Archive for June, 2012

Being a spiritual counsellor, I’m no stranger to sharing emotional and mental pain, disturbance and confusion.  And my guides have often told me ‘Write about your pain as it will help many people’. Yet I’ve been finding it increasingly difficult to ‘Bare my soul’ to the world, in order to promote myself and my talents!  I like to think this is because I’ve spent years doing loads of self-development and healing work, meaning there’s not a lot of pain left to share.  And to a point that’s true!

Reading about other people’s experiences can often help us cope with our own. But I struggle to dredge-up old issues to share, as I’ve no desire whatsoever, to relive or revitalise the terrible emotional pain I’ve struggled with for so long, and tried so hard to cope with, forget, ignore, heal and release!  And to be honest, there’s already so much anguish and negative energy out there, the last thing I want to do is add to it when I don’t really need to!  However, the past is our teacher.  So we should remember what we’ve learned from it, otherwise we can forget, and before we know it return to past! This how we repeat negative cycles!

But the crux is, that whilst we focus on healing pain of the past, we also have to deal with current and future crisis points in a different way. By breaking old reactive patterns that we’ve built our life and personality upon, but which impair our progress.  So whilst my intention is to help other people overcome obstacles in their life, if I’ve got a problem spreading my ‘helpful’ truths, then I need to know what’s going on inside my head and my heart, that is stopping me from doing just that?  My personality conflict is stopping my progress and I need to know why!

Just like everyone else I feel confused about why our lives are changing so dramatically, and anxiously wonder where these challenges will eventually lead us. Can things get any worse, will they ever get better? I face struggle daily, as I strive to overcome my tendencies to analyse, plan, control and over-react to my experiences. I feel sad about opportunities I’ve missed or avoided in the past.  If I’d accepted more challenges, my life may have been more fulfilled than it is today. I know I’ve caused myself numerous problems.  Not intentionally of course, as why would I want to hurt me? Yet I know now, that me, you, unconsciously create unnecessary pain in our lives every day, in various ways. I’ve got over my egotistical drama-queen need to ‘Cry over spilt milk’.  But I still have to remind myself to acknowledge my inner stuff.  Otherwise I’m likely to ignore or deflect it, as I used to a long time ago!

As our problems increase, we’re all having to learn to cope with new levels of stress, that maybe we’ve not felt before.  Our emotions are more intense, our thoughts more self-destructive, panicky, reactive, chaotic.  This means that not only are we facing additional problems in our world, we are also facing parts of us we may never have met before and therefore don’t know how to handle or control! Thus, whilst we may think we feel bad because of our lack of influence over external problems, when we take a closer look at what’s going on, it might be apparent that the real problem is the way we are not coping with our internal stuff. And this we CAN do something about!

We could sit forever and blame this or that for our bad feelings and lack of success.  But it wouldn’t help resolve our anger, rage, fear, and disillusionment about the disappointments in our life!  Nor will it change what is happening to us!  I believe that challenges are not meant to prove how weak we are, but are intended to show us our innate strengths.  So if we look at the bigger picture of who we are, we’d remember there are times when we just have to go with the flow for a while.  To gain a clearer, overall, perspective of the situation, and establish a clear route forward that will lead us to where we need to be.

Much of my pain nowadays is caused by witnessing others’ dilemmas, when I know in my heart that I can probably help them!  And as a consequence I’m left with a pain that cannot be consoled.  I can’t mend broken or sick bodies – I only wish I could!  However, as a therapist I can help repair broken hearts, minds and emotions.  I can help console neglected souls. If only I’d let my ‘Healing Self’ be seen by the world!  For a long time I’d blame my lack of helping on not knowing HOW to help.  But I got fed-up whining ‘I don’t know how to help’ and lost patience with myself, bringing my professional life to a halt!  For Gods sake, I’m a bloody therapist.  And a competent one at that!  So what was the problem!

This last couple of years I’ve had many ideas flit through my mind, that could lead me into different areas of helping others.  But I’ve refused to allow my mind to focus on any action that would take me out into the world. As when I did, I freaked out inside.  And whilst I strive to practice what I preach as a counsellor, the harder I tried to push and navigate myself through my fear, the more intense my fear became! So eventually, after years of struggling with me, I gave up trying to be the inspirational force that motivated the belief that anything is possible, once you set your intentions clearly enough! I gave up on my desire to help others.  Instead I just sort of got carried along coping with events in my life.

I decided that maybe I wasn’t meant to be a therapist.  As how could I inspire anyone if I couldn’t make myself braver and thinner?  I knew I’d helped many people in the past, but what was the point of all my training and personal development if I couldn’t help now!  Maybe I was just deluding myself into believing I was more proficient than I really was!  Maybe I’d bitten off more than I could chew, as the saying goes! But letting myself off the hook this way didn’t help me feel better about me, my work or my life. As withdrawing my commitment to helping others simply confirmed my lack of professional competence.  As in my mind, if I was good enough I’d be out there working wouldn’t I?  So this avoidance strategy wasn’t working, meaning I had to change my mind and look at me again!

All problems are multi-layered, and it wasn’t until recently, whilst using Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping), that I realised that whilst I’d been beating myself up because I couldn’t maintain my focus for self-expansion, lack of focus wasn’t the problem! As the basic fact is, I can’t help anyone until I stop hiding myself away!

At that moment  I recognised that hiding myself away was the real problem!  The one that caused my need for addictive compensation, the one that stifled my personality growth.  The one that I’ve striven to heal, avoid, ignore, confront.  And here it is again, right back where it’s always been – in my face, mind and heart. Blocking me from doing anything different, going anywhere new, or following up new creative ideas that could lead to personal success!

During the last few weeks I’ve felt my tension and blood pressure rising, my adrenalin pumping as my energy was becoming more agitated.  My thoughts more self-critical, as I felt my confidence draining away like melting ice. Despairingly, I knew I’d reached the ‘stuck’ position I’ve been in many times before.  I know how I get there, I can feel the slide!  The problem is I’m not always able to correct my slippery slope once I’m on it, so down I go.  Into the pit of despair once more!

I’d been trying to physically work off my excess energy, mentally and emotionally reluctant to keep exploring old territory.  As I bombarded myself with failure messages I didn’t even want to think about my life, as my past efforts seemed so futile! I didn’t want to talk about it either, but when chatting to a friend on the phone a few days ago, who was aware of my plight, she said something that jolted me back into action!  She simply said, frustratingly, ‘Chrissie, why can’t you just go in (to my higher self) and sort it out once and for all.  Just like you do for other people?’.

She knows people I’ve helped, including her.  She knows my skills as a spiritual counsellor.  She knows how hard I would search to find a way to help others into awareness. And she couldn’t understand why I wasn’t using those skills on me – to find the truth of my dilemma – the one that was holding me back!  I wanted to be flippant, but I knew she was right.  There is no way I would tell a client ‘You can’t do anything about your self-destructive nature, that’s causing you to miss out on so many good things in life’.  So why was I still saying it to me? And worst of all, why wasn’t I still challenging it?

I made myself sit down and started to explore my situation using EFT, which by the way is my all-time favourite self-help energy therapy. My starting point was not my lack of ability to focus on where, what and how to proceed into the future, which it had been before.  But was now directed at my need to hide away.  My opening statement was simple…’Even though I have the need to hide myself away, I totally love and accept myself’.

As I tapped on the EFT tapping points, saying the reminder phrase…’Hiding myself away’, other images and thoughts began to rise, which is why this therapy works so well to make our issues clearer.  Giving deeper insight into why the problem was there.  And as usual when I work with EFT, it wasn’t too long before I got the ‘aha moment’ that is so reassuring.  As it confirms the why’s and wherefores that allow full understanding of the problem!

My thoughts took me back to childhood, which is normal when searching for problem resolution.  I know that during childhood, the only way to protect myself from the bully who beat me up whenever he saw me, was to avoid him at all costs. But as he lived in the flat below, that was virtually impossible.  Meaning I got regular beatings at least a couple of times a week. I’ve covered this many times therapeutically, and realise how I’ve used my overweight to protect myself.  I’ve done lots of healing on the issues of overweight and bullying, but they still persist in my life. So I know from experience that if something repeats this often, I’m not healing it in the way that it needs!

But I didn’t want to stay in childhood, as I needed to go deeper into my personality to resolve this long-standing issue.  So I continued tapping, changing my statements as necessary, until suddenly and fleetingly I saw the scene which demonstrated the conflict within my personality!  I saw the fat me and the thin me, in childish form, facing each other, fighting, pushing each other away,  just like two sumo wrestlers.

The fat me was trying to keep me protected, as she knew the outside world was a dangerous place.  ‘If others see you, see how clever, special, pretty, successful you are, they will hurt you in some way’.  The thin me knew I’d worked so hard to learn what I know.  She wanted me to be successful and reap the benefits of using my skills in the way I’d chosen. But the fat me was standing in her way.  She was trying to push her away, but the harder she pushed, the harder the fat me responded!  Where as each gained ground, I felt their compelling influences which led me to overeat, to stay fat and safe.  Or temporarily motivated to take action to promote my work.

Both aspects of my personality were trying to help me, but in different ways.  One wanted to keep me where I was, whilst the other wanted me to move forward.  A classic case of cognitive dissonance, which is defined within psychology as….’An emotional state set up when two simultaneously held attitudes are inconsistent, or where there is conflict between belief and overt behaviour’.  Mentally I wanted to be seen to be successful and out there working.  Emotionally I wanted to keep hidden in case I got hurt, ridiculed etc.

So there it was.  The reason why I was stuck! So now I have to work with both aspects.  The fat me, to reassure her that now I’m adult I can look after myself!  The thin me, to encourage her to believe she’s good enough to achieve her success goals. I’ve been working to create a resolution between me, and the opposing parts of my personality that have caused me so many problems for most of my life! So this issue will take a bit longer to be resolved.  That’s okay.  As now I know and understand what’s really been happening within my mind and emotions, I can become actively involved in creating the resolution.  Great eh!

I knew about internal conflict.  Of course I did.  I’ve spent years learning how to recognise and deal with it!  But when we visualise conflict through our mind, and see the truth of what is really going on at core personality level, it is a valuable breakthrough that can change our life forever!

If you are facing internal conflict, instead of focussing on the problem, identify which two parts of your personality are at odds with each other, and understand why.  You will stand a much better chance of finding resolution.

Then you, as the controller, can step in and take control, and choose your next course of action that feels right for you and the situation.


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It’s uncanny sometimes, when someone says exactly what you were thinking. Thus confirming, clarifying and encouraging further growth and exploration. This post did that for me, and is well worth a read, but does contain loads of information. So try and stay with it until the end. It is all worth knowing about!

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Blogging about our pain and troubles is becoming increasingly popular.  We know how keeping a journal is a great way to safely express inner thoughts.  Thus blogging can be used therapeutically to release pent-up feelings!  However, I’ve found it interesting to observe that the more disturbing and painful our account, the more followers are likely to comment!

Meaning we feel encouraged to disclose more of our vulnerable, delicate, hidden self, to an invisible world filled with an array of other delicate, vulnerable personalities. Some of whom may have attributes we’d rather not make contact with!  And whilst the majority of bloggers may not be affected negatively by what people say about them, there are others who are, who feel minimised and upset because they’ve been criticised!

It appears that anonymity allows expression, where comments on our blog can make us feel supported and justified, giving us encouragement to blog more.  Or at times vilified, because someone has expressed a comment that is oppositional, offensive or cruel!   It’s funny how, even though we struggle to hide our secrets from the world, we are willing to disclose them to those we’ve never met, know nothing about, and who mean nothing personally to us!  Where as we read the comments from those who’ve responded to our blog, we give credence to them and allow ourselves to react to their remarks!

The blogging world is a jungle isn’t it really, where people are pushing to get a bigger profile, make an impact, make a difference to the world!  Our blog gives us an opportunity to be daring and bold, to share our ideas and to speak our truth.  But I guess we should always remember that not everyone shares our viewpoint!  As not everyone has good intentions and wants to help the world do they?  And there are a lot of people out there, who see pain in others as a weakness they can overpower, by cruel words or actions.  Where others admitting their weakness, will make them feel strong and powerful as they sit at their power machine, namely their computer, and write their abusive remarks.

Fortunately I’ve not had abusive comments on my posts, yet!  But I know others who have been upset by remarks made by others.  They cannot understand what they have done to make others say such nasty things to them!  So whilst blogging about our issues, we should remember that blogging is just a forum for us to express ourselves! And whilst it can be helpful, it is not a court of judgement that deems us right, wrong, good or bad.  So when we post something about ourselves, where we expose our hidden self, we must realise that people will naturally formulate an opinion of us and what we’ve said.

Sometimes people will be prompted to respond to our blog in their way, which is not in favour of ours! And if we are upset or offended by someone’s comment, instead of letting it hurt our already fragile personality and confidence, we should see it as an opportunity, to use our power of choice to determine whether we want to take the comment on board, or dismiss it as nonsense!

We know ourselves better than anyone else can.  We know what hurts, what we need, what we like and dislike.  The problem is, we’re not always aware of what we know.  So when we face disputes of opinion, as we evaluate the truth of the matter, we can use it as an opportunity to discover more about who we are! Thus we turn a negative event into a positive outcome!

Having an opportunity to share our pain is important to everyone, as it helps us cope with our unpredictable life! But when you feel alone and scared about what’s happening in your life, and you share your troubles with the blogging world because there’s no-one else you can turn to for advice and support, please remember that whilst blogging is helpful to some extent, rather than isolating yourself long-term, there are other beneficial ways to express ourselves. But this means we have to talk to real people, out there in the real world, that is so scary such a lot of the time!

There is a beautiful, albeit chaotic world outside the computer, that needs your attention and help! There are people out there who care about what happens to you!  But if you hide yourself and your troubles away behind the screen, no one will recognise the real you.  No one will see how strong and creative you are!  No one will be able to hold you and comfort you, and remind you that you are a beautiful person – because they know you!  They’ve seen the real you!  They’ve shared some of your pain!  And they live in the real world – with you!

I haven’t got a clue as to why I’ve written on this topic today.  I don’t even know what the real point is about this post to be honest, other than ‘don’t be alone with your pain’. I was going to write about sharing pain, but not in this way!  However, I’m  going to go with the flow and publish this post, hoping somehow my words will help someone out there!

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Thinking about my writing, I became aware that my words are coming from my mind.  Okay, so it’s not my ego mind, and is my higher mind most of the time (I hope). But today I wanted to write something directly from my heart space.  I don’t know what I’m going to write until it emerges, but let’s just go with it anyway…

I want to say that regardless of how tough things are at the moment, hang in there!

We’re going through a transitional crisis that’s likely to become more intense.  But this process is leading us to a better place in life.  One with less struggle and animosity.  Where instead of spending our time fighting ourselves and each other, we have the energy to focus on our creativity, and use it to re-create our lives for the future!

We’re not alone in this process, as we’re receiving help from the highest source of intelligence in the universe.  That work for the good of all, including mankind!

But if you give up hoping, trusting and living, just because it’s hard going at the moment, you won’t feel the consequential benefits of this transitional stage, once it completes, as it must!

I want to hold you energetically and console your pain.  I want to encourage you to believe there is more to your life than you ever believed possible.  I want to convince you to stay strong and steady, as you ride the stormy life experiences that are abounding now, caused because of energetic forces that manifest evolutionary change.

Most of all I want to help you understand that this life is not all there is.  There is so much more at our disposal, that we can use, to help ourselves find a way to cope with our pain and fear, our worry and anxiety!

We have it all inside of our energy field, inside our own mind and heart.  But we can’t access it because we’re afraid of one thing or another.  This process is about that!  It’s about helping us discard our egotistical cloak of protection that stops us feeling how we want to feel, and becoming all we could be.

As I focus on my heart centre, I can feel the energy pleading…’Please believe you can cope with the future’.  And whilst I know this is my heart communicating with me, because I’m feeling vulnerable about my life challenges.  I also know my soul wants to help others like me, who are feeling a bit wobbly at the moment, and this is why I felt compelled to write this post.

When we can’t see a positive way through our dark challenges, we believe there is no way forward, that life will always feel this bad. But we can’t see or know everything can we?  We don’t even see our own motivations most of the time, so how are we expected to be able to comprehend the mechanism of a simple, yet complicated-to-us energy force, that supports, sustains and develops  all life?  A force we try to fit in with our human understanding.  A force we try to limit, because of our inability to allow ourselves to expand and go with the flow!

So there we are!  A message from the heart that is trying to encourage the belief that all is, and will be well.  And we can cope with what life throws at us – as long as we remember that life is about learning through our mistakes!

I feel better now that I’ve released some of the repressed passion inside, that intensifies  during periods of high anxiety.  I needed to hear this reassurance from my soul!  I can’t control everything  and everyone in my life, any more than you can! But I listened to my heart today and felt consoled.  What about you though!  What is your heart saying to you today?

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