And that THAT thought also has another thought connected to it – creating a ‘chain of thoughts’?
Meaning that when you worry, you don’t just cognitively and emotionally react to one thought, but to many more!
…Try it for yourself…. paying attention to your head space so you’re aware of your thoughts, think about an issue you’re dealing with, or something you want to do/not do…then wait, listen and watch your mind for what follows after that initial thought…
Or you could use this example….Say in your mind…’I am enough!’…
If you kept your mind open and stayed attentive, you would notice more dialogue emerging as another thought follows the first, which when identified would generate another, until there is a constant stream of mind-chat passing through your awareness. The thoughts can be supportive to your ideals, against, or even both! So in the example of ‘I am enough’, your mind would offer further evidence for or against that statement, depending on how good you felt about yourself in the first place!
Also…did you realise that because you have an internal belief system that you have developed over your lifetime (your Frame of Reference I call it), you have conscious and unconscious thoughts that KNOW they are right – even if they’re not in reality correct or appropriate! And that when we evaluate our issues, these are the type of thoughts that surface, in order to influence our decisions… which in turn stimulates any past emotional or psychological agenda (memories) we have tucked away deep inside us, that resonates in any way with those thoughts!
Now the problem seems to be that because we often remain unaware of these hidden or silent thoughts, which are generated from our unconscious mind in order to guide and help us, they remain unacknowledged and un-pacified. So they can build-up in the background waiting for our acknowledgement of them. Thus if we’re worrying about something we find hard to resolve, loads of different negative and positive thoughts would be generated, in order to help us find the answer we need. But which could cause us to feel overwhelmed because we don’t know how to deal with the pressure they are creating, in our mental and emotional system.
Our thoughts can be likened to decisions…I will/won’t, can/can’t etc. So when we’re struggling with conflicting thoughts, it’s probably because we can’t make the final decision to console or justify whatever it is we’re dealing with….am I right/wrong, should I do it/not do it, is this going to help/hinder me, was it my/their fault this happened etc? All questions that need answers, one way or another, because so many of us feel scared about leaving things alone, undone, unknown, unfinished in our way…!
Consequently, we don’t know what to do for the best, so we stimulate our vulnerability – which has many other roots in our memory system which can then become re-activated, perpetuating our confused thinking, emotional pressure and fear of the future…!
This is why we become so fraught when we face our dramas; where in order to console ourselves, we have to work out how make a decision that we’re unsure about, or find a safe way to exonerate ourselves or others from aspects of blame/guilt/shame/responsibility!
Conflict, namely old, bad memories, experiences, reactions and fears, runs throughout our energy system, causing energy blocks. And when we find ourselves experiencing mental or emotional conflict dilemmas, it activates other latent conflicts; as current energy status seeks to find old like-energy, in order to unite and console itself (universal law of attraction – like attracts like).
That’s why over-thinking can send us crazy sometimes! Because we enter a cyclical conflict process that can only be resolved by making a decision that allows us to release any emotional attachment to the problem…but that we find so hard to comfortably do, because that decision-making-process interferes with the negative, yet habitual weighing-up cognitive process we use, that can exhaust us on every level, if we allow it to!
Thus, it happens that we get pushed over the edge by something simple, and react inappropriately, not realising that what we’re really dealing with is fear that’s been brought up from the past!
So, when your mind is all over the place, pushing your stress levels through the roof because you can’t seem to stop the intrusive thoughts that scream and shout in your mind, what exactly can you do to help yourself feel better? And how do you know which part of your mind is telling you the truth, that will help you finalise any conflict decision?
Well firstly, we have to be aware that our brain is wired up to be creative and think logically. This is how we usually resolve everyday problems. However, when we’re caught-up in a dilemma that affects us emotionally, it’s hard to think logically because we’ve got so many other reactive thoughts being generated. Which in turn stimulates us emotionally. Which then, to top it all, stimulates even more reactive thoughts, then feelings, then thoughts, then feelings…..I’m sure you get the picture by now!
This is the thinking process that governs our mind, emotions, responses, reactions and actions! Most of the time ‘IT’, our mind, seems to rule us. But we can regain control at anytime during the turbulent process, simply by consciously stepping into our mind, and diverting our thinking from our head to our authentic self, the God-Self that is wise and compassionate, and does not react to our fear prompts!
But how do we find the ‘Authentic’ us? How do we know which part of us is real, true and trustworthy enough for us to believe in it’s wisdom? And how can it reduce our conflict?
We often have dialogue within certain parts of ourself that we think are our soul or higher nature, when really it’s just another part of our ego mind trying to convince us we are right or okay! And when we have an internal conversation that is critical, damning, chastising, defensive or retaliative toward us or others – in any way, this is NOT our higher nature, but is our mind battling within itself, to find justification, permission, approval, exoneration or praise!
It’s easy to fool ourselves into believing our thoughts are true, as we’ve done so throughout our entire existence. But whereas conscious and unconscious thoughts can stimulate our anxiety when we face conflict, soul guidance carries a different vibration – a calm, balanced feel that can support, console and calm our anxiety, because once we’ve started to listen to our inner voice and test out the information we receive, we know the words that come from this energy to be true.
Try this…next time you’re struggling with yourself, for whatever reason, become aware of the pressure in your head, caused by the see-saw of thoughts that’s trying to influence your judgement. Where’s the pressure – the top/ middle, back/front, right/left side? How intense is it – low, moderate, high?
Okay, now let that pressure go…just by telling yourself ‘I allow this pressure to soften and flow, soften and flow, soften and flow’…(Emotrance technique). You can place your hands on your head whilst you do this if you like, as we’ve all got healing abilities.
Initially you may not feel the energy moving, but when you’re more experienced and aware you will notice a shift in the pressure.
Take a couple of deep calming breaths – in through your nose, slowly out through your mouth…
Then, move your attention downwards, to the centre of your chest – the heart chakra centre, and look for the answers there. Some people call this the ‘God-mind/soul/intuition/higher mind/authentic self’. But hey, as long as it helps us sort ourselves out, what does it matter what it’s called…!
Now, seek your guidance from your heart centre – which I class as our Authentic Self – the part of us that knows all we ever need to know. So instead of asking questions in your mind, constantly bouncing between right and left brain, you ask your heart centre to help you answer your query.
Whilst you can get answers to your questions from the heart centre, you will probably not get a direct ‘yes you should’ or ‘no you shouldn’t’ response, as you’re more likely to receive some sort of guidance that will help you make that important decision, or find the awareness you were seeking.
This heart-centre contains our voice of wisdom and can console us because it thinks outside of our fear. When we try to rationalise our problems we often make them bigger or worse than they are. But if we use our heart-centre authenticity to guide us, we get the benefit of wisdom that will increase our awareness of influences that inhibit our normal judgement. Which means we start to become superior to our ego, so we become less reactive, because we’re not bound by ego prompts as much!
When we start detaching our decisions from the influences of our ego, we feel happier and more grounded in life, as we’re not being pulled and pushed by logic/illogical thoughts that try to support our negative personality traits.
Learning to become objective to our own life is a hard skill to master, as we’re such emotional and frightened beings, caused by the negative way we use our mind. But the ‘voice’ we hear or sense from our heart centre, is never afraid. This is the voice of LOVE, compassion, reason, wisdom and empathy, that will, if we listen to it, console our trouble mind and comfort our turbulent emotions!
Sooo, although our mind is more competent than any computer, using the heart centre as an additional guide to work out our problems ensures we have the information we need, to make more informed decisions. It is the voice of a loving friend who can offer us a different perspective on who we are, our problems and challenges. It will also, if we pay attention to it’s guidance, help and encourage us to find the best way of living our life, because it will help us find our truth!!
Learning to… let go… of our need to control, influence, be involved in a situation, or be part of someone else’s life, is one of our hardest lessons, as it goes against what we desire, whilst our natural instincts are primed to get us what we want!
But sometimes it happens that we’ve found what we desire, but not in the place we think…!
Mental and emotional turmoil walk together! So if we’re unhappy emotionally, our mind will become conflicted when we use our own ego-based rules to try to sort it out. There are times when because we feel so overwhelmed by how we feel, regardless of what our problem is, our main desire is just to be able to feel calm, and be in control of our mind and emotions. We don’t care about ‘the problem’ any more! We just want to feel normal again!
Having a regular dialogue with our Authentic Self, located in our heart centre, will help us achieve that desire…!