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Archive for the ‘Health’ Category

 

It’s Friday afternoon and I’ve just come out of hospital since Tuesday morning, after having had first round of chemo. There wasn’t a bed available for Monday so I had to wait another day. Unlike the last time I was booked in a few weeks ago, when delays occurred I freaked out, and decided to postpone chemo treatment for the time being as I saw it as a bad omen! This time I stayed calm and recognised that this would probably be a constant factor in receiving treatment, so I shouldn’t worry about it when delays occur.

Unsurprisingly I was pretty anxious when I got to the unit at Southend Hospital – fight or flight response in action, as I was walking into totally unknown territory once more. But the staff seemed to have their set protocols firmly in place, where everyone knew what they should be doing – except me of course – meaning I was seen by the ward doctor after a couple of hours, after which they made the chemo up for later in the afternoon.

There were many bags of fluids to be pumped into my body which totalled nearly sixty hours, and thank goodness I never had any physical complications during this first infusion. However, mentally and emotionally things started to happen, where thoughts I’d kept in my mind, and emotions I didn’t want to feel, now wanted to make themselves known.

I’d met a few people in the unit, and as they were further along in their condition and treatment than me, most of the women had lost their hair and looked pale, some quite poorly. But they each spoke about their journey and gave me their thoughts on chemo.  Unlike myself, who questioned the efficacy of chemo, they had just accepted the treatment with hope…and it seemed they were gaining benefits from it…!

After having read so many times that…’chemo kills more people than cancer’, I sort of understand now what that means. As once that poison has entered the body no-one really knows what is going to happen, and it can be kill or cure, as we already know! Before and during treatment I was told about the precautions I must take regarding infection control, where if the temperature goes below 36 or above 37.4 for more than two hours I must immediately seek help from A & E, with the task of getting to the hospital and being on intravenous antibiotics within the hour…! Really…!

They said time is of the essence because of the lack of immunity meant the high risk of sepsis, so I must monitor myself carefully in case I feel unwell, be vigilant, and stay away from people or places which might be infectious. That’s going to be quite hard at this time of year when the colds and flu start to pop up for their annual feasting. The doctors and nurses said that infections were one of the major complications of chemotherapy treatment, so not to worry about it…mmm, but just be alert.

I just hope I don’t get too obsessive about all of this and end up being a hermit…I need the fresh air, like we all do.  It helps me feel better.

After I’d had the first couple of infusions I went to the loo, and caught sight of myself in the mirror. I stopped and looked at my face, my hair, and wondered what I’d be looking and feeling like in a few weeks time. The other patients I’d spoken to had started from my position and I guess that is when the impact hit, where now there was no turning back and I had to face the consequences of whatever.  It was painful to my heart, as it brought me once again back into the cancer reality of illness and terminality, and the realisation that whilst I’d been able to sort of plod along feeling not too bad over the last few months, now I would be losing my hair, feeling sick, weak, unwell…ugh!

Now back at home I feel okay, just a bit tired and apprehensive as to what will happen next and I’ve got a muggy head which is irritating. After having something to eat and a short nap, I mentally scanned myself a little while ago to find my poor body screaming inside…it is being poisoned, it is being killed off...it doesn’t recognise that it is receiving treatment that could help it survive…it thinks it is being murdered! I thought about prisoners on death row who received lethal injections..!

Although I was really glad to be coming home, my thoughts jumped to the new routine my life would take for however long, and I felt a bit down. My second chemo session is in just ten days time, along with blood tests and oncology appointments next week. Would hospital now become my second home?

I’m not complaining really, I know I’m one of the lucky ones who at least has the chance of prolonged life. Unlike the terminally ill man I spoke to at bedtime late last night in the TV room, who sadly told me that ‘every day he’s awake is another day he is alive’. He didn’t want to go to bed, he didn’t want to die!

So…I’ve got more mental and emotional processing to do as the poison in my body starts to do it’s job, and I have to try and stay positive, active and normal (if there is still such a state), for as long as possible. I’m told the sickness and tiredness could start a couple of days from now, then of course, on the other hand, I may get no side effects at all. Fingers crossed it is the latter!

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Mirroring resistance is futile when there are issues to be resolved.  So dealing with problems is paramount, if you want to start feeling relaxed once more.

Time is of the essence with some priority matters, which causes added stress for that time.  However, once that issue has been resolved, the energy residues will release, if permitted…allowing the energy body to correct any disruptive fluctuation that may cause it harm.

There are still residues of deep desire that linger in your energy system, that are causing problems…!

Say as affirmation…

‘I now allow all residues of past pain, disappointments, hurts, abandonments, and any other personal protection systems that are in place, but damaged, to be released immediately and totally…leaving my whole being free from disruptions that could cause me future problems!

I forgive the past and all causes of my pain. 

I now allow myself to heal on every level, any chronic/acute condition that impairs my ability to function healthily!

I allow my consciousness to reunite with the source of my being…I once again become one with God…the Creator of all that is love and light!

For this I give thanks, and so it is done…!’

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I’ve just come across this worrying article, which seems to sum up the damage convenience food is causing to our health. And although there’s always a lot of hype over this subject, this one resonates with me, so I thought I’d share it with you……

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2013/03/21/addictive-junk-food.aspx? e_cid=20130321_DNL_art_1&utm_source=dnl&utm_medium=email&utm_content=art1&utm_campaign=20130321

Notice what is says about… will-power, causes over-eating, addictions to sugar, deliberate additions to food that makes us more hungry!!!

Take your control, power and appetite back NOW!

Forget the processed stuff as much as you can, and make sure that food bought as ‘healthy’ food is actually what it’s meant to be!

Perhaps it’s time to go back to basic foods now! At least we can see most of what we’re eating…!

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Although I’d decided to write a series of articles under the title ‘Inside The Mind of a Fat Person’, I’ve found myself really struggling to get started on this third one. So I needed to identify why I felt reluctant to write more on this topic, as I’d already faced my personal demons and taken the challenge to expose my ‘fatness’ to the world, when I wrote the first article on this subject.

However, after examining my reluctance a bit more closely, I was quite surprised to find that I’d been avoiding writing about being fat because…

1) I didn’t want to be perceived as a ‘victim’!

2) I didn’t want to be condemned for not losing the weight!

3) I didn’t want to be criticised for speaking my truth!

4) I didn’t want people to pity me, or feel sorry for me!

In fact, if I’m totally honest with myself, I’d say the basis of my writing difficulty was that I didn’t want to be seen, noticed or even acknowledged!….Gasp of frustration…Deep conditioning created over my many years, that still impacts me now…!

Blast – I thought I’d come past all of this crap!!

I don’t know why this realisation surprised me, as I know myself very well!  I know the self-doubt I face each time I make a choice, or face an important decision.  I recognise how I talk myself out of moving toward the direction that could make me feel happier and more fulfilled, because I feel ashamed about the way I look!  I totally accept that I am the controller of my own destiny…yet it still upsets me that so many of us FP put our lives on hold, until we lose the weight that keeps us rooted to the isolation of our imagination, that convinces us to believe, without doubt, that we are not good enough as we are.

It’s normal to doubt ourselves during childhood.  But when there is ‘An Issue’ present, including overweight, then life takes on an avalanche of unlimited possibilities for personality destruction, because the child perceives they are judged by others according to their ‘issue’, thus doesn’t know who or what to be as it matures into adulthood! In the case of obesity, life becomes filled with questions about what’s right/wrong/good or bad food, what you should/shouldn’t eat, when you should/shouldn’t eat!  What you should or shouldn’t do or wear to make you look thinner, less fat! What you must or mustn’t do to get noticed, avoid being seen,  get attention, and be acceptable or invisible to others!

Eventually, life becomes filled with self-doubt, self-debating and self-berating, where instead of embracing who we are, and allowing ourselves to reach our full potential as we mature, we struggle to find a mode of being that makes us feel acceptable to the limitations of the outside world!

In many cases we question everything, until we reach a point where we imprison ourselves in our own negative emotions, that dictate that shame and guilt rises each time we consume anything!  There is no enjoyment to be gained from mealtimes – only guilty pleasures that make us feel ashamed and regretful, after we’ve digested the delicious mouthfuls of food that just for that moment satisfied us, made us feel better, or pacified our despair!

FP/TP want to be considered normal. But how can we feel normal when we react so badly to eating something as small as one biscuit, or a couple of pieces of chocolate?  Don’t normal people eat these things?  Of course they do!  The difference is normal people usually stop when they’ve had enough. Or, if they do binge, they do not repeat it on a regular basis.  But because FP have so much emotional agenda that rises when they eat forbidden food, their impulse to eat is stimulated by the bad way they feel. Which makes it almost impossible to control their appetite, because they are being driven to over-eat by impulses created from their emotional discomfort.

Our self-perception is strongly influenced by the way we look, so when we try to manage or control weight issues that make us feel inadequate, our mind is geared-up to give us what we want to get or avoid.  The problem with this is that we create a ‘perfect rule-book’ in our mind that is often unworkable, because it’s unrealistic.  For example… we decide to go on a diet, stick at it a couple of days before our resolve starts to falter, and we eat what we shouldn’t. So we come off the diet feeling we’ve failed – we’ve blown it yet again!  This repetitive process builds-up shame and guilt energy within our persona, that guarantees we will continue to fail in the future – because we don’t believe we can succeed in our aims.

We rarely admit to ourselves that most people find it difficult to change their lifestyle.  For if we did we would see our ‘normality’! Instead we just perpetuate our shame by believing we are inferior, inadequate, incapable of success, and fat is a problem we cannot control, change, get rid of, because we’re not strong enough to hold our resolve!

FP/TP live life feeling in or out of control!  This is why life becomes so hard!  But even though we are over/under weight, even though we’ve failed on a million diets, there’s still things we can do to help ourselves, that will change our perception toward food, and help us feel more confident about what we can do!

It’s great to be able to plan ahead.  But it’s not only FP that find it difficult to fully commit themselves for any given period of time, as other addicts will attest to. So there are other ways of approaching our problems!  If we looked at our life style one day at a time for example, if we have a bad day today we make the decision to start again tomorrow and do it better.  So instead of giving up on ourselves because we’ve broken our promise to us, we persevere each day until we get it right, by making little adjustments in our life, that support healthy living.

One of the most important tasks I set myself, many years ago, was to abolish any emotional attachment I had to food!  I’d tried to do the right things and dieted all my life, yet I was still fat and unhappy!  So one day I made the decision that my relationship with food had to change, as whilst I hated being a FP, I hated being so miserable even more!

Once I recognised how I stimulated so much internal pain each time I ate, I decided to eat what I wanted – when I wanted, and make sure I enjoyed everything I digested.  If I didn’t like it I wouldn’t eat it!  If I over-ate I would enjoy the gluttonous feelings and feel rewarded and satisfied!  If I over-ate and felt nauseous, I would laugh at myself for making myself feel so bad!  I learned how to relax when I ate, instead of stressing myself out with my list of rules that I was breaking.

It took a few months of working consciously to divert my bad thoughts to neutral thinking, but it worked for me by setting me free from the ‘eat – guilt – shame – overeat’ process. Eventually, and quite naturally, I became more choosy about what I wanted to eat. I could leave food on the plate, I could resist the ‘forbidden’ foods more easily – all without forcing myself to do so!  I had gained control over my eating, by simply allowing myself to eat what I chose to, when I needed to eat!

I rarely binged and I lost some weight – even though I wasn’t dieting!  And this was how I cured myself of Binge Eating Disorder!!

So whilst I’m still fat now, food rarely stimulates my guilt or shame! I’ve broken the rules and set myself emotionally free from guilt/shame each time I crave something. And most importantly, realise that even though I am a FP, I am entitled to feel pleasure, satisfaction and enjoyment from the act of eating – just as normal-weight people do!

Life is challenging for most of us now, and pleasures are harder to find because of our high stress levels.  But food is meant to feed our body to promote good health, it’s meant to sustain us, and is a way to experience pleasure and satisfaction.  If you are a FP/TP, and your relationship with food is not rewarding, then find a way to change the rules in your mind, to break the rules of rigidity that contradict your own natural needs.

Learn to eat consciously…Eat and enjoy food, glorious food….!

Also become aware of what you eat, how you eat it, and why…!

But just remember that…. sugar acts as a poison to your body, and wheat is an allergen, so because your body has problems processing these they could make your body swell up.  If you avoid these as much as you can, you may eventually feel healthier and not have such a weight problem in the future!

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When I heard that emotional causes of eating disorders are being explored by experts now, in an attempt to understand how to resolve obesity problems, I felt a sense of despair as I envisaged how superficial the information gathered might be!  As whilst there may be common problematic themes within the eating disordered range, I fear the intensity of mental and emotional pain can only be felt in its entirety by the sufferer, and victim of themselves, the Fat/Thin Person. (To avoid repetition now to be referred to as FP/TP).

As often it is this intensity that remains unseen, unfelt, unattended to by experts – because the depth of shame, fear, hurt, frustration and anger can’t be expressed by the FP/TP, simply because it’s too painful for them to acknowledge! And where focus is placed by professionals on losing weight to become normal, rather than helping FP/TP become emotionally and mentally capable enough to reclaim and reconstruct their life!

I’m a FP, and have been most of my life, where as an adult I’ve ranged between 9 stone and 22 stone.  I can tell you that at 9 stone although I felt abnormal (my belief system), I was accepted because I looked ‘normal weight’ so people treated me normally.  Whereas when I reached 15 – 22 stone I looked fat/obese/abnormal, so wasn’t perceived as ‘normal’ by many people! So not only did I have my own self-condemnation to deal with, but also the critical view and spitefulness of other people, and the societal problems created from it, which negatively influenced the way I viewed myself and the world!

Having hovered between this weight parameter for many years, I recognised there is a distinct difference in attitude to how FP/TP are treated! So I get worried when I hear ‘normal-looking’ people who have never entered into the realm of extreme physical distortion, being regularly used as examples of dysfunctional eating disorders. Whilst I acknowledge the suffering they endured because of their personal issues, FP/TP have additional problems to contend with, because of the consequences of their physical appearance, which must also be considered vital to attend to, if they are to recover from their addiction!

Whilst the majority of the population manage their affairs productively, there are many who are unable to think creatively, because they constantly focus their attention on their failed, impenetrable cycle of weight control!

Many people have a poor self/body image, which increases internal stress levels, and which when coupled with feelings of insecurity, abuse, inadequacy, trauma, crisis events, can lead to emotional overload.  Where regardless of age or gender, the person experiencing this overwhelm will naturally seek to remove, disengage from, nullify or console their bad feelings, by finding a way to regain control of how they feel!  This can be through various addictive behaviours, such as using drugs, alcohol, sex, exercise, shopping or gambling, and of course eating, or not eating!

This activity is what we choose to do, based on the way we feel and think!  But it rarely works the way we hope, and as we realise this, our thoughts and emotions get progressively negative, driving us to seek more comfort or consolation. This is how all compulsive addictions, mental, physical and emotional, are created and sustained!

But how can we change the way we perceive ourselves, when we seek the perfection of simply being normal? Or when we feel not good enough on every level, and there is nothing, or no-one, who can convince us our life is worth living whilst we are as fat as we are?

Diets and food restriction used to rule my life, leading to eating disorders that made mincemeat out of my confidence and personality. I followed the dietary guidelines given then, which are totally opposite to those given now!   But now I’m terrified to go on a diet, in case I re-enter my binge-eating disorder days!  Food craving used to rule my existence – now I’m aware that when I get the urge to overeat, something is bothering me and needs to be addressed!  Most of the time I think I’m in control of me, yet I’m still fat, I still comfort eat, I still suffer depressive episodes, I’m still searching for the meaning of life!

Yet I am a trained counsellor and practitioner of eating disorders!  I have all the information, the skills, the techniques – so why am I still suffering the burden of obesity?  This, is the million dollar question. As just like millions of other FP/TP I know the answer is in my own hands.  I know it is my fault, there is no-one to blame except me!  I know no-one can lose weight for me I must do it myself.  I must eat better, take more exercise, change my way of thinking etc., so why don’t I?

BUT I HAVE!  I have changed so much from what I used to be, I am a different personality now, from back then! And although I’ve lost weight and kept it off for many years, even though I didn’t overeat, it quickly came back during the periods when I became overwhelmed emotionally and mentally!

So, if we enter my mind, being the mind of a FP, we will see why it is so hard to feel optimistic about losing the part of us that keeps us safe and protected!  Where instead of crashing when we fall, we bounce back into our self-abusive, comfort zone world of oblivion, isolation and safety!

I hate my body as it is!  I try never to look at it, but of course I do.  When I catch sight of myself in the mirror I abhor what I see.  The hangover (or apron as they call it now), the stretch marks.  The fat belly is the only thing I really see when I look at myself.  That’s because as a child, attention was always drawn to ‘her fat stomach’, where I wanted to die of embarrassment in clothes shops, doing P.E., swimming etc.  So, true to form, I’ve created the self-fulfilling prophecy where I hated my tummy so much, that’s what I I’ve become – my big fat, blobby belly!  Mind you, when I used to get regularly beaten up by a local boy when I was a child, I wished my stomach was even fatter, so I couldn’t feel the pain of his punches so much!

Because I hate my body when it is fat, which overwhelms me because my thoughts constantly bombard me with hateful comments about it, I have dissociated from it by ignoring my body as though it doesn’t exist!  And although I have normal physical sensations throughout my body, my awareness remains in my head and I ignore physical pains, etc! This lack of self-interest means that most of the time I’m guilty of self-neglect, where although I keep myself clean, I rarely visit the doctor, hairdresser.  I rarely wear my nice clothes, I rarely go anywhere special – in fact I’ve become a sort of recluse!  And yet when I’m thinner, I’m the total opposite.  I take care of my looks, my hair, myself.  I love wearing my nice clothes and take a real pride in my appearance – and I love going out to socialise with others!

In fact I love being thinner…..!

I love being able to wear a swimsuit, skimpy clothes, feeling the air on my body – wow it’s so great to look and feel nice!  I love the shape of my slimmer body, and the feel of my skin.  I love how I can move around without effort, and how energetic I feel most of the time.  How my mood is somehow lighter, I’m more friendly and people respond to me in a likeable way. I love feeling good about me!  And I envy people who are normal, who feel this way about themselves all the time!

I hate being fat!! The drudge of carrying all this weight around with me each minute of the day.  The breathlessness, the pains in my knees as I climb the stairs. The frustration I feel with and about myself!  The way I hate my body, myself, my life!  I hate the way I beat myself up constantly about not doing what I know I should be doing!  And as I get older, I hate the prospect of what the future holds for me if I’m unable to lose the excess weight! I hate feeling bad about me- I’ve felt this way for soooo long!

Because I know we feel better about ourselves when we nurture ourselves, I know that if I felt better about my fat body, and looked after myself a bit better, my esteem would increase, leading me to become more optimistic, energetic, spontaneous and carefree!  But feelings of depression linger along with the fat, weighing me down, mind, emotions, body, spirit and soul, making it really hard to motivate myself to fulfil anything other than basic survival needs a lot of the time!

The depression is a really hard challenge to master, as when I feel I’m going downhill I start to panic in case I have another breakdown.  So I have to start remedial work straight away to steady myself.  This usually works now, thank God, where I use various techniques, including EFT, to identify my main issue and release its energy from my system!

However, as all FP/TP will know, along with depression the main problem is fear and anxiety that eats away at the centre of your being, day after day, night after night!  Where however hard you try to think of tomorrow as a new day, a new start, irrationality provokes negative thoughts that ensure your heart and mind are never calm, serene, pacified, hopeful.  But simply waiting for the next surge to erupt that will dictate your next pang of guilt, shame, regret, anger, worry or despair, that needs to be attended to one way or another!  And because your mind is so tired, the body weary, your mind seems unable to identify anything new that can help, so you do what works best for you at that time – eat, sleep, go into panic etc.!

Tiredness becomes more of a problem the heavier you become.  And I’ve realised that the less you do the worse you feel, as when the body remains inactive, the mind becomes over-active! So because overcoming tiredness, depression, negative thoughts, self-loathing, fear of the future, and a deep hopelessness inside, creates a huge burden to carry that makes us want to sit and do nothing, what else can we do at these times but doubt that life will ever improve for us?  Where we believe that we don’t have what it takes to make ourselves normal, so because we’re fat we are doomed!

We have to remember that many FP/TP have lost their optimism because they don’t know how to become normal, so don’t know how to live their life.  It’s true that we need to find a way to help people conquer their fear of themselves and life.  But not by forcing them to reduce their weight, rather by helping them understand that fat or thin, they are worthy of their life.  They are entitled to breath, to live, and to be happy. They need to realise just how competent they are, as if they can survive the way they feel because they are fat and ostracised , they can survive other emotional hurdles!

I am an intelligent, wise, competent, compassionate woman.  And yet for the last few years, since I’ve regained my fat, I’ve disowned my femininity because I’ve been waiting until I got thinner.  Until I could be viewed as normal!  I’ve held myself back from progressing professionally because my thoughts were telling me….’How can you talk about obesity issues when you’re still fat – who would give you credibility?’.  So I hid myself and my opinions, and alas my guidance, away from those who might have benefited from it, because I was too scared and ashamed to show myself to the world….!

But one thing I do know.  I must not allow myself to continue doing this, because we have a nation of children who are growing up with the same problems I had when I was a child. So something has to change, otherwise they will grow up facing the same problems as myself and other FP/TP. So even though I am a fat person, I am writing about obesity issues.  Not to provide a cure, as there isn’t one – except losing weight!  But to emphasise that FP/TP put their life on hold until they get thinner – which is wrong!  This approach doesn’t work to bring correction, as so many FP/TP end up dying too early, with so many unfulfilled dreams!

Of course I advocate healthy guidelines for living. But let’s take the emphasis of being normal weight, where the guidelines are changing all the time, according to whatever expert is flavour of the month!  And when will government and health authorities accept that there is NO NORMAL anymore, and stop trying to fit us into categories that they can control?

I believe that instead of pushing people to be thinner, there needs to be encouragement for them to become more active by providing FREE gym facilities. The government needs to introduce legislation that restricts the amount of sugars that can be added to any food.  The experts need to recognise that FP/TP are not greedy, but needy!  So instead of trying to fit each and every human being into a one- size-fits-all lifestyle, which equates ‘normal’, we should encourage each other to recognise our differences, our skills, and our capabilities, instead of emphasising and condemning us for our one big fault – we are fat!

This has proven a difficult article to construct because I have so much to say on this subject and have had to be succinct.  Also, it has meant that I expose some of deepest thoughts and feelings about myself, as a FP.  Though I wonder if I’ve conveyed just how severe, desolate and catastrophic these thoughts and feelings can be for a FP/TP, when there are so many issues to deal with all at the same time!

I’m feeling more able to cope with my problems now I’ve learned how to cope with myself. But because I’ve suffered me most of my life, I feel passionate about the lack of understanding about what really helps people with eating disorders.  It’s obvious there is no simple, quick fix for eating disorders or any other addictive behaviours.  But we can try to convince FP/TP to believe that life holds miracles for them, which they are holding back from, because they are hiding themselves away behind their weight problem! We can help them find their strength and courage to allow themselves to be!  This is what I’m doing now – allowing me to be me – fat and warts and all!

If we can teach people to live an active life that contains meaning – regardless of their size, they may be able to inject real value into their life, that reduces the need to emotionally protect themselves by using food to self-abuse!

More information about eating disorders can be found in Chapter 14 of my book …

Mentality – How Changing Your Mind Can Change Your Life and the World!

by Chrissie Batten

ISBN 9780956253200 Priced £10.99

Available from Waterstone’s/Amazon/or my website http://www.chrissiebatten.com

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There’s so many people suffering with anxiety and depression at the moment, who believe they are powerless to change what’s happening to them.  Their mind and emotions fill their whole being with dread and fearful thoughts, panic, and emotional rushes of irrational terror, that appears to have a valid cause, creating even more fear thoughts and feelings.

The most obvious option, when we’re feeling overwhelmed by ourselves, is to visit our doctor.  But whilst prescribed drugs may appear to be the easy answer to ‘curing our malady’, the consequences of drug addiction and side effects paint a more disturbing picture, that can dramatically increase our suffering! And whilst we would do ANYTHING to find a way to feel better, we must remember that even though we’re not thinking straight, we can still think.  We can still make decisions, albeit with help!  We still have choices!  We still have our personal power!  We can still help ourselves! And whilst all of these things may be temporarily disabled by our dark mind, our light mind is still there, waiting to return us back to full awareness!

I have suffered with depression all of my life! YES, even as a young child!  I’ve had breakdowns, agoraphobia, eating disorders, obsessive compulsive disorders.  Oh dear, that makes me sound so weak, sad, needy and wrong (residues of old programming).  And as I write this and say what I have, I feel the shame still sitting in my stomach.  The shame that I couldn’t cope!  The shame that I thought I was mentally insane!  The shame that I was not strong enough to cope with me!

I have battled with my mind and emotions for as long as I can remember, and I know what it’s like when you feel as though you have lost control of your mind, your life, your future!  It is ABSOLUTELY… FUCKING… TERRIFYING!!!

But, even though you feel terrified, scared, despairing, alone, futile, worthless and powerless – YOU ARE NOT going to remain this way!  All of these feelings are created because your mind is low (simple term for serotonin imbalance/ low vibration mind creations/lack of confidence).  So whilst they may be true of the moment, because that’s how it feels, there is usually SOMETHING we can do to help ourselves in some way!

There are different types and levels of depression, with different causes, which I won’t go into here.  As my point of writing is to let you know what made the biggest differences to me, during my worst times!

The whole point of depression is to create change to our lives!  It helps to understand this! But once we enter into it, we have to work our way out by doing the things we’ve been putting off prior to feeling unwell – like doing things that are good for us, make us feel happy, reduce our stress, support our physical, emotional and mental well-being!

Be aware that everything that is happening is of an energetic nature. When we’re depressed we’re caught up in negative energy vibrations, which won’t release until we deliberately introduce positive energetic elements into our life.  Positive and Negative energetic forces are as strong as each other.  What matters is where we place our energetic attention.  If we constantly focus on how bad we feel, we will attract more negativity into our lives, which means more negative thinking and feeling.  And even though it feels the hardest thing in the world to do when we are feeling so bad, refraining from keep talking about how bad we feel, and using positive thoughts as affirmations, are the easiest ways to introduce a doorway to the light into our darkened world!

You don’t have to believe affirmations when you say them initially. Just use the words to open the door to the light! Every morning and any time I felt overwhelmed I’d say ‘All is well in my world.  I am feeling healthier and better each day!’. Of course I didn’t believe this statement, as I felt so bad all the time. And to be honest, even though I know what I know about spirit, energy, life, me, I didn’t believe anything could help me to feel better! But after a while I noticed how this thought seemed to stop the fear thoughts that were trying to surface!  Eventually as I became more convinced that small improvements to my mood were appearing, and thus used the statements with intent to create a better and healthier me, I created a new neural pathway that I could use to escape the compulsive rise in terror, panic and anxiety!

Don’t believe your thoughts when feeling depressed. These type of thoughts tell us lies, unless they are positively driven to healing and aiding your recovery! Our ego-driven fear wants us to stay weak so it can stay strong! Accept that you’re not well, your thoughts are not accurate at this time, and resist the urge to get carried along on the platform of panic, that constantly tries to knock you off your feet!

When we get surges of anxiety and panic it’s better to let them rise and pass by saying ‘I allow these thoughts to rise and pass’ instead of catching them, analysing them and believing their fearful messages!  Feel the energy run downwards through your feet, or upwards through the top of your head as you make the statement! Learning to work with our own energy is very empowering on all levels of our being!

Regardless of how unmotivated you feel, aim to achieve at least one thing each day.  Setting yourself a target and reaching it encourages positive chemical reaction linked to pleasure.  And although you may not feel it at first, setting seeds this way will provide a platform for further positive focus and action!  The target need only be small.  If you’ve been laying on the couch every day for a couple of months/weeks, then taking a walk during the day is a breakthrough!  If you’ve been putting off paperwork, chores etc., choose one from the list and make sure you do it.  Keep it easy and simple to start with.  I still use this approach to keep me motivated!

We need sleep to allow our turbulent mind to rest.  But too much sleep has an adverse affect that can make us feel worse.  When we’re depressed, even though we feel exhausted, we have to make ourselves more physically and mentally active, to stimulate our Serotonin levels.  Walking, dancing, meditating, positive conversations, reading a good book – anything that moves our energy towards positivity! This is a real big challenge!

Drugs and alcohol exacerbate depression, and although they might help to act as a sticking plaster, they do not help it or us long-term, in any way!!  There are many complementary therapies that are great for rebalancing our energy, and that do not involve ingesting harmful chemicals. And although you have to pay for this type of therapy, you have the power to choose who helps, and what help suits you best!

When we are caught in depression, it can feel like our world has collapsed.  Everything appears so bleak and futile, and we wonder if our life is worth living!  And the worst thing is knowing that we are the controllers of our progress or fall!  We are the ones who determine how long we stay depressed!  No one can fix us! But all this is controlled by the thoughts we think, the actions that we take! And though the days and nights may be long and painful, there will be good thoughts and moments popping in now and again.  And as you start looking for and counting these good moments, they will turn into hours, then days.  Then eventually, there will be more good days than bad!

I now realise depressive feelings are something I’ll have to manage long-term.  I have to be aware of the signs that motivate me to take evasive action, like getting more sleep, sorting out the strife in my mind, doing something for me – just for me! Life is changing for us at the moment, causing many problems.  And whilst there may be a specific problem that has caused your reactive depression, that you feel unable to change, I want to remind you that you can and must work with your depression, as that is the priority problem now!  Working against it, resisting it or giving in to it, will only prolong your suffering!

I feel quite frustrated whilst writing because there’s so much more I want to say.  But I promised myself I would keep my articles brief, as I know I get carried away sometimes!

So my heart cries out to all of you who are suffering from depression … ’Please don’t give up!  Don’t let fear destroy your life!  Please allow other people in to help you motivate yourself into positive action!’.  As even though you are walking through the tunnel of darkness at the moment, fighting the trials that depression bestows upon us, you are so much stronger and braver than you think you are – with or without pills!

You are the hero at the centre of your storm.  You must make sure you win the battle of light and dark aspects of your personality by choosing to use the mind that wallows in love, not fear action!

You can and will win.  I know.  I’ve done it many times!!

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I just went to bed, but an intense thought motivated me to get up and write this blog!

I’d been feeling unsettled for some time, about the turbulence in so many of our lives.  ‘Is there no-one who is happy, confident, optimistic, and whose life is in perfect order?’ I asked myself!  My worry thought surfaced, and I needed to do something with it.  But what could I do?

Then, it occurred to me that there may be others with a worry thought they might just want to express.  So that’s what this blog is about today.  A place just to leave your worry thought!  There’s no need to explain your thought, or reply to posts, unless you want to of course.  It’s just a place to share your thought and free it from your mind!

So here goes mine….

Hi, my name is Chrissie, and I’m worried about the escalating problems in the world, and wonder how bad they will become in the future, and if life will ever become ‘good’ again?

Is there a thought you would like to share……?

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