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Having not written anything for the last couple of years, because of health problems, I’ve decided to resume writing at this time, because if I don’t do it now then I probably won’t do it at all….where the subject will be my experiences with cancer.  I don’t think I intend it to be all doom and gloom, as that’s not how I want this ride to be.  However I will probably share the pitfalls I experience during my journey…to who knows where!

I was diagnosed in April 2015 with advanced bowel cancer, which had spread to my lymph nodes and attached to my pancreas – which was not cancerous, but still meant that half of it would have to be removed. After a lengthy hospital stay and four operations I was told I was ‘cancer free’.  I never believed that of course, and I didn’t rejoice in my ‘cure’, as I knew, like we all do, that once you have been diagnosed with cancer anywhere, then it takes more than a bottle of pills and a few days in bed to get rid of it. Where the very nature of the disease means there’s always the possibility it may come back at sometime, in a different part of the body.

I’ve always had problems with depression and anxiety, and indeed last year, whilst in hospital, I went into a deep black hole that contaminated my whole being, where the depression affected my thinking more than having cancer did.  And it broke me more than anything else has in the past.  I was a prisoner, in a situation I didn’t want, and could not escape from. After five months I accepted the anti-depressants that the psychiatrist offered me.  In fact I nearly tore them out of his hand, I felt so desperate.  I planned my suicide, I didn’t want to exist like this and suffer more pain. I wondered how I would cope at the end…when my time came to step off the cancer train and fall into the arms of the heavenly bodies we hope are there waiting for us when we pass over. I say hope, because whatever you believe, and I thought I’d had evidence that our spiritual friends do actually exist, we will never truly know until our time comes, to find out the truth will we!

In April I was told that cancer has spread to my peritoneum and liver. ‘That’s it’ I thought, ‘I’m not one of the lucky ones who got away with it!’. It has taken all of these months, with various scans and tests, for me to make up my mind to accept palliative chemo treatment. It’s in my bloodstream so I doubt if there will be any more ops…which I’m pleased about. Having ‘it’ cut out and took away might sound appealing, but ‘it’s not possible in my case’ the doctors tell me.

Yet now, as time passed and I started to feel stronger and better, my mood is confusing to me.  I don’t feel scared or worried.  I thought, knowing how I used to suffer with anxiety before, that during this experience I would be terrified…but I’m not, and it feels sort of surreal. I wondered if I was in denial, but I don’t think I am.  I don’t want to constantly focus on it, or talk about it, as my ethos is that I will deal with events as they occur…for now anyway!

Accepting chemo has been a really hard decision to make, and I did lots of research on-line for various alternatives.  I was looking for one of the wonder cures that are written about on various sites, but nothing seemed plausible. Bicarbonate of soda cures, vitamin cures, diet cures…the list goes on.  Nothing was helpful to me. In fact it confused and worried me even more, where people were saying how ‘chemo kills more people than it cures’, that ‘chemo causes other cancers to rise in the body’ etc. I didn’t know what to believe.  And THAT was terrifying!

The oncologist and Macmillan nurse gave the expected response when I tried to talk to them about the alternative to chemo options…’There is no evidence’…’You shouldn’t believe what you read on the web’. But how can I trust what the doctors tell me…as I know they are also fallible!

I’ve been told, very enthusiastically by the oncologist – who ‘legally had to inform me of the possible risks’, that chemo…’could kill me’…‘will make my hair fall out’…’will make me feel very ill’, so have I got that to look forward to? We’ll have to wait and see, as I bit the bullet and tomorrow, Monday, I start chemo…that’s as long as there is a bed available  on the cancer ward. I am worried about it…it feels like it will kill me…which of course it will, by killing off both the bad and good cells. But it doesn’t mean to say it will physically kill me does it? And the medical staff assure me the immune system will recover eventually.

My first-line treatment is chemo once a fortnight, for three months.  They hope it will extend my life…so do I…! The pic line I had fitted a few weeks ago became infected after three days, so that meant another week in hospital on loads of antibiotics meaning the pic line had to be removed. Which delayed things a little. So I must spend a couple of days in hospital for treatment until the pic line is fitted again, then I think it can be done in day stay.

For now this is a brief update of my situation. I hope to write more during my journey on the cancer train, which i have been on for some time now, where I discover the different platforms I’m forced to embark upon – with different problems I must overcome. I know I’m not alone…cancer has become an epidemic that affects everyone in one way or another.  And although when I was first diagnosed I didn’t intend that cancer would dominate my life, it does…as everything is directed around ‘it’, and the effects it has on my life and that of my family and friends.

I have to ensure I don’t treat ‘it’ as the enemy…even though it is, as I can’t afford to emotionally let myself feel the pain and distress that could disable me further, draining my energy, leaving me even more powerless against my anxious thoughts. Yet even though this is happening to me, which is hard for me to believe, I still want to feel happy, good, positive…and more importantly…alive! There’s time fore everything else later – but not now!

I will keep you posted…!

Sending love,

Chrissie xxx

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I’m prompted to write this post because of the many cases of suicide I’m hearing about lately!  Each time I hear another person has killed themselves my heart cries out… ‘NO’…’THIS IS NOT RIGHT’…!!  I feel it’s dark shudder through my whole being! Every week it happens! Every day someone kills themselves because they can’t cope with their problems, their relationships, their emotions or their life!

This is not right…how can it be…these are our children, the people of the future…?

I feel so frustrated…!  I feel so sad for these people and their lost life…!  I recognise their terrible anguish and feel compelled to do something to help – ‘But what can I do?’ I ask myself…! How can I help change someone’s mind if they feel determined to take such action?  How can I convince someone that whilst they may be suffering now, their future contains wonderful experiences they would be desperately sad that they’d missed?  How can I communicate to them that once their life is gone, they will have missed all the opportunities for healing and growth their soul had signed up for? How can I prove that life is filled with both light and dark times, and whilst they may be in bleakness now, the wonderful times filled with love and light are only a breath away…?

And how can I help them understand that they are so much more, than their physical reality…?

I have personal experience of suicide… my father committed suicide aged 53. I have fought and resisted the compelling demons myself on more occasions than I would like to admit. I’ve friends who’ve lost a relative through suicide, and I’ve worked professionally with clients who have felt suicidal.  So…let me tell you a little about what I know, and maybe, just maybe, there will be someone reading this post that will benefit from my words, and NOT kill themselves…!  For I know, without a shadow of doubt, that suicide is not always the best solution…as it simply causes more suffering one way or another…!

Many people are feeling overwhelmed by their experiences of life! The problem is that because there’s so many hurdles to face, we’re not getting the rough and the smooth times that allow us to consolidate what we’ve learned – to reassure and calm ourselves down. Whereby when life seems wrong or broken, and nothing feels good enough, depression can slowly edge its way into our existence, or pounce on us unannounced, as we struggle to cope with the upsetting turbulence in our life….!

So, it helps to understand that challenges can help us grow…otherwise confusion as to why we have to suffer dominates our whole being and convinces us that we, or others, are the sole cause of our problems, when really they’re not!

Our internal and external worlds are changing more than ever before, and there’s so much pessimism nowadays it’s difficult to rise above the storm of opposition we face almost daily.  However, one major thing I’ve learned, is that life is meant to be challenging – for a good reason…to help us grow stronger!  As it’s during the times we feel most alone, burdened and weak, that we’re compelled to find inner strengths to cope with our situation.  Each time this happens (let’s call it a hurdle), we learn something new…a piece of wisdom that will help us better manage our future.  As regardless of how difficult, painful and hopeless our situation appears, there is always a way through it…somehow!  Even if it does mean finding ways to come to terms with what we’ve lost, or accepting what we can’t change, or stepping up and accepting responsibilities to ourself or others, that take us out of our comfort zone!

We’re meant to grow stronger through our challenges – not give up!  And whilst, when feeling weary, we may decide to opt-out of the rat-race for a time, we must remember that life is, and always will be transformational and transitional.  Where everything comes and goes in its own time!  And whilst there will be times when we can speed things up or slow things down, there will also be times when we can’t stop things happening.  As there are some external things we can’t control, and there’s things like our mind and emotions that we can control, but don’t, because we don’t know how!

Sometimes we have to fight ourselves and our egotistical mind to get what we want, and resist taking action that can harm us or others, or that can impair our future happiness!  This means when we think we can’t take any more, or go on feeling this bad any longer…we step outside of our immediate circumstances and look to the universe to provide what we need.  Religion doesn’t need to come into play here…just the realisation that we are energetic beings living in an energetic world, where we are the creators…!  We create many situations by things we do, say or think…so if we acknowledge the part we’ve played in getting us where we are (without beating ourselves up), then we can see where we’ve gone wrong, and maybe identify what we can do to put things right!

Thus, when feeling desolate, we have to force ourselves to remember that even though we’ve got enormous problems that seem insurmountable now, given proper attention they will reduce over time. Offering us the opportunity to embark on a new pathway, that will lead us to better and different things than we’ve previously known!  This is why our life is often referred to as…A JOURNEY…because that IS what it is…!  And thank goodness for that…because even though we get upset when we lose the things we want to keep, it also means that given time, our bad times will also eventually pass!

There’s a variety of reasons why people commit suicide, ranging from being overwhelmed with life, painful emotions, uncontrollable experiences; those suffering depression; those who overdose with their addictions, and those with terminal illness who choose not to suffer any more than they must.  And whilst we can recognise the contributing factors that prompt suicide thoughts, it’s the inability to control both our external and internal worlds, that create the overwhelming impulse that makes us want to self-harm!

There are those who condemn suicide as being wrong, and others who accept the more fatalist way of thinking that states… ‘It’s their choice’, or ‘It was their soul plan’…!  My own view?….Personal experience has taught me that we kill ourselves when we are acutely depressed or distressed by overwhelming problems, and believe there is nothing better to live for…!

We can kill ourselves on the whim of a single impulse, or we can plan our actions methodically.  We can be frantic in our actions, or we can be calm and collected! We can intentionally mean to kill ourselves, or we can attempt suicide to get the professional help we so desperately need, but have not been able to get.  Regardless, we view suicide as an ‘OPTION’… because we believe there is nothing else we can do…to stop our intolerable pain!

But…suicide is NOT an option to life…!!

Suicide ends all the opportunities you may have to experience love, success and happiness in your future!  And though you can’t feel happiness now, it doesn’t mean it’s not there…!  It is…I promise you…because I know…!  You just have to do things a bit differently than before!  You have to know how to wait for, find, and grab all of these wonderful things when the time is right, as whilst awareness is the true key to success,  ignorance and lack of positive action is our biggest curse!

I understand the factors that create the impulse to kill ourselves.  The depression that leads us to believe life is worthless because we’re ‘shit’…we’ll never be good enough!  I know the feelings inside that drag our morale out of existence, shattering any shreds of self-esteem and hope that we may have left inside our weary heart and mind!  I know the panic and futility that financial, employment and relationship problems can create, where the explosion of powerlessness in your mind and emotions brings you to your knees, and you don’t have enough of what it takes to get yourself back up on your feet again.

I know the dark tunnel of despair, that is relentlessly long, that leads you to believe that it and your pain, will never end…! And I know the overwhelming impulse to kill yourself when you don’t want to live, or the terrifying experience of wanting to kill yourself, even though you really don’t want to die!

Only those who know these things, will know…!

Our will, our heart, our mind can break during our emotional journeying.  And when this happens we need to utilise all of our coping skills just to maintain some sense of balancing act, that supports us as we falter and fall from our current existence.  This is the time when many give up, believing there is nothing left to give, nothing to receive, nothing to live for.  But they are wrong!  As it’s at this point of collapse, that our world will naturally start to rebuild, stronger and better – if we allow it to…almost like a second chance…to do things differently!

When we contemplate suicide our thoughts are dominated by what we’ve lost, what we can’t have and what we can’t do.  A perception that is contaminated by depressive thoughts that lie to us …constantly telling us how we are weak or wrong, we can’t take any more of it…, life will never improve…, we’ll never get what we want… etc.  We believe our thoughts and bad feelings because there’s been nothing to prove to us that they’re wrong!

We feel pain; we feel anger; we feel numb; we cry; we are silently screaming…we are trying to decide what to do for the best!  But when there are no positives in our life, and we are not an enlightened being who has learned the art of self-management,  our options appear limited.  So we remind ourselves there’s nothing we can do to improve our miserable existence!  Nothing we can do that will take away our internal pain.  Our anguish cuts to the core of our soul…so how can we stop how we’re feeling?  How can we stop this terrifying or desolate way of life that has been bestowed upon us by society, by other people, by our own resources, by God or fate, whatever…how can we stop all of this PAIN...?

But think about this…please!  As when we’re so overwhelmed by our anguish, how can we think clearly and know what to do to sort out our life?  How can we know answers that we’ve never learned? How can we reignite our hope and optimism when we can’t see the light at the end of the long, dark tunnel of despair?  As all we can see and feel is stuckness, darkness and an intolerable urge to escape from where we are?  Whereby our real problem is not what’s happening in our life…but is probably the depression that has silently taken over our thinking, feeling, existence and life!

Thus…you are not the problem, your life is not the problem –DEPRESSION has become the priority problem which now has to be attended to first, meaning you may need help from those who can support you until you feel better – which you will, given time!

We won’t feel excitement or enthusiasm when we’re depressed, so at our worst times we have to find a way to remember…something…! Just a snippet of information that will support the idea that maybe there is a way through our turmoil.  That we will be okay soon.  That our life will be worth living, the problem will be resolved – and our pain will stop!!  We have to force ourselves to remember a little bit of wisdom, that will trigger the hope that lies dormant inside us. Hope that just maybe, we can survive this pain…that tomorrow our life will start to improve and everything will work out okay…eventually!

When contemplating suicide, we can use various reasons to stay alive…our loved ones, ambitions etc.  But sometimes none of these things matter at the crucial point of action…there is only thought of what you have to do, what needs to be done to make everything go away…!   But our perception is distorted!  Our mind is unbalanced because it cannot perceive positively!  Our mind is governed by confused negative thinking that has become habitual and destructive!  Our mind feels like it is not our own…yet we can feel more in control than ever before.  And we know, without a shadow of doubt that our actions are the right actions. We know that this…suicide…is the best and only thing to do…!

But it’s not…WE ARE WRONG WHEN WE THINK THAT!..We over react because we don’t know what else to do… to make things right…!

So let’s me try to change your perception a little…as right now you may be believing that attempting to change your life is futile, as nothing you’ve tried before has worked.  There are too many things against you…and you can’t see how you will ever get out of this mess!!  And I realise that you might not feel like reading a long article..I know how hard it can be to concentrate…please persevere though, as something I write may trigger something inside of you to wake up and fight back…!

Let’s start by remembering there’s always a beginning and end to everything.  The only thing this doesn’t apply to is energy, as  energy is infinite but constantly changing form. So to make things easier to navigate, it helps to see episodes of conflict, depression, and despair, as us being inside a tunnel we enter from one end and eventually leave by the other…the length of the tunnel varies from one experience to another, according to our attitude and what actions we take to get the help we need!

Of course we all want life to be smooth, happy and easy…but it’s not is it?  It’s filled with dark tunnels, both short and long, at various distance points that we have to transcend through, to move along our life pathway. This is just how it is and always will be!  But also remember, that in between the tunnels is our good times. And as we learn to negotiate our way through the various challenges thrown at us, the tunnels of darkness become less frequent…!

As mentioned before, life is meant to be challenging because it allows us to change and grow.  So when we face heavy-duty challenges, a set of external and/or internal circumstances can lead us into the darkness of mental and emotional despair (the tunnel), which we can move forward through reasonably quickly if we’re not depressed, by using our skills, and help from others, to get where we need to go – which usually evokes some sort of positive change to our lives!

The trouble is when we get confused, scared or don’t know how to resolve our problems, we can get stuck between the entrance and exit points – so we freeze, because we can’t propel ourselves forward. We try to move forward doing all the things we’ve done before…then we’re surprised and disappointed when nothing seems to help!  But how can we create change…when we keep doing the same things that don’t work?  So we have to look beyond what we know…take a sidestep view and consider taking positive actions we’d not considered options before – just to take us to the next stepping stone!

It helps to see our route forward as stepping-stones. It means instead of seeing the big, unmanageable problem, we try to identify small ways to reduce our problem or make it easier to cope with  – one forward step at a time, until we’ve navigated our way out of the dark tunnel, which can become a safe hiding place for a little while, or the prison we can’t escape from, that keeps us locked into our despair.

This tunnel leads us into the unknown and is where we battle ourselves to find answers we don’t know, solutions we can’t see.  And if we get overwhelmed by our circumstances, this is where depression can set in and distort our ability to think clearly or positively, and where we start to believe we haven’t got what it takes to get through this…!  But you have…you just haven’t used those skills yet.  But they’re there, waiting for you to identify them – maybe you just need someone else to help you along the way, to see what you can’t see, or do what you can’t do!  We all need help at some time…!

You are so much stronger than you realise! But how will you find your true power if you’re not given challenges? So mentally channel strength and courage into your heart….give yourself more time to learn what you need to know… find what you need to find! You are not alone…even if you feel you are.  As regardless of whether you’re religious or not, you are an energetic being, meaning you are a spiritual being with access to helpers from many realms, who can stand by your side as you find your way through the darkness.  Just trust they are there.  Ask the angels/God/deity for help, to give you strength and courage to tolerate your inner emotions and calm your troubled mind.  To send people into your life that can support you at your time of need.  Then look for them, they will be there…!

Remember, depression may be the main problem now, so whilst other issues needs attention, depression needs attending to first! If you believe you’re not depressed, but are considering self-harming, then I have to tell you that you ARE depressed.  Which means there is a chemical disruption in your body that makes your mind think bad thoughts. Thoughts that are not true! Depression makes a mountain out of a molehill, depression turns a summer shower into a full-blown wintery storm…depression distorts logic, reason, beliefs, truth…it is very powerful!  But our conscious mind is stronger, wiser…once we know how to use it in a positive, structured way!

Stuck emotional energy can make us depressed and feel bad.  One of the easiest ways I’ve found to get energy unstuck is by tapping…EFT(emotional freedom technique).  It can have immediate affect…everything you need to know about tapping can be found on-line!  It’s worth knowing about as it can reduce your emotional pain in an instant, and give you a clearer mind!

Your mind can take you into the darkness and lead you out of it!  Depression makes us think dark thoughts, whereas using positive affirmations mean we can use our mental energy to create energetic changes in our life that make us feel better.  So, when you think bad thoughts, immediately cancel them out and affirm…

 ‘All is well in my life’ or…

‘My life and situation is getting better and better each day’ or…

 ‘I am healthy, happy and well. And protected at all times’.

I know you don’t believe them now…But the more you balance the negative thoughts with positive statements, the more stable your thoughts, emotions and life will become. So say these or other positive statements often – they will create new neural pathways in your mind that can attract good things toward you, and counteract the dark thoughts.

Our thoughts can literally change our life…one way or another. You choose how…!

I also know the despair that each day brings, where instead of waking up and embracing opportunities that a fresh day brings, our mind takes us harshly back to OUR reality.  Where there’s nothing to get up for, nothing to do with our precious time and skills.  Nothing we can do to change our miserable existence.  However, I’ve learned that what appears the hardest route, is often the easiest!  So as depression and anxiety can make us feel exhausted, you may think that staying in bed or sleeping on the settee all day may be the easiest way to cope with your nothingness.  But let me tell you it just adds to your misery…as whilst you do nothing, nothing will change! So do something positive each day, however small…it will act like a stepping stone that will get you unstuck!

Taking small positive actions and physical exercise is REALLY important when depressed – it gets stuck energy moving.  You don’t have to do loads, as just walking or running around the block a couple of times a day will stimulate your mind and help you feel more grounded.  So whilst going out or being with others is the last thing you feel like doing, just remember if you do the positive things to help depression, like setting yourself small goals, walking in the fresh air for a while each day, or meeting some friends, you may start to feel better and more ‘normal’.

What you ingest plays a big part in how you feel…!  If you are taking drugs, alcohol, living on junk food or starving yourself, your physical health will be affected, which will in turn cause changes to your moods, making it feel as though they are in control of you, rather than the other way round.

I know you might not be bothered about these things, but they affect how you feel.  And if we feel bad it helps to know why…then we can take corrective action!

When we are consumed by anguish, our vision is blocked and distorted. So when facing your darkest moment, remember time changes everything!  Tomorrow could be the day your luck and life improves.  Make the decision to wait a bit longer…just in case!  As the tomorrow, that’s the start of new things to come for you, will soon become today…where today is the day you start encouraging yourself to get life back in good order…today is when you find the answers you’ve been looking for, or the help you so need!  Today is the day when life seems worth living again!

But more than that…I want you to remember this …if you kill yourself, you will never get to find what you’ve been looking for! So all of your pain and suffering would have been for nothing…your life futile…because you did not see it through the tunnel, out into the light, where you reach the part of your experience where you get to reap the rewards for your efforts!

There are so many things I wanted to write in this article, but it would make it too long…too much to take in when you feel as you do! So even though I’ve spent over a week trying to get this article ‘right’, I have to accept I can’t say it all here and I might not say it in the best way. But I hope I’ve conveyed something that will help you believe that whilst there’s so much in life we don’t know about, we have to learn through experience.  And though we may be ready to experience new things, and have to wait until the time is ready for ‘it’ to appear, we still have to take small actions to get us where we need to be. Small steps that lead us out of the tunnel of darkness and despair, and nearer to our goals!

As I’ve matured I’ve learned that the biggest problem I have in my life is me…my attitude, my expectations, my lack of self-confidence…my fear!  We are so frightened of who we think we are!  So instead of berating myself about not being good enough, like I used to, I’m glad I can see personality aspects that make life more difficult for me.  As then I can redesign them to become more profitable instead of destructive. This is good to know, as instead of trying to change other people, when we accept the power we have over ourselves we can change who we are, and create a personality that works for us, not against us!

We have to learn how to be brave…but it’s not always easy!

Life is meant to be an arena where we fight our destructive egotistic tendencies and replace them with love, compassion, trust and hope.  And as we win each battle of wills, we become a little bit stronger, a little wiser, and a bit more confident as life becomes a little easier.  I know this is true…as even though it was desperately hard at my darkest moments, I somehow found the strength inside me and waited for the future…I waited for the good things to come…!  What has changed for the better…?  Me…and my life!

I am so glad I stayed…I really hope you choose to stay too…!

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It’s easy to believe that our life, and all that it consists, is all that there is for us!

Our individual experiences, challenges, hurts and pleasures make up an existence that we accept as being normal, and become engrossed with…as we face one hurdle after another.  Stopping, starting, faltering, rising and falling, as we attend to, or try to ignore our thoughts and emotional prompts, that attempt to force us into unknown territories we have no concept of. Yet have to visit, in our search for happiness, success and peace of mind!

It’s no wonder we want to find a way to stop our confused suffering!  Many seekers are asking…’When will this all end…?’.

But who would’ve believed that we would find ourselves in the position we are today…?  As whilst many have been avidly searching for ways to find spiritual enlightenment, freedom from fear, increased connection to God energy, believing that their life would become dramatically improved once they have mastered these many skills, it’s emerged that so far, the things we’ve done in the past to improve ourselves and understanding of life, is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg…!

As whilst we’ve been focused on letting go of our individual past conditioning, that supports our fears and bad habits, I don’t think we realised just how B..I..G our search was going to be!

Whilst so many people have bravely accepted the challenge to change who they are, and have been dedicated in their quest for self-improvement and soul expansion, there are still many areas of life that have been neglected, because we never realised they existed!  And whilst we believed that our ultimate aim was to conquer ourselves, it’s slowly emerging that our true purpose is so much more than that…!

‘WHAT…’ you might say…’YOU MEAN I’VE DONE ALL THAT WORK – AND SUFFERING – FOR NOTHING?’…!

AND – does this mean I’ve got to KEEP suffering?…!!

Well the simple answer is ‘NO’ to both questions!  However, whilst we believed our remedial actions were leading us to a specific resolution, namely we would feel happier and more content once we reached a certain point of self-achievement, the true purpose for our existence is only just becoming apparent.  As our purpose for being alive at this time is to not only change ourselves, but to also….CHANGE THE WORLD!!

And as we well know, that takes time…!

OMG – not more of that crap!!  Isn’t that what we’ve been doing anyway?’……..Yes…I can hear you!!

We knew didn’t we, that changing ourselves would make a difference to the whole!  We recognised that confronting our own limitations would lead others to do the same, creating a ripple effect that would increase as we grew in self-knowledge, self-power and most importantly, self-control!  And just to reassure you, nothing associated to these changes has been wasted…everything has been purposeful!

So what I’m saying is that whilst we may have planned our evolutionary journey, say from A to Z (because that is the alphabet we know); and we measure our progress by feeling somewhere in-between A and Z…. what if ‘Z’ was not the true end point…?  What if, instead of being a twenty-six lettered alphabet, there were more letters for us to learn…say another thirty, sixty, or even a million or more letters we knew nothing about, but nevertheless still existed as part of the alphabet? Where would we be then…?

I believe that is the position we are in now – where we’ve progressively worked our way through various restrictive, damaging elements in our life – that we knew about.  Not that we’ve overcome them all, I have to add – simply that we’ve become aware of them, and so can find a way of positively managing them so they fail to hinder our existence as much!

Consequently, because of our evolutionary progression and position, we are facing the gradual emergence of unknown energetic aspects of life, that we effect and are affected by. But whereas hurtling into the unknown would have thrown us into chaos a while back, now, because we’ve been working on ourselves to control our reactive nature, we will have the skills to stand steady as the new future emerges and shows us what we need to do next!

Facing the unknown can make us scared…but when we realise that we don’t have to plan, manipulate or protect our future, we’re more likely to be able to just…GO-WITH-THE-FLOW!

And maybe that’s what we’ve been preparing for…to be able to…LET-GO… of the need to control and cajole people, things, situations, in order to placate our own needs.  And to allow ourselves to remain in trust; confident in our knowledge that we are protected, as we are being guided. Knowing that if we do fall, we can quickly and easily rise again, because we haven’t been crushed into shattered pieces!

There is a rationale to life that although has always been there, we’ve not seen, simply because we could not comprehend it.  We’ve been fighting the War Of Ego, where our minds were locked into regions that were within the parameters of human existence, and our limited understanding of what life meant.

But whilst we thought our search for resolution meant simply freeing ourselves from ego limitations, we’ve limited our potential for growth, because we’re still working toward control of something!  And, just like the possibility of the extended alphabet, we only knew what we thought we knew! But there is more to come yet…and even though we don’t know what it involves yet, I believe there is an end purpose that is more beneficial to us than we could possibly imagine!

The world is a wonderful place to be at this time, because we have the opportunity to experience change never seen or experienced before.  We have a chance to see things put right that were wrong.  To see the sick healed!  To witness the birth of a new nation of children that will evolve into mighty warriors that will protect nature’s gifts to our world!

We are here to see all this.  We are the creators of all of this.  We have the right to become the new people.  People who can love each other without prejudice.  People who care about how others hurt!  People who place peace of mind and heart above the need for materialistic toys.

But the real benefit, the real gift of being alive at this time is that we get to see it all emerge – the future we never knew about.  The elements of life we’ve yearned to experience, that were always there in the background, waiting for the right time to show themselves to us.  Waiting until the time came, when we could control our reactions enough, to not destroy what we did not understand…!

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Life brings challenges in all forms, that we have to somehow find a way to cope with. But it’s not always easy.  And when we lose our positive/negative balance in life, it’s not uncommon for feelings of hope and optimism to become overwhelmed by feelings of frustration and despair, that increase our fears about the future.

Our mind is filled with ways to protect ourself because we’ve lived a reality that’s governed by oppression, repression and suppression.  Yet we yearn to be free!  We yearn for the freedom to have what we want, do what makes us happy, and to feel a peace inside that lets us know that all is well in our world, and that we’re okay, even though turbulence is all around us!

Historically our existence has been structured around the search to achieve something that’s missing from our life, leading us to embark on a quest to satisfy the void we feel internally. However, whilst in the past we’ve nominated something or someone to fix our disquiet, we’re now starting to realise that our empty internal space can’t always be consoled by factors that make us feel financially secure or physically acceptable!

So although we still seek ways to survive our negative feelings, we’re now looking for something different, something that money can’t buy.  Now we’re looking for ways to feel complete!!

It’s still unclear whether this completeness comes from simply being in control of ourselves! Regardless, we must allow ourselves to challenge how we think. As whilst we continue to allow ego to determine our logic, we will be led back into the old way of life that is self-destructive, because it’s governed by our illogical need to avoid fear!

Humans are creative, energetic beings. So when we worry and no resolution is apparent, anxiety drives us to focus on what we don’t have or what we can’t do. Thus, when we face problems, unless we learn to monitor and control our thinking, we can find ourselves locked into feelings of powerlessness that cause us to stagnate in frustration, anxiety and anger….

Creating even more problems, because we’re fighting a battle that can’t be won, simply because we don’t understand the creative, but sometimes destructive power we have access to!

The clarity of our intuitive mind has become dulled by our need to be in control.  We need to feel safe, so we do what we must to ensure this, by being on constant mental alert so we can fix anything that takes us outside of our personal comfort zone!  However, this way of operating means our mind is filled with chaotic, conflicting messages that evoke fearful emotions, that in turn promote fear-filled thinking.

In other words, our mind is a tangled web of self-deceit, that we have created because we are afraid of everything!

Many like myself, believe that when we are fully aligned with the universe and our spiritual Self is firing on all levels, we will become authentically whole. And so can utilise the full force of our creative nature to manifest what we need, simply by thinking about it! The problem is, we have evolved within an erroneous logic, where what we believe as true, may prove to be false and vice versa!

We don’t really understand our energy or power yet. But we know we have a battleground in our mind, where every emotion has dominating thoughts associated to it, that can affect us negatively or positively, depending on how we mentally and emotionally react to the way we feel.  So it’s already clear that when we are in distress, our mind can become overloaded with reactive thoughts we struggle to control or understand!

And to make matters worse, our ego personality is not a singular unit. It has many aspects we’ve created over lifetimes, each with a voice that distorts our judgement by making us feel that we’re better or worse than others, that we’re a loser or a winner when we’re not, and we are more or less than we should be!

However, once we enter a dimensional reality that opposes our ego-logical mind, our rules of existence are challenged by the intangibility of spiritual reality, meaning the logic that has kept us safe collapses, and so does our ego-personality, causing us to flounder in the depths of the unknown! But even though we are in the throes of evolution, which will eventually change our world – for the better we hope, we are unprepared for this process!

The information we receive in our mind comes in the form of thoughts and images, which we interpret according to our understanding of life.  The problem is, we can’t correctly interpret  information we receive intuitively, until we learn to differentiate information from our logical mind, our egotistical personalities, entity attachments, or wisdom from higher spiritual sources.

But as spiritual intangibility conflicts with our logic, once our mind opens to higher consciousness and we become more ‘psychic’, the battle in our mind will increase.  As there will be more voices, thoughts, influences and images flitting through our mind, that we will have to process mentally! Therefore, as we evolve into higher consciousness, our real problem then becomes how to identify what voice in our head is speaking the truth.

Where trying to make sense of the logical and spiritual worlds as they merge, can send our mind reeling, as we struggle to comprehend unfamiliar mental experiences and cope with physical energetic changes!

However, one thing is for certain….

Because we have entered a stage of evolution that affects us physically, mentally and emotionally, it’s impossible for us to carry on as we are spiritually!

And whilst we may resist anything that causes a disruptive influence to our comfort zones, changes in universal energy are purposefully designed to implement energetic healing that will restore, repair and regenerate earth energy. A natural phenomenon, that whilst causing chaos and destruction to our historical and habitual existence, will nevertheless bring balance to an imbalanced situation called LIFE!

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I bought a couple of scratch cards today, ones that I’d not played before.  They cost £3 each, and even though I didn’t have much money left for the week, the foolish, optimist and gambler part of me decided to spend £6 on these, because I might magically win the £300,000 top prize.  Or, even one of the low prizes which gave me my money back. (Honestly, I’d be grateful to get any return, as I’m already worrying about the impending bills that are on their way, which I know I’m going to struggle to pay!).

I don’t often buy scratch cards, as I see them as a con, where they are designed to capture the attention of gamblers and encourage those who are short of cash, to speculate what little they have got, on the chance they may win what they need, to sort out their life. However, I always feel a sense of excitement and anticipation when I scratch these cards, because deep down I love a gamble, so I have to limit the purchase of them!

The aim of the game was to scratch off the symbols, then match them in a line of four on the grid.  Bit like bingo, but using symbols instead of numbers.  It felt quite strange as I scratched off the symbols on the first card, as somehow my eyes wouldn’t focus properly on the symbols.  ‘What’s up with me?’ I thought.  ‘Am I losing the plot?’. I recognised the deep concern in my heart that my Macular Degeneration was getting worse and spreading to the other eye, meaning I would eventually become blind! ‘Stop that!’ I told myself, as I knew worrying wouldn’t help in any way!

But I’d got the hang of it on the second card, and as hubby watched over my shoulder I loudly declared I’d completed a line.  Yippee! ….That meant I’d won something!  Perhaps our money-luck was changing after all! And when I crossed off the prize amount, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the prize was £100! After I double checked it a couple of times, I quickly grabbed my coat and went back to the shop to collect my winnings!

It was a cold, winters day, but I just felt warm, exhilarated and joy-filled as I quickened my pace, eager to pick up my winnings!  ‘Maybe,’ I thought optimistically to myself, ‘our financial luck is really changing, and things will work out okay after all this time’. New year, new beginnings and all that – you know what I mean I’m sure!!

It felt good to be a winner, and as I handed the card to the lady behind the counter, I laughed as I said ‘I couldn’t believe it when I saw I’d won £100, as I’ve never won more than £5 on these cards before!’. I watched as she entered the serial numbers once, then twice.  She said ‘Mm. It’s not showing up as a winner, are you sure you’ve got it right?’.  I pointed to the winning line and prize money, so she tried again.  Still not showing as a winning card…!

As she called the manager over to check it, my mind sort of went chaotic, trying to rationalise what was happening.  Is their machine broke, has she put the wrong number in, is there a fault with the card, why can’t they see the winning line etc? Then, after a couple of minutes looking at it, the manager looked at me, and said the dreaded words…’You’ve scratched off a symbol that wasn’t on the list!’.

‘Aaarghhh!’ I exclaimed, not surprised really as I knew I never won anything, ever! ‘I can’t believe I’ve done that!’ I said, as I reached over to the chocolate bars. (Well, I needed something to make me feel better didn’t I?).

As I walked home, with my feelings of disenchantment, I knew it would be so easy to go into the victim thinking pattern…I’m a loser… Why don’t things work out for me…When will something good happen in my life… etc. etc! But I refrained from doing so, because I didn’t want to feel like a loser!  I wanted to feel like a winner, and just for a short time today, because I thought I’d won some money, I did – and it felt soooo good!

Like everyone else, I want to feel safe and content, lucky and privileged. But life has been so challenging over the last few years that many of us have forgotten what it’s like to feel good feelings, as we’re so filled up with anxiety and worry most of the time, that paralyses our creativity and optimism!  But it’s 2013 now, and we’ve moved into the age of Aquarius, which from what I’ve read is supposed to be better for us.

But we have to give ourselves time to change, and come to terms with the new energies that are influencing us.  And whilst we are adapting our energy, we have to be mindful of the way we are thinking, as regardless of what the situation is, the way we perceive, the way we think, determines whether we feel a winner or a loser!

I felt like I was a winner today because I thought I’d won some money.  I started to feel like a loser when I realised I hadn’t!  I never had the money in my hand, so how can I lose it?  The feelings I felt were created from the thoughts in my mind! When things worry us or disrupt our lives it’s easy to feel as though we have little control. But we have to find a way to remember that we don’t have to go down with the drowning ship (our negative thoughts).  We can swim ashore using our positive thoughts as the driving force that propels us.  We can save ourselves by maintaining control over thoughts that want to keep us small, miserable and powerless.

We are strong creatures, us humans.  And we are programmed to survive our experiences!  But getting carried along with all the fear-hype that’s being media generated at the moment will not serve us well!  So it’s important to stay steady, and remain captain of your own ship – YOU!  And when you feel yourself faltering, stand strong and announce ‘I know what I need, and make sure I get it! (The universe will provide eventually, somehow – honestly!).

I’m a strong believer in the power of the mind, so during the last couple of days I’d been doing some cosmic ordering.  I’d asked for £250,000, which would allow me to pay off my mortgage, bills and help the family do the same.  I’ve never made this request before, due to the fear associated to windfall = death = inheritance!  So even though we may not be able to evoke the source, I asked that this money come from a lucky event, lottery win.  Thus, whilst I know about the creative power of the mind, what I’m really doing now, is testing out this creative theory with regards to the elusive money, that is causing so many problems!

As I walked home from the shop today, without any winnings, I maintained control over my victim thinking by  acknowledging just how lucky I already was, to have what I’ve got!  To have love in my life, good health, my loving family and friends, and a future that contains so many infinite possibilities to create a better life for us all.  ‘I AM A WINNER’, I shouted in my mind.

But alas, because I’m human, I couldn’t help but look up to the sky and let out the soft, wailing cry… ‘Dear God, just for once in my life I would like to feel what it’s like to have some luck that brings money in to help me and my family!’.

I took a deep breath, realising I must control my futility thinking. But as I looked back down I saw a black cat run across my path!  ‘I wonder if that’s an omen’  I mused! ‘Mmmm. Tonight is lottery night.  Maybe my numbers will be picked…..!’.

Eternal hope reigns!! Happy new year everyone!

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I know it may sound corny, and I know you’ve probably heard it said a million times or more.  But today I’m taking the risk to say it once again…Everyone Matters!!

It’s christmas, and is the time when feelings and emotions we’ve kept suppressed or hidden, find their way to the surface!  The feelings that make us say that ‘I’m okay’ when really we’re not!  The thoughts that make us think we’re not bothered, when really we are!

Christmas has an uncomfortable tendency to bring our problems and isolation to a peak, because whilst christmas is supposed to be a time of joyful giving and good will, there are those who have no-one in their lives to enable this participation of exchange of loving energies! So instead of being a time of joy, christmas becomes an intolerable nightmare of acute recognition, of just how bad life actually is!

There are many lonely people out there, who don’t let on how bad they feel about themselves and their life.  It doesn’t really matter if they live alone, or with others.  Or how old they are!  They feel as they do, and hate the way they feel, because they feel insignificant. They feel they don’t matter!

But if just a few of us made the effort to watch others a bit more closely, to talk to others a bit more often, then loneliness may not feel so bad.  Because just a few words, or a simple gesture of friendship, can make that lonely person believe that someone, somewhere, cares about how they feel!

It hurts when we feel that we don’t matter, that no-one is on our side, that there’s nobody we can call on to comfort us when we feel upset. The great sadness is that there are so many people who feel this way! Children, adults of all ages, even our pets need our love and companionship!

We think our pain is just our pain, but it’s not!  It’s part of the whole of humanity that is turning a corner in its evolutionary journey of change.

So as we enter 2013, let’s make a point of doing things differently…!

Let’s start caring about everybody, including ourselves.  And including those that we think harshly of, or resent, or dislike, or want to punish because they’ve hurt us in some way, at some time!

We don’t have to go back for more of the same.  We just have to let all the pain and resentment created in the past, leave our energy system, so it stops causing us more pain in the future! And when we start to think negatively, which we do because we’re human, all you need do, to create a miracle, is simply start thinking loving thoughts.  The energy changes immediately!

So when you walk along the street and see someone in pain, or needy, or hurting.  Or someone who is scared, or angry, or proud.  Instead of thinking about what they’re doing to make their life worse (or yours), remember they are simply a soul, like you, on a learning journey! Then let your heart fill with love, and mentally send it straight to them.  That’s all you have to do!

They and you will feel the benefit of this energy exchange, and it will cause a ripple effect that unites with everyone else who is sending out loving thoughts and feelings.  And when we can all feel this loving energy in our hearts, we will truly know that we all matter, as we are all part of the whole of humanity!

If you are alone, or hurting, or confused, or ailing this christmas, I want you to know that even though I don’t know you, I care that you feel this way!  And although I may not physically be able to help and support you, I would like to let you know that my prayers filled with love will find their way to you, along the universal energetic pathways, which may help reassure you that you are never really alone! Not totally!

I wish each of you a merry christmas, regardless of where you are and who you are with.  And a heart and life filled with the miraculous healing energy called love, that will create the miracles you’ve dreamed about!

Sending you all love, light, peace, joy, and many blessings for the future starting 2013.

Chrissie xx

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I’m sure I’m not the only person asking themselves ‘Who Am I?’ at this moment in time, where as the pressure of futility increases, due to Christmas being just around the corner, we wonder what’s happened to our life.  How did we end up where we are?  As regardless of how hard we’ve tried to change or how much cutting-back we’ve done, lack of money and ever-increasing bills to pay, is still causing problems for so many, including me.  And although we may use relaxation and self-help techniques to help us cope with our rising stress, we are still highly stressed, because of the way we feel about us, our life, and our future!

To be honest, it feels like things will never change, and they could even get worse, as there’s no signs of improvement to global financial problems that affect each of us.  And to top it all, we’ve got ascension energy pushing and shoving us into emotional and mental places we’ve tried to avoid, in order to release latent emotional energy that we’ve held on to for too long. Causing frightening physical symptoms that worry us even more!

Wowee!! … What a ride, as internal and external pressure  causes havoc to our energy! And regardless of whether you believe in all of this energetic stuff or not, the pressure is still really intense!!

However, whilst our human problems appear so overwhelming to us, we should realise that our problems are not the main issue here.  As planetary, energetic, and spiritual influences are affecting us also, where there is a merging of elements taking place that will create significant changes to our future.  With an ultimate transformational purpose that is designed to protect us from self-destruction. Hard to believe?  Yes of course it is!  But how do we know it’s not true?

My guidance tells me it’s about ‘Healing the heart of man’, and that helps me to realise that change will be a good thing for us.  Yet I find it incredible that this is the time when evolutionary changes manifest, that will eventually change our lives forever! So many of our ancestors have been wiped out in the past, during this process.  Is this REALLY the time when we do it differently?  Where we change before it’s too late! What an amazing thought that is!!

I often wonder about our future, and the world as it may be someday.  It’s hard to imagine the new, prophesised world, where love and compassion are the fierce energetic prompts that guide our thoughts, feelings and actions. We’ve all been hurt so much by each other, throughout our existence, that we’ve been conditioned to accept pain as an inevitability of life.  But this is not how it should be!  And yet if this is all we’ve known, or remember, then how can we know how to create the necessary changes that will sustain life and happiness, instead of destroying it? But maybe this responsibility doesn’t fall just on our shoulders.  Maybe there is a higher universal intelligence that can help us do what we need to do!

I’ve communicated with the Sirian High Council, the Pleidian Elders, Lemurians and Atlanteans, as well as others.  I’ve also communicated with God energy, angels, guides, entities etc.  But how do I know these are true and real, as they are in my mind?  How do I know I’m not insane when I converse with these beings from afar?  And yet their influences have helped me so much, to understand how to survive this world!  So I believe there is help from these sources!  And yet it doesn’t really matter whether I believe in them or not does it?

As regardless of our circumstances, and who we are, one thing is for certain.  We’re already changing – we are not the people we once were.  Our life is different, our ambitions are different, and our future is not the one we were planning on. So because we’ve lost the ‘old picture’ we had created in our mind, about who and what we would become, it can feel as though we’ve lost our identity, or we are dying.  When the reality is that we’ve lost sight of who we are, because we, as we once were, are no more! And believe it or not, this is a good thing!

Basically what’s happened is that because we’ve had no option other than confront or control our rising fear, caused because of external to us circumstances, we have broken through the protective barrier that the ego had created.  Which kept us isolated, small, defensive and afraid.  We were reactive to a lot of things, but now we know, from our futile experiences of over-reacting, that when the tables are turned against us, we should and can stand steady and strong.  Knowing that in time, somehow, we will find the answers we need, the strength we lack, and the motivation to move ourselves beyond our stuck points, to a more comfortable life position. In other words, instead of running with our fear, we learn to trust that we can help ourselves in better ways!

It’s common knowledge that the Mayan calendar ends soon, which because of our linear thinking leaves us fearing the worst.  But now, because something is ending and we can’t see the beginning of anything new, we get anxious, feel vulnerable and start to panic about what’s going to happen to us and our world! There are those who foretell disasters, doom and gloom – even the end of the world!  But I don’t believe any of that, although the world as we know it will undoubtedly change, which could be symbolised as an ending.  Not before time I would add, as I know there has to be a better way to live our life, than the way most of us live now, where we struggle to survive against the turning tides of those in power, who have brought us to our knees.

But guess what!  We are stronger than they think!  We are braver than they anticipated!  And our heart and soul is getting ready to challenge those who want to keep us frozen in fear!  We want our life back, we want to be free not only from our anxiety and worry, and politics that squeeze the breath out of us.  But mostly we want to be free from our own fear, because we now know that this is the thing that upsets us the most.  And because we are human, we will make it happen eventually, now that we are starting to accept that we have the power to change how we feel – at will! (This is true by the way!).

Many foretell of a new energy reaching earth, that will take us on to a different dimensional level of being.  Which as a consequence of existing within a higher vibration, will enable us to become more intuitive.  We will be able to see the truth of life, and value what really matters.  There are many thousands, if not millions of people who have already reached this level, because they’ve spent their time developing their Selves, pursuing peace instead of conflict, freedom instead of control! But there’s many more who still have work to do in this area, if they want their life to improve! Where the choice at the moment is ours – live in fear, or find a way to manage and disperse any fearful prompts that disrupt our energetic balance.

When we’re afraid, we look for solutions to our problems and often fail to recognise that life is becoming a prison of misery. As when we feel deprived of what we need, over a long period of time, we can end up believing we don’t deserve anything other than what we’ve got.  We lose our confidence, our drive to succeed, our dreams and aspirations!  And we forget who we are, as we believe we are nothing!  Our energy is low, we lack enthusiasm, we get depressed, angry and upset, because we lose hope that things will ever change for us!

If what I’m describing seems familiar to you, then I know you have suffered like I have!  I’ve tried for many years to work out the best way to live, to survive financial, emotional and mental crisis!  I’ve also had quite a few traumatic spiritual experiences as well, but that story can wait for another day, for now!  The point is our suffering was not for nothing!  It was all about the energetic transformation process that is happening now!

About nine  years ago, whilst I was laying in bed one night, I saw an image of the earth in my room, in front of my window.  Regardless of whether my eyes were closed or open, the green and mauve image remained. I wondered if I was dreaming or becoming psychotic, and so pinched myself, stood up and went out of the room, returned and sat on the bed.  The image was still there!  As I watched with bated breath, not knowing what was going to happen next, fire started to rise at the back of the earth, flames burning high, spreading all around it.  I was scared and didn’t know what this meant, but knew I had to keep watching as the flames engulfed the earth!

Shortly after that, as the flames started to die down, another image appeared underneath the burning earth.  This highly coloured scene showed people rejoicing, dancing, clapping.  People were happy!  And as I tried to make sense of this vision, I remembered the violet flame of transmutation and so felt that this was a sort of re-assurance, that once I’d changed my life, I would be happy.  The images disappeared, but I’ve never forgotten them!

Over the last few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about this experience and it’s relevance to now.  At the time I thought it was just about me and my life.  Now I’m wondering if this vision was not just about preparing me for the future, but letting me know this is about all humanity.  That once we are destroyed egotistically, we are reborn into the future of our dreams!

Although hard, and though it may feel impossible at times, we have to allow ourselves to change, to fall, to rise, to grow!  We can’t do this when we are safe, so it’s okay to be afraid when faced with change, as we have to feel our fear, we have to confront our demons and let them go, because a re-birth is about to happen, and we need to be ready to step into a new human role that corrects our problems rather than causing them!

There’s talk about a miraculous ‘Second Coming’, of someone whom we could trust to lead us out of the darkness.  But if we still don’t recognise our true power of creation, this blind faith would simply lead us right back into the transformational fire we’re trying to escape from!  Following those in power is not the answer – we should know that by now, shouldn’t we? They are the ones who got us in this shit in the first place!  Now we, WE, have to motivate ourselves to stand up, take responsibility for our creative yet destructive power, and lead ourselves to a better, different life!

There is no quick, simple, panacea for doing this successfully at the moment!  I only wish it was that easy! It takes courage to not run away from our fear, and perseverance, patience to come through our bad times!  But come through them we must, and will – just like my vision all those years ago!  Where even though we can’t see the bigger picture, we must trust that a safe, loving, happy world is there, and that we will get the chance to enjoy it in this lifetime!

I know now that each experience that made me afraid has been for a reason!  I wanted to be comfortable, feel safe and content.  My soul knew otherwise though!  It had a job to do, to keep me on my toes, to allow myself to fragment, to break into small pieces that I could choose to discard during my emotional and mental recovery!  My soul has nudged me on my pathway, when I felt so abandoned and alone.  Where many times, as my stability crashed, so did I!

So when I ask myself now ‘Who am I?’, I can answer, without fear….I am Chrissie Batten, I have a soul, a will, courage, strength (although I don’t always feel it).  And I have a fragmented ego, that has lost it’s power over me, meaning I am in control of me.  Mmmm…well, that’s not totally true yet, but I’m starting to have hope that things will change!

Yes, I’ve got hope for me – no aspirations mind, or clear visions for the future. Just a little hope and trust that all is meant to be as it is, for a really good reason – to preserve human life, to have peace in our minds and heart.  To be loved and to love, and to be glad to be alive!

What about you though…regardless of how you were in the past, who are you now?  When you ask yourself ‘Who am I?’, what answers come from your heart?  What answers come from your mind?  How have you changed? Look closely through an open mind, and I’m sure you will find you’ve come a lot further than you thought!

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