Archive for the ‘Mind and emotions’ Category

I’m re-posting my article about Human Evolution, because it’s so connected to changes around December 21st!

Human Evolution.

And whilst it’s natural to feel afraid, because of the fear-generated stories that we’ve been fed about this date, we have to remember that the major changes are being caused by astrological events, that will in turn gradually affect us – just like solar and lunar power does.  So really, there is nothing to fear, except fear itself!

More about this astrology can be found here……


Although it’s a long film, it does give lots of useful insight into what’s actually happening to us!  And reinforces the idea that our real power lies in the way we use our mind, to create our life and who we are!

Although I’ve severly doubted myself and my intuitive knowledge over the years, I can’t help but recognise things being said now, that I was told nearly twenty years ago!  So I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had trusted this inner knowledge, and the source of the information that came from beyond this world, and developed my world around it!

Mmm.  Too late for regrets now eh!

However, I’m not so quick to doubt myself nowadays, thank goodness!  So let’s hope I follow my guidance in the future, instead of believing my fear mind that was telling me I wasn’t good enough for…..everything!!  You get the gist I’m sure!

So, hopefully, you won’t make the same mistakes I did!


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I know it may sound corny, and I know you’ve probably heard it said a million times or more.  But today I’m taking the risk to say it once again…Everyone Matters!!

It’s christmas, and is the time when feelings and emotions we’ve kept suppressed or hidden, find their way to the surface!  The feelings that make us say that ‘I’m okay’ when really we’re not!  The thoughts that make us think we’re not bothered, when really we are!

Christmas has an uncomfortable tendency to bring our problems and isolation to a peak, because whilst christmas is supposed to be a time of joyful giving and good will, there are those who have no-one in their lives to enable this participation of exchange of loving energies! So instead of being a time of joy, christmas becomes an intolerable nightmare of acute recognition, of just how bad life actually is!

There are many lonely people out there, who don’t let on how bad they feel about themselves and their life.  It doesn’t really matter if they live alone, or with others.  Or how old they are!  They feel as they do, and hate the way they feel, because they feel insignificant. They feel they don’t matter!

But if just a few of us made the effort to watch others a bit more closely, to talk to others a bit more often, then loneliness may not feel so bad.  Because just a few words, or a simple gesture of friendship, can make that lonely person believe that someone, somewhere, cares about how they feel!

It hurts when we feel that we don’t matter, that no-one is on our side, that there’s nobody we can call on to comfort us when we feel upset. The great sadness is that there are so many people who feel this way! Children, adults of all ages, even our pets need our love and companionship!

We think our pain is just our pain, but it’s not!  It’s part of the whole of humanity that is turning a corner in its evolutionary journey of change.

So as we enter 2013, let’s make a point of doing things differently…!

Let’s start caring about everybody, including ourselves.  And including those that we think harshly of, or resent, or dislike, or want to punish because they’ve hurt us in some way, at some time!

We don’t have to go back for more of the same.  We just have to let all the pain and resentment created in the past, leave our energy system, so it stops causing us more pain in the future! And when we start to think negatively, which we do because we’re human, all you need do, to create a miracle, is simply start thinking loving thoughts.  The energy changes immediately!

So when you walk along the street and see someone in pain, or needy, or hurting.  Or someone who is scared, or angry, or proud.  Instead of thinking about what they’re doing to make their life worse (or yours), remember they are simply a soul, like you, on a learning journey! Then let your heart fill with love, and mentally send it straight to them.  That’s all you have to do!

They and you will feel the benefit of this energy exchange, and it will cause a ripple effect that unites with everyone else who is sending out loving thoughts and feelings.  And when we can all feel this loving energy in our hearts, we will truly know that we all matter, as we are all part of the whole of humanity!

If you are alone, or hurting, or confused, or ailing this christmas, I want you to know that even though I don’t know you, I care that you feel this way!  And although I may not physically be able to help and support you, I would like to let you know that my prayers filled with love will find their way to you, along the universal energetic pathways, which may help reassure you that you are never really alone! Not totally!

I wish each of you a merry christmas, regardless of where you are and who you are with.  And a heart and life filled with the miraculous healing energy called love, that will create the miracles you’ve dreamed about!

Sending you all love, light, peace, joy, and many blessings for the future starting 2013.

Chrissie xx

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I’m sure I’m not the only person asking themselves ‘Who Am I?’ at this moment in time, where as the pressure of futility increases, due to Christmas being just around the corner, we wonder what’s happened to our life.  How did we end up where we are?  As regardless of how hard we’ve tried to change or how much cutting-back we’ve done, lack of money and ever-increasing bills to pay, is still causing problems for so many, including me.  And although we may use relaxation and self-help techniques to help us cope with our rising stress, we are still highly stressed, because of the way we feel about us, our life, and our future!

To be honest, it feels like things will never change, and they could even get worse, as there’s no signs of improvement to global financial problems that affect each of us.  And to top it all, we’ve got ascension energy pushing and shoving us into emotional and mental places we’ve tried to avoid, in order to release latent emotional energy that we’ve held on to for too long. Causing frightening physical symptoms that worry us even more!

Wowee!! … What a ride, as internal and external pressure  causes havoc to our energy! And regardless of whether you believe in all of this energetic stuff or not, the pressure is still really intense!!

However, whilst our human problems appear so overwhelming to us, we should realise that our problems are not the main issue here.  As planetary, energetic, and spiritual influences are affecting us also, where there is a merging of elements taking place that will create significant changes to our future.  With an ultimate transformational purpose that is designed to protect us from self-destruction. Hard to believe?  Yes of course it is!  But how do we know it’s not true?

My guidance tells me it’s about ‘Healing the heart of man’, and that helps me to realise that change will be a good thing for us.  Yet I find it incredible that this is the time when evolutionary changes manifest, that will eventually change our lives forever! So many of our ancestors have been wiped out in the past, during this process.  Is this REALLY the time when we do it differently?  Where we change before it’s too late! What an amazing thought that is!!

I often wonder about our future, and the world as it may be someday.  It’s hard to imagine the new, prophesised world, where love and compassion are the fierce energetic prompts that guide our thoughts, feelings and actions. We’ve all been hurt so much by each other, throughout our existence, that we’ve been conditioned to accept pain as an inevitability of life.  But this is not how it should be!  And yet if this is all we’ve known, or remember, then how can we know how to create the necessary changes that will sustain life and happiness, instead of destroying it? But maybe this responsibility doesn’t fall just on our shoulders.  Maybe there is a higher universal intelligence that can help us do what we need to do!

I’ve communicated with the Sirian High Council, the Pleidian Elders, Lemurians and Atlanteans, as well as others.  I’ve also communicated with God energy, angels, guides, entities etc.  But how do I know these are true and real, as they are in my mind?  How do I know I’m not insane when I converse with these beings from afar?  And yet their influences have helped me so much, to understand how to survive this world!  So I believe there is help from these sources!  And yet it doesn’t really matter whether I believe in them or not does it?

As regardless of our circumstances, and who we are, one thing is for certain.  We’re already changing – we are not the people we once were.  Our life is different, our ambitions are different, and our future is not the one we were planning on. So because we’ve lost the ‘old picture’ we had created in our mind, about who and what we would become, it can feel as though we’ve lost our identity, or we are dying.  When the reality is that we’ve lost sight of who we are, because we, as we once were, are no more! And believe it or not, this is a good thing!

Basically what’s happened is that because we’ve had no option other than confront or control our rising fear, caused because of external to us circumstances, we have broken through the protective barrier that the ego had created.  Which kept us isolated, small, defensive and afraid.  We were reactive to a lot of things, but now we know, from our futile experiences of over-reacting, that when the tables are turned against us, we should and can stand steady and strong.  Knowing that in time, somehow, we will find the answers we need, the strength we lack, and the motivation to move ourselves beyond our stuck points, to a more comfortable life position. In other words, instead of running with our fear, we learn to trust that we can help ourselves in better ways!

It’s common knowledge that the Mayan calendar ends soon, which because of our linear thinking leaves us fearing the worst.  But now, because something is ending and we can’t see the beginning of anything new, we get anxious, feel vulnerable and start to panic about what’s going to happen to us and our world! There are those who foretell disasters, doom and gloom – even the end of the world!  But I don’t believe any of that, although the world as we know it will undoubtedly change, which could be symbolised as an ending.  Not before time I would add, as I know there has to be a better way to live our life, than the way most of us live now, where we struggle to survive against the turning tides of those in power, who have brought us to our knees.

But guess what!  We are stronger than they think!  We are braver than they anticipated!  And our heart and soul is getting ready to challenge those who want to keep us frozen in fear!  We want our life back, we want to be free not only from our anxiety and worry, and politics that squeeze the breath out of us.  But mostly we want to be free from our own fear, because we now know that this is the thing that upsets us the most.  And because we are human, we will make it happen eventually, now that we are starting to accept that we have the power to change how we feel – at will! (This is true by the way!).

Many foretell of a new energy reaching earth, that will take us on to a different dimensional level of being.  Which as a consequence of existing within a higher vibration, will enable us to become more intuitive.  We will be able to see the truth of life, and value what really matters.  There are many thousands, if not millions of people who have already reached this level, because they’ve spent their time developing their Selves, pursuing peace instead of conflict, freedom instead of control! But there’s many more who still have work to do in this area, if they want their life to improve! Where the choice at the moment is ours – live in fear, or find a way to manage and disperse any fearful prompts that disrupt our energetic balance.

When we’re afraid, we look for solutions to our problems and often fail to recognise that life is becoming a prison of misery. As when we feel deprived of what we need, over a long period of time, we can end up believing we don’t deserve anything other than what we’ve got.  We lose our confidence, our drive to succeed, our dreams and aspirations!  And we forget who we are, as we believe we are nothing!  Our energy is low, we lack enthusiasm, we get depressed, angry and upset, because we lose hope that things will ever change for us!

If what I’m describing seems familiar to you, then I know you have suffered like I have!  I’ve tried for many years to work out the best way to live, to survive financial, emotional and mental crisis!  I’ve also had quite a few traumatic spiritual experiences as well, but that story can wait for another day, for now!  The point is our suffering was not for nothing!  It was all about the energetic transformation process that is happening now!

About nine  years ago, whilst I was laying in bed one night, I saw an image of the earth in my room, in front of my window.  Regardless of whether my eyes were closed or open, the green and mauve image remained. I wondered if I was dreaming or becoming psychotic, and so pinched myself, stood up and went out of the room, returned and sat on the bed.  The image was still there!  As I watched with bated breath, not knowing what was going to happen next, fire started to rise at the back of the earth, flames burning high, spreading all around it.  I was scared and didn’t know what this meant, but knew I had to keep watching as the flames engulfed the earth!

Shortly after that, as the flames started to die down, another image appeared underneath the burning earth.  This highly coloured scene showed people rejoicing, dancing, clapping.  People were happy!  And as I tried to make sense of this vision, I remembered the violet flame of transmutation and so felt that this was a sort of re-assurance, that once I’d changed my life, I would be happy.  The images disappeared, but I’ve never forgotten them!

Over the last few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about this experience and it’s relevance to now.  At the time I thought it was just about me and my life.  Now I’m wondering if this vision was not just about preparing me for the future, but letting me know this is about all humanity.  That once we are destroyed egotistically, we are reborn into the future of our dreams!

Although hard, and though it may feel impossible at times, we have to allow ourselves to change, to fall, to rise, to grow!  We can’t do this when we are safe, so it’s okay to be afraid when faced with change, as we have to feel our fear, we have to confront our demons and let them go, because a re-birth is about to happen, and we need to be ready to step into a new human role that corrects our problems rather than causing them!

There’s talk about a miraculous ‘Second Coming’, of someone whom we could trust to lead us out of the darkness.  But if we still don’t recognise our true power of creation, this blind faith would simply lead us right back into the transformational fire we’re trying to escape from!  Following those in power is not the answer – we should know that by now, shouldn’t we? They are the ones who got us in this shit in the first place!  Now we, WE, have to motivate ourselves to stand up, take responsibility for our creative yet destructive power, and lead ourselves to a better, different life!

There is no quick, simple, panacea for doing this successfully at the moment!  I only wish it was that easy! It takes courage to not run away from our fear, and perseverance, patience to come through our bad times!  But come through them we must, and will – just like my vision all those years ago!  Where even though we can’t see the bigger picture, we must trust that a safe, loving, happy world is there, and that we will get the chance to enjoy it in this lifetime!

I know now that each experience that made me afraid has been for a reason!  I wanted to be comfortable, feel safe and content.  My soul knew otherwise though!  It had a job to do, to keep me on my toes, to allow myself to fragment, to break into small pieces that I could choose to discard during my emotional and mental recovery!  My soul has nudged me on my pathway, when I felt so abandoned and alone.  Where many times, as my stability crashed, so did I!

So when I ask myself now ‘Who am I?’, I can answer, without fear….I am Chrissie Batten, I have a soul, a will, courage, strength (although I don’t always feel it).  And I have a fragmented ego, that has lost it’s power over me, meaning I am in control of me.  Mmmm…well, that’s not totally true yet, but I’m starting to have hope that things will change!

Yes, I’ve got hope for me – no aspirations mind, or clear visions for the future. Just a little hope and trust that all is meant to be as it is, for a really good reason – to preserve human life, to have peace in our minds and heart.  To be loved and to love, and to be glad to be alive!

What about you though…regardless of how you were in the past, who are you now?  When you ask yourself ‘Who am I?’, what answers come from your heart?  What answers come from your mind?  How have you changed? Look closely through an open mind, and I’m sure you will find you’ve come a lot further than you thought!

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Meditation is a great tool for helping us relax, find peace in our mind and hearts, and transcend the physical world.  However, there are many different ways to use meditation, and many different meditative states. But how can we meditate when we feel so anxious?

If we’re just starting out it helps if we can identify how we can use meditation to meet our current needs!  So this article is for those who suffer from anxiety, and don’t know how to best use meditation therapeutically.

When we suffer from anxiety, because our fear-based mind processing controls our future, our mind can feel like it is in control of us!  The blend of anxious thoughts perpetuate anxious emotions, which can propel our fear-based fight and flight response, which activates even more fear and anxiety thoughts.  This process then becomes habitual, where it feels as though our life is lived on a roller-coaster of high/low anxiety states, that overtake our creativity, and often leaves us exhausted.

It is this exhaustion that can be most helped by using meditation to calm our thoughts.  But if you’ve never attempted meditation before, or failed to be able to use it with good results in the past, then rather than giving it up as a bad job, it may help to understand how to best work with meditation, whilst we are anxious.

Step 1 – Why Meditate?

The first step for anxiety meditation is to understand why you are doing it!  So, if you are overwhelmed by anxiety, the reason you would use meditation would be to calm your mind.  But if you’ve got loads of anxious thoughts entangled in your mind, how can you feel calm?  So you need to understand what happens when we meditate, when we are highly anxious.

Step 2 – Understanding The Process!

When we are anxious, our mind is filled with ever-increasing, provoking, reactive thoughts, that stimulate our reactive behaviour – whatever that may be. Including anything we use to make ourselves feel better, that helps our attention escape from our mind, emotions and problems.  However, if you’re sitting quietly, trying not to think anxious thoughts, the first thing that will happen is that a flood of anxious thoughts will automatically and naturally rise, and fill the empty space that has just appeared in your mind.  This is simply your mind feeding your habitual anxiety thinking, and is nothing to be alarmed about. Although distressing, it is still a process, that we can learn to manage, that will make life so much easier! We just have to learn how to become the observer of our own energy!

Step 3 – Watching The Energy Release!

So, whilst you are sitting quietly, and the anxious thoughts have started to pour into your mind, instead of catching the thoughts, thinking about and analysing them, thus feeding the habit which will increase your anxiety, there is something else you can do with them! As however distressing the thoughts may be, when you recognise that internal pressure created from the thoughts in your mind is just ENERGY, you have the power to release it, and thus feel less anxious and exhausted!

This energy release is accomplished by using the space that meditation provides, to facilitate our ability to conceptualise  energy in a tangible form, which we can consciously and deliberately manipulate to best suit our needs, by the use of visualisation.

If you doubt your ability to visualise, imagine this now… See yourself holding  a couple of red balloons on a long string.  Are they large, small? See them bounce in the breeze.  Then let them go, as you watch the balloons drift away in the sky!  Anyone can visualise – as whilst you may not actually see through your eyes, you just have to allow yourself to imagine in your mind’s eye!  You do it all the time – that’s why you get so anxious!  You believe what you think is real – so use this approach when working with energy!

There are a couple of methods I find really helpful, which involve using visualisation.  Here is one of them….

Method 1

*Whilst we can work this way with any part of our body, this example is based on the pressure in our mind.

Feel the tension in your head (or any other part of your body). Imagine the bombardment of thoughts in your mind as an energy form, say something like a grey or black cloud.

You have the intention of releasing this energy, so keep your focus on the cloud – not on the contents of your thoughts.

As you see the cloud of anxious thoughts in your mind’s eye, see it as a stream of energy that has a beginning and end, rather than a cloud shape.   Although you may be able to see the wispy beginning of the stream, you probably won’t be able to see the end yet – it will be too dense!

The beginning of this energy needs to find the nearest exit point, to be able to leave your energy system.  This can be through your mouth or through the top of your head – the crown chakra point, or other chakra points.  Identify which exit route your dark energy naturally flows toward, then mentally watch as the stream of dark energy starts to move away from your mind, through the exit point, out into the universe where it can be transmuted and healed. If you have problems identifying an exit point, simply direct the energy to the top of your head and use that one!

As you sit quietly, acknowledge the increasing anxiety thoughts that rise, keeping your focus and attention on the stream of dark energy exiting your mind, watching it flow, slowly, quickly, until the river of dark energy comes to an end. Where as the end of the river disappears from view, you know by the way you feel that the healing has been completed for that time.  If more anxious thoughts start to rise, repeat the process of anxious energy release.

How Much Time Will It Take?

You can choose to allow a specific amount of time to work with your energy, or give it as much time as it needs to be released from your system.  It can take just a few minutes to bring enormous relief, once we’ve developed the ability to focus our mind clearly and explicitly! However, when I first devised this method of working, it wasn’t uncommon for me to sit for a couple of hours, as I learned how to work with my energy, and feel the benefit of negative energy release. Until gradually, instead of using meditation for anxiety release, I was able to insert another purpose, governed by my needs at the time. Always remember though – you are in control of it!!


Meditation practice involves allowing our mind (or consciousness) to roam free.  However, when anxious, depressed, paranoid, or in any other heightened state of emotion, it’s not a good idea to expose ourself by jumping in at the deep end this way, whilst we’re working with spiritual or universal  energy.  Maintaining focus on our intent, by using visualisation, helps keep us on track to self-healing, and keeps us safe.

To increase our protection, it’s also wise to image ourselves wrapped in white energy, whilst working with the unfamiliar aspects of universal consciousness.

Meditation is a wonderful tool, that serves so many purposes.  So when we ask ‘How Can We Meditate When We Feel So Anxious?’ if we remember to start slowly, with the purpose of releasing toxic energy from our energy system, we can gently learn how to allow ourselves to find the peace and tranquility we yearn for.

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I named my blog site The War Dance of the Mind and Soul for a reason….because I wanted to be able to speak about the variety of things that cause us so much pain and struggle in life, that in order to survive, we have to find a way to positively resolve.  Getting over the end of an affair definitely causes us huge problems, on every level, and so to survive it’s important to look beyond the affair and our feelings about it, and identify what we need to see because of it!

We don’t have to be lacking anything to embark on the fantasy adventure that an affair offers us.  It can and does occur simply because we feel an attraction for the OP, that we want to take to the next satisfaction level.  However, many people who enter into an affair often say their long-term relationship was unsatisfactory, unfulfilled.  They felt taken for granted, unnoticed, unrewarded, bored!  Their life was in a rut, they didn’t like or love their partner any longer.  They no longer had communication in their relationship! In other words, they wanted more from their lives than what they had!

There are many reasons why people get involved in affairs. We know they cause problems, we know people will get hurt, and yet we still do it – because we think we will find something in our life that’s been missing! We think we have found true love!And whilst the relationship is in action as it unravels it’s possibilities, and we are caught up in the drama and excitement of all that the illicit dance of intimacy evokes, our attention is on how we can get more of what we want, and how we can keep it forever! And thus, avoid returning to the emotional state, whatever it was, before the affair started.

Affairs are not simple things to manage, because there are complicated emotional and mental processes in action, that if not managed in secrecy will create a knock-on effect that could seriously hurt other members of each family involved.  And yet knowing that an affair could cause us or others immense pain, is not always enough to stop us having affairs.  Or hankering after someone we can’t be with, after the actual affair relationship has ended!

There are various stages to an affair that we need to process, because each stage has the opportunity to lead us on a route containing separate stages, that lead to different outcomes. Affairs stimulate a really complicated emotional and mental process, which would take too long to write about here. So to simplify, we’ll call the process stages the beginning, middle and end.

The first beginning stage is filled with exhilarating, exciting moments where we have to look at us and what we’re doing – and decide whether to still ‘do it’ because of how much pain we’re going to create, through our lust-filled deeds and thoughts!  Whereas the middle contains the all-engrossing ‘What If’s..’ that lead us on a merry dance to heaven or hell, and back.  Where we ride the often uncontrollable, roller-coaster of ups and downs, that fear, yearning, sexual impulses, personal satisfaction, and ambivalence can create!

The stage that leads to the end of an affair is less appealing.  Because this is where we have to face the consequences of our actions, and deal with unwanted, negative emotions and impulses, that drive us to make decisions that work against our highest good.  Feelings of being rejected or not good enough, make us prone to pressure from the unrealistic demands of others. Whilst guilt, anxiety and fear, caused because of whom we have hurt, calls for punishment we deem justified, from others, or even via the righteousness of God!

And because we experience that terrible emptiness inside, where the once empty void had been filled, but now the stimulus of the affair has gone is emptying again, we can find it hard to imagine that life will get any better for us in the future. And wonder, with regret, whether the affair was worth getting into at all! But now it’s too late for that!  It’s over and done with.  Been and gone!  But life isn’t back to normal.  In fact whereas before the affair life was sort of chuggling along okay, in it’s own way, nothing in life feels right now!

So what is an affair really about? Say you’ve become involved with someone who you fantasise about, become obsessed with.  You can’t wait to see them, hear their voice; it makes you feel so much better!  You may even have become physically involved with them, where the powerful memories and thoughts associated to sexual drives, feed every sensation in your body and soul! This is soooo powerful!  It’s not surprising that it makes you believe in the impossibilities contained within your secret world!

Everyday life and relationships are put on hold because your attention is on the Other Person – the one who possibly has the key to getting most of your important needs met, maybe forever! They have hardly any faults, they treat you okay.  ‘With a little more time I’ll get them to treat me exactly how I want!’ we gleefully remind ourselves, remembering how ?? doesn’t.

We make everything sound so simple, or complicated, as we erroneously contemplate that our life would be complete (or so much better) if we were with this person who has so much that we want.  We’ve known them for such a short time, yet they know us, see us, accept us in a way that no-one else has – so it must be right mustn’t it?  ‘We can tell each other anything!’, ‘We communicate on every level!’. ‘How can something so good be wrong?’ we say!  ‘Other people could get hurt, of course they could. But isn’t my happiness worth fighting for?’ we ask ourselves.  ‘Don’t I deserve to have some of what I want in my life, regardless of how ?? feels about it?’.  ‘I’ve done this for ?? for years, now it’s my time to have what I want!’.

Our mind, being the dream machine in action, will try to convince us more…‘And if I don’t have the OP in my life to give me what I’m missing, where else am I going to find a way to feel as I do, when I think about them?  The hopes, dreams, fantasies that fill my mind!  These things make me feel good on one level, yet bad on another.  They make me confused of course, but I can deal with that. As there’s this thread of a dream that is still alive … if only I can hold on to it. If only the OP would want me as I want them, if only I/they weren’t married to ??, then we could be together.  And unlike the ?? relationship, I know we would make this one work, and our life would be perfect (after we’ve sorted out all the crap that goes with long-term relationship breakdown of course)!’.

Fantasy thinking can make us feel great! But this is all it is usually…fantasy thinking that leads us to believe in the unlikely possibility that we can get what our ego desires! And when the reality of the situation hits, which it inevitably does, we’re not ready to deal with the fallout, and it’s often us who gets hurt the most. Because we know we can’t undo our past actions, wind the clock back, go back to where we were originally, before we met the OP!  Thus we increase our suffering, because we don’t know how to deal with our future!

When any relationship ends we enter various levels of the grief process.  This means that for a time, because we have broken dreams, we may feel sad, bad, unhappy, and could be plagued with feelings of regret, shame, anxiety, guilt and fear, that overwhelm our capacity to settle back into our relationship with ?? and life! Also, when an affair ends we mistakenly believe that should be the end of the matter – but it isn’t!  How could it be when something that feels so good has entered our lives and then left? We can’t help but wonder if we’ve failed yet again, can we? Thus our reactive self-protective nature steps up it’s need to prove it is safe and worthy, causing us even more problems!

Because so many thoughts, emotions and memories have been stimulated, they now have to be processed!  For if they’re not, we won’t be able to let go of conceived ideals about us, our life, the affair relationship, and our future, and it will make our recovery more difficult!  As regardless of who, what, why, if we’ve been involved with someone who makes us feel something good, that we’ve not felt before, or for a long time, we have to be aware that regardless of what we believe about them, this other person does not hold the secrets to our life that will make us forever happy. Nor do they have the power to make our life complete!

So this is probably the most important part of any affair… When it ends, as it usually does….HOW DO WE RECOGNISE THE SPARK OF LOVE AND LIFE THAT HAS BEEN AWAKENED WITHIN US – AND FIND A WAY TO NURTURE IT FOR OURSELVES!

When our passion for life has subsided, there’s little to stimulate the exhilarating feelings that new creative challenges can provide for us.  So when we engage with an OP, who pushes the buttons that wake us up and bring us back to life, it feels great!! It feels like THEY are the powerful ones who have made us want to live again.  But they aren’t – they haven’t!  All they did was to help us recognise that we wanted more!  But we’d become complacent!  We didn’t know how to get more!  We didn’t even know that we needed more, as we thought we were happy!  We thought we were coping inside! But meeting them made us see that we weren’t!  We were just slumbering within the mundane habits that we’d created our life around!

So the crux of getting over an affair seems to be about finding a better way to manage yourself and life, in such a way that is stimulating, filled with new challenges, has plenty of opportunities for you to meet new people and excel in what you enjoy doing!  This means instead of constantly thinking about the OP and what you are missing about them, or reminiscing about opportunities that might have been if you were still with them, you make the real effort to refocus your thinking, and concentrate on you, your life, your actions, and your future dreams!

And whilst you are getting over the end of an affair, although you are thrust back into the old world, with the old ways and the old partner, things don’t have to be the same as before do they?  For if nothing changes within that relationship, you will continue to experience the same feelings as before! As whilst guilt and fear will motivate different responses between you, they are not always enough to light your light!  Only you can do that by actions you take, that help you find peace in your awakening heart and troubled mind!

Please be aware that when an affair ends, your life starts something new!  There has been a part of your soul that has been awakened to love (or lust).  Doesn’t matter which really, as they are both very creative!  If you had not met the OP this part of your soul may not have awakened.  But now it has, it is your responsibility alone to make sure that you nurture it.  Help it to grow!  Remember how you felt inside during the early stages of the affair.  Remember the excitement, the surge of energy, the optimism, hope and new-found ability to dream creatively.  This is yours to keep and use to your best advantage!  And it can be found in other ways rather than using an affair!

Helping your soul to flourish, by discovering a better way to stimulate your inner happiness, is part of our life’s work!  We need other people to help us identify what we need.  They cannot always provide it for us, but they can show us there is another way!  If your life isn’t happy, rather than looking at others to fix you, look at you and what actions you are or aren’t taking, that could make your life feel better or worse! It takes a lot of strength and courage to pull ourselves out of the self-created rut, we inadvertently create as our life! You have this strength.  You have the courage! You can change your life for the better!

So, if you are still suffering because you have been struggling to come to terms with Getting Over The End of an Affair, instead of thinking about the OP, start thinking about what you need to do now, that will lock into the passion, your passion, that was stimulated by the OP.  Make that your new project that you can think and dream about!  Anything creative will use the same energy!  Writing, singing, reading, dancing, talking, teaching, painting, playing musical instruments, exercise, writing a journal, meditation, learning new skills, re-decorating, starting a new project, etc.

If you think more constructively about your own life, there’s so much you can do! And when you take action that necessitates you making the effort to get a consequential reward/outcome, you will evoke the emotional satisfaction that makes you feel good, and encourage you to believe that you can achieve more than you have before!

Affairs touch our heart for a valid reason!  To help us grow, to learn, to change who we have become!

Please don’t let your affair destroy your life or your Soul!

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I just went to bed, but an intense thought motivated me to get up and write this blog!

I’d been feeling unsettled for some time, about the turbulence in so many of our lives.  ‘Is there no-one who is happy, confident, optimistic, and whose life is in perfect order?’ I asked myself!  My worry thought surfaced, and I needed to do something with it.  But what could I do?

Then, it occurred to me that there may be others with a worry thought they might just want to express.  So that’s what this blog is about today.  A place just to leave your worry thought!  There’s no need to explain your thought, or reply to posts, unless you want to of course.  It’s just a place to share your thought and free it from your mind!

So here goes mine….

Hi, my name is Chrissie, and I’m worried about the escalating problems in the world, and wonder how bad they will become in the future, and if life will ever become ‘good’ again?

Is there a thought you would like to share……?

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So many blogs I’m reading are about the writer sharing their painful experiences.  Where readers comment and share their own experiences, and offer support for the author.  It appears that resonance enables each of us to appreciate each others’ suffering!

So when I posted my last blog I decided to do more sharing, which hopefully would help others in similar predicaments. But when I think about sharing some of my painful experiences through my blog, I freeze inside, my breathing gets faster, I feel panic start to rise in my body and mind! So whilst I can share what’s in my heart relatively easily, I find it very difficult to disclose or share the experiences in my life that have hurt me most!

I suppose that’s how it’s always been for me!  And I wonder if things will ever be different, for at age 64 some of my tendencies are well and truly ingrained!  However, because of my reaction to the sharing prompt, I owe it to myself to take a closer look as to what impedes my ability to communicate my pain to others. So that’s what I’ve been doing over the last few days!

But as I searched through my memories of how I never wanted to ‘make a fuss’ or cause problems for my over-worked mother, other memories and emotions surfaced, creating a whirlpool in my mind of incessant chattering thoughts, that have made me feel crap! Because as the thoughts rise and I question, analyse, cancel them out, or simply acknowledge them, they increase!  The chatter gets louder and stronger, and I feel tired and worn out from struggling to stay in control of my mind, and the stimulus to my emotions.

I feel worried that I recognise the pressure in my ears and the tightness and tingling at the top of my head! I know my blood pressure has risen because my heart beats faster, my breathing is more shallow, where the physical symptoms of stress are causing more fearful thoughts, such as ‘Am I going to have a heart attack or stroke?’.

This is a deep fear I’ve had since watching a woman die of heart attack on television when I was five.  I’d woken from a nightmare, got up and went into the dimly lit living room where my parents were watching a film on our newly acquired television (before that we only had radio). I ran and sat on my father’s lap (I was a daddy’s girl)and as I nestled my head on his chest, I watched the screen and saw a woman running along a beach, breathing hard, clutching her chest. Her young daughter had just died!  Her heart beat loudly… b.bang – b.bang – b.bang! Suddenly the beating got faster, then more erratic.  Then, as she dropped down onto the sand, the beating stopped and there was a loud silence!

I can’t remember the name of the film, but can remember the impact of that short scene, on a television screen that looked very real to a five-year old child, who’d already felt frightened by her nightmare!  Since then I started to monitor my heartbeat.  Is it too fast, too slow, is it going to stop!  And yes, I have worked on this issue, it has improved a great deal, but the remnants are still there!

I wonder if I’m going insane as I know the irritating voices are mine, the arguments  are mine! And it’s my thoughts that are causing my distress. It scares me that I’m visiting old territory of past torment, that I’ve tried so hard to escape from! Torment that is like a volcano preparing to erupt, as the pressure in my mind makes me feel like I’m getting ready to explode, scream or whatever!

However, I’ve learned that even though this storm is in my head, I can still think!  I can still take positive action other than getting carried along to the explosion point of uncontrollable action!  And this calms me down!  As I remind myself of what I know, I breath deeply as I tell myself….’I am C.A.L.M, my mind is C.A.L.M., my body is C.A.L.M.’  I allow myself to feel the calmness drizzle through my muscles. I take a few more calming breaths and feel the tension in my head reduce slightly.  This gives me the confidence to do some more calming statements, before using EFT tapping to sort out the residual issues!

And even though I’ve been feeling bad for a few days, no-one else knows!  Why?  Because I haven’t told them!  Ah ha – pattern apparent!  Why didn’t I tell?  Well for a start everyone has got their own problems to deal with, so why would they want mine!  If I did tell hubby how I was feeling he wouldn’t have a clue about how to help me, or make me feel better (communication isn’t his thing!).  And what’s the point of telling anyone how I feel if no-one can do anything about my problems?  So, I persist in trying to work them out in my head!  I repeat this pattern time after time, and this is why!!

I know how it feels, when intrusive thoughts fill your head until it feels like it’s going to explode.  Where the cycle of fear goes round and round in your mind, because no consolation or answers can be found.  Where there’s little sleep, because nightmares haunt your mind, even during the night! And where you wonder if you will survive this episode, or if your mind will ever think differently!

And even if you did want to share your dilemma, you don’t know how to start, or what to say, or even how to convey the intensity of what you are thinking and feeling!  Who would understand you, who would know how to best help you, who would know how to make you feel better?  And are your problems real, are they valid and worthy to cause such distress, or is your pain being caused by you because you’re over-reacting, making a mountain out of a molehill, making a fuss about nothing!

I’ve lived with mental anguish most of my life, and thankfully survived the conflicts my mind has caused.  I honestly don’t know if that will ever change. However, I tend to try to live day by day now, and whereas each day was a bad day, for a long, long time, there are many better or even good days now, where life becomes precious once again! Until the next temporary depressive episode that is!

So when we face our darkest moments, even if there is one dominant, destructive voice we hear all the time, that tells us to do bad things, we have to remember that we have many voices in our head!  And if we look and listen for it, we may find the voice of intuitive reason, that tells us we are strong, the world is a safe place, we are worthy, and that we will find the happiness we seek once we start to take more positive action.

When we’re caught up in our turmoil, it’s hard to steady ourselves if we just focus on the problems of how we think, feel and our negative experiences. But when we have problems sharing our worrying thoughts, our pain creates a bubble of mental and emotional turbulence, that can negatively affect us on every level of our being.  When we feel overwhelmed by ourselves, life stand still!  We can get stuck, going deeper and deeper into the pit of despair (as per one of my previous blogs).  And if you can’t help yourself to find a way out of the darkness, you owe it to yourself to find someone who can help you do what you can’t!

There are very few people I am willing to trust with my deepest, most painful memories, meaning I’ve had to learn how to cope with my distress alone, learn how to tolerate who I am, learn to recognise the warning signs that indicate I am not safe to look after me! Yet because of this way of coping, I have become extremely resourceful!

I used to pray for peace of mind, as though there was some sort of miracle that could immediately take away all the worries pounding my mind!.  I know now that my mind is like a computer…if you try running too many programmes at once, it will crash!  So I monitor myself, to try to catch myself before I get too low.  And remember that even in our darkest moments we can learn from our experience.  As when we focus on that new learning, which is what we need to do differently in the future, we cut ourselves off from having to experience the pain of our past!

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