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Posts Tagged ‘coping’

I recently commented on a friend’s blog post, and as I thought about her, I searched in my higher mind for words of wisdom that might help her situation!

Writing short notes of wisdom is something I’ve done for years, which is how I’ve been able to compose my Insight Cards.  And whilst the guidance I seek is usually for myself, I’m pleased to say I am able to generate appropriate words for others when necessary!

I always take notice of these bites of wisdom, as I realise they are coming from my higher mind, or from one of my spiritual guides, or even God.  The messages are always compassionate, but not always clear….and most of the time I have to think about the meaning behind the words, to identify how they fit in with the situation in question.

However, there is always a sort of ‘beauty’ about the words.  Their energy touches my heart, stimulating gratefulness that my dilemma is being acknowledged by the universal helpers that surround us, reassurance that there is a way to move through my turbulent period, trust that there is a higher power that is helping me and others, and hope that eventually we will all find what we’ve been looking and waiting for!

As I’ve re-read the words I sent to my blogging friend, I feel a tug at my heart, and a resonance inside that lets me know these words are also relevant for me. So now I’m thinking about how I can use the guidance contained within these words, to catapult myself over my current self-defeating barriers.

These are those few words of wisdom that console my soul…..maybe, if you think about the meaning behind the words, they can help you too…!

‘Let not comparison smoulder your passion, but let your creativity inflame your soul enough, to lift you to your higher destination!’

Chrissie

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I just went to bed, but an intense thought motivated me to get up and write this blog!

I’d been feeling unsettled for some time, about the turbulence in so many of our lives.  ‘Is there no-one who is happy, confident, optimistic, and whose life is in perfect order?’ I asked myself!  My worry thought surfaced, and I needed to do something with it.  But what could I do?

Then, it occurred to me that there may be others with a worry thought they might just want to express.  So that’s what this blog is about today.  A place just to leave your worry thought!  There’s no need to explain your thought, or reply to posts, unless you want to of course.  It’s just a place to share your thought and free it from your mind!

So here goes mine….

Hi, my name is Chrissie, and I’m worried about the escalating problems in the world, and wonder how bad they will become in the future, and if life will ever become ‘good’ again?

Is there a thought you would like to share……?

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I’ve had a horrible few days because my parrot, aged 17 years, suddenly developed an infection which stopped her from eating, where she was sleeping most of the time.  I knew that quick intervention is essential with sick birds. When I took her to the vet, I was told ‘She’s very poorly’, ‘It’s touch and go whether she’ll make it’ etc. Meaning I had to leave her at the vets so she could receive treatment, not knowing whether I would ever see her again!

Knowing there was the possibility that I might lose my little friend, my heart started to prepare itself for the inevitable, and my mind started the weighing up, pros and cons process, that happens when we enter such a crisis event! ‘She’s only a bird’ I’d say to myself, ‘nothing lives forever, you know that!’.  Then I’d think ‘Maybe it won’t be so bad when she’s gone, I won’t miss her that much!’.  My mind began yo-yoing, racing as I struggled to contain the terror I’d started to feel, but struggled against, knowing that my ‘baby’ may not come back to me!

I’ve slept badly during the last couple of nights, trying not to worry about what might happen.  I have remained calm, but inside I’ve been standing on the edge of a deep precipice, waiting.  Waiting for the news that will push me, albeit reluctantly, over the edge into the deep chasm of pain, that grief bestows upon us!

I’ve phoned the vet a couple of times each day for progress reports.  They said she’s very old for a captive parrot (I didn’t think that), she’s still not eating, she’s losing weight.  They were tube feeding and she’s on antibiotics for the infection.  This morning they said she was a little brighter, but they want to keep her in until Monday to make sure she’s eating again.  I suggested they try giving her favourite food, digestive biscuit with tea.  This afternoon they rang me and said as she’s eating (she ate the biscuit) she can come home, as long as I continue medicating etc.  So now, thank God, she’s home, back in her cage.  And although she’s not her normal self, she has eaten a couple of times already!  Hopefully, when I take her back to the vet next week she will be fully recovered!

Did you know that you can taste and smell fear?  It feels sort of warm in the head and upper body, and has a sweet sickly taste and smell, caused by the mixture of different chemicals that are evoked once we enter into fear and panic mode! That’s how I’m feeling at the moment, even though my parrot is back home!

I guess it’s caused by that terrible feeling of expecting ’The Worst’ to happen, where there’s little hope of a positive outcome!  I’ve found myself feeling irritated this afternoon, not just because the vet painted such a negative picture. But because this has happened to me a few times now, where it’s almost as though the professional, who we have to trust with the lives of ourselves and loved ones, causes our distress, because of their negative prognosis!

Nearly thirty years ago my mother had ovarian cancer, that had spread.  The doctors were very convincing when they told me she would not live any longer than 6 – 9 months.  The whole family went into grief mode, whilst trying to remain buoyant for mum.  By some miracle mum survived!  She’s now 85 years old!

Four years ago whilst in hospital for acute stomach pain, she was again rushed into surgery with a ruptured bowel and bladder.  It was a long operation, and the doctors said they did not expect her to live!  Her age, poor health, and seriousness of her condition meant there was little hope of survival, so we should prepare ourselves for the worst!  We, the family, had been here before.  But now it looked like it was time for mum to leave us!  Three months later she came home!  Obviously there was intensive care, lots of pain etc.  But she survived!

Last October my step-father fell and broke his neck!  It was unbearable to see him in intensive care, paralysed, unable to breathe on his own. The doctors told us that if he did survive, he would probably be totally paralysed. So, whilst we were doing our best to console and reassure him, we entered into the grief mode of preparing ourselves for the worst!  Nearly a year later, most of this time in hospital, he is walking, breathing, and although he has to be monitored for his breathing, and has reduced use of his right hand, he is still alive and kicking!

I guess the point I’m trying to make, is that in any crisis situation it’s important to retain a sense of hope, in order to help us cope with what we are facing!  But doctors seem to deliberately take away our hope, when they predict the worst scenario for their patient.  I know they have to be realistic, and want us to be also, but I wonder why they paint such a dismal picture in this sort of situation!  Maybe it’s part of the emotional preparation just in case things do go wrong! Maybe they say what they do, because they don’t want to get sued for giving misleading information!  Who knows!

Of course there are cases where they are correct, which I’m also familiar with, when my dear brother-in-law died at the age of 39 from cancer.  He was given the bad news by his doctors that he had only a few weeks to live, only this time, sadly, they were right!

So, the prospect of losing my pet parrot has opened up a huge ‘kettle of worms’ associated to grief, loss and attachment, that I’ve now got to process!  And I have to find a way to calm down the adrenalin that’s been pumping so hard for the last few days!  I hate the grief process.  It hurts so much on every level doesn’t it!  But we can’t avoid it, as all life is temporary and transitional – even our own!

However, what I have learned through all of these trials is that there is no guarantee when it comes to death and survival!  The doctors can tell us there’s no hope! But you know what, our spirit, our soul, our body is strong!  And although there will be a time when we won’t survive, nobody can really say when that time will be!

I am so grateful that things have worked out positively for me and my loved ones (some of the time). But we can’t live without hope!  It’s the thing that keeps us coming back again when we fall, trying over and over to change our lives, to make things better, to will our loved ones to get well!  And although we may be anxious, hope prevents depression. Without hope there would be no trust!  Without hope and trust we would be living in dark despair! A place I don’t want to visit unless I really have to!

So please doctors, when you are giving us ‘The News’, is there any way you can allow just a little leeway, for our hope and trust to generate the miracles of healing, that only the universe can provide for us?

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So many blogs I’m reading are about the writer sharing their painful experiences.  Where readers comment and share their own experiences, and offer support for the author.  It appears that resonance enables each of us to appreciate each others’ suffering!

So when I posted my last blog I decided to do more sharing, which hopefully would help others in similar predicaments. But when I think about sharing some of my painful experiences through my blog, I freeze inside, my breathing gets faster, I feel panic start to rise in my body and mind! So whilst I can share what’s in my heart relatively easily, I find it very difficult to disclose or share the experiences in my life that have hurt me most!

I suppose that’s how it’s always been for me!  And I wonder if things will ever be different, for at age 64 some of my tendencies are well and truly ingrained!  However, because of my reaction to the sharing prompt, I owe it to myself to take a closer look as to what impedes my ability to communicate my pain to others. So that’s what I’ve been doing over the last few days!

But as I searched through my memories of how I never wanted to ‘make a fuss’ or cause problems for my over-worked mother, other memories and emotions surfaced, creating a whirlpool in my mind of incessant chattering thoughts, that have made me feel crap! Because as the thoughts rise and I question, analyse, cancel them out, or simply acknowledge them, they increase!  The chatter gets louder and stronger, and I feel tired and worn out from struggling to stay in control of my mind, and the stimulus to my emotions.

I feel worried that I recognise the pressure in my ears and the tightness and tingling at the top of my head! I know my blood pressure has risen because my heart beats faster, my breathing is more shallow, where the physical symptoms of stress are causing more fearful thoughts, such as ‘Am I going to have a heart attack or stroke?’.

This is a deep fear I’ve had since watching a woman die of heart attack on television when I was five.  I’d woken from a nightmare, got up and went into the dimly lit living room where my parents were watching a film on our newly acquired television (before that we only had radio). I ran and sat on my father’s lap (I was a daddy’s girl)and as I nestled my head on his chest, I watched the screen and saw a woman running along a beach, breathing hard, clutching her chest. Her young daughter had just died!  Her heart beat loudly… b.bang – b.bang – b.bang! Suddenly the beating got faster, then more erratic.  Then, as she dropped down onto the sand, the beating stopped and there was a loud silence!

I can’t remember the name of the film, but can remember the impact of that short scene, on a television screen that looked very real to a five-year old child, who’d already felt frightened by her nightmare!  Since then I started to monitor my heartbeat.  Is it too fast, too slow, is it going to stop!  And yes, I have worked on this issue, it has improved a great deal, but the remnants are still there!

I wonder if I’m going insane as I know the irritating voices are mine, the arguments  are mine! And it’s my thoughts that are causing my distress. It scares me that I’m visiting old territory of past torment, that I’ve tried so hard to escape from! Torment that is like a volcano preparing to erupt, as the pressure in my mind makes me feel like I’m getting ready to explode, scream or whatever!

However, I’ve learned that even though this storm is in my head, I can still think!  I can still take positive action other than getting carried along to the explosion point of uncontrollable action!  And this calms me down!  As I remind myself of what I know, I breath deeply as I tell myself….’I am C.A.L.M, my mind is C.A.L.M., my body is C.A.L.M.’  I allow myself to feel the calmness drizzle through my muscles. I take a few more calming breaths and feel the tension in my head reduce slightly.  This gives me the confidence to do some more calming statements, before using EFT tapping to sort out the residual issues!

And even though I’ve been feeling bad for a few days, no-one else knows!  Why?  Because I haven’t told them!  Ah ha – pattern apparent!  Why didn’t I tell?  Well for a start everyone has got their own problems to deal with, so why would they want mine!  If I did tell hubby how I was feeling he wouldn’t have a clue about how to help me, or make me feel better (communication isn’t his thing!).  And what’s the point of telling anyone how I feel if no-one can do anything about my problems?  So, I persist in trying to work them out in my head!  I repeat this pattern time after time, and this is why!!

I know how it feels, when intrusive thoughts fill your head until it feels like it’s going to explode.  Where the cycle of fear goes round and round in your mind, because no consolation or answers can be found.  Where there’s little sleep, because nightmares haunt your mind, even during the night! And where you wonder if you will survive this episode, or if your mind will ever think differently!

And even if you did want to share your dilemma, you don’t know how to start, or what to say, or even how to convey the intensity of what you are thinking and feeling!  Who would understand you, who would know how to best help you, who would know how to make you feel better?  And are your problems real, are they valid and worthy to cause such distress, or is your pain being caused by you because you’re over-reacting, making a mountain out of a molehill, making a fuss about nothing!

I’ve lived with mental anguish most of my life, and thankfully survived the conflicts my mind has caused.  I honestly don’t know if that will ever change. However, I tend to try to live day by day now, and whereas each day was a bad day, for a long, long time, there are many better or even good days now, where life becomes precious once again! Until the next temporary depressive episode that is!

So when we face our darkest moments, even if there is one dominant, destructive voice we hear all the time, that tells us to do bad things, we have to remember that we have many voices in our head!  And if we look and listen for it, we may find the voice of intuitive reason, that tells us we are strong, the world is a safe place, we are worthy, and that we will find the happiness we seek once we start to take more positive action.

When we’re caught up in our turmoil, it’s hard to steady ourselves if we just focus on the problems of how we think, feel and our negative experiences. But when we have problems sharing our worrying thoughts, our pain creates a bubble of mental and emotional turbulence, that can negatively affect us on every level of our being.  When we feel overwhelmed by ourselves, life stand still!  We can get stuck, going deeper and deeper into the pit of despair (as per one of my previous blogs).  And if you can’t help yourself to find a way out of the darkness, you owe it to yourself to find someone who can help you do what you can’t!

There are very few people I am willing to trust with my deepest, most painful memories, meaning I’ve had to learn how to cope with my distress alone, learn how to tolerate who I am, learn to recognise the warning signs that indicate I am not safe to look after me! Yet because of this way of coping, I have become extremely resourceful!

I used to pray for peace of mind, as though there was some sort of miracle that could immediately take away all the worries pounding my mind!.  I know now that my mind is like a computer…if you try running too many programmes at once, it will crash!  So I monitor myself, to try to catch myself before I get too low.  And remember that even in our darkest moments we can learn from our experience.  As when we focus on that new learning, which is what we need to do differently in the future, we cut ourselves off from having to experience the pain of our past!

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At the beginning of this year I knew intuitively that this was going to be a testing year for us all.  I felt really strongly that 2012 would be a year when we would move where we needed to be, do what we needed to do, change what we needed to change.  A year where we would face challenges that would expose our deepest Self, as opposed to being hidden by our ego nature. And although I did feel apprehensive about what I would have to face, considering past experiences, I knew that often life takes control of our fate, and all we can do is deal with the fall-out!

Because we have to be ready for our next soul step,  facing the tribulations of change is an important factor in our preparation to find our authentic Self!  And even though I fully understand the concept behind …‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’,  changing has been so much harder than I envisaged.  Where every aspect of my personality has been challenged, and I’ve had to use every technique I know, to keep myself grounded, sane and functioning!  And whereas at times I feel alone, as I isolate myself away whilst trying to cope with my experiences, I know there are so many others who, like me, are also having a tough time!

When I see others suffering, I hurt also.  I want to help them, fix them, advise them, console them.  And because of this, trying to understand why life is so painful, in order to avoid it, has been one of my hardest tasks.  As what it means is that I can’t allow myself to collapse under the weight of my thoughts and emotions any more.  I have to observe and understand myself, and find a way to console my mind, emotions and soul!   I can’t allow myself to have any more breakdowns that take so long to recover from! I have to find a way to tolerate myself and experiences!  I can’t allow myself to keep beating myself up for what I think I should have done, but haven’t! I have to be strong because I’ve ‘something’ to do!

What that something is, has caused me so many nightmares I can tell you!  Because I’ve not been able to identify an area to help within, or commit myself to anything specific, whereby I’ve put so much pressure on myself to get out there – wherever that is, to do it – whatever it is, and to teach it – whatever….you get the theme I’m sure!  I’ve learned so much, changed so much, and yet nothing seems any different!  There is still the pain, the confusion, the wondering,  and agonising thoughts that try to convince me that something bad is going to happen to me or my loved ones.  Thoughts that stimulate the battle of survival in my mind!

And whilst I try to convince myself that the world is a safe place to be, reality proves that it’s not! There’s increasing war, conflict, destructive manipulation of society, financial collusion.  I won’t go on, you already know what I know about all that!  How can we feel safe, when people in authority care for their power, supremacy, profits, but don’t care about what happens to us?  But we have to learn how to find our safety switch within ourselves, otherwise we will be forever at the mercy of people who have the power to manipulate our welfare!

Not so long ago I had a dream, where I envisaged myself teaching others, specifically children, what I had learned through my own pain.  This aim somehow gave me a reason why life has been such a hard slog! I thought that if I could share my experiences and how I’d come through them, then I could help them avoid the same painful pitfalls I’d dropped into!   I feel sad that children have to experience the pain of growing up.  The bullying, the minimisation and manipulation, the confusion caused by innocent ignorance! I wanted to tell them about their untrustworthy emotions and thoughts, and how their mind lies to them.  I wanted them to see that if they did things differently than children of the past, their life might be easier to cope with! I wanted to explain the concept of inferior/superior, where others will want us to feel small/bad, so that they can feel big/good, and how we believe them!

But something has happened to me, and I’m not quite sure what it is!

Things have been pretty intense for me during the last year, (and what feels like forever), where family responsibilities have dominated, leaving little energy left for my creative nature to express itself.  I couldn’t commit myself to anything because I’ve been, and still am on permanent standby for ‘emergencies’.

Our thoughts create our reality, and so because my thoughts have been so one-sided on family matters, I feel somehow that I’ve forgotten so many things that I knew!  And this scares me.  Am I losing my mind to dementia, or becoming ‘crazy’ again?  Years ago spiritual practice commanded ‘Live for today, in the moment’.  Well that’s where I’m living now, and it feels weird!  As I don’t plan tomorrow, I rarely think about yesterday.  It feels that life is being lived on an ad hoc basis, where it’s ‘as and when’ that dominates.  And I honestly don’t know whether this is a good or bad thing!

I know that when we’re preoccupied with worry and anxiety, our mind blocks itself to other things, because the mind can only concentrate on one thing at a time.  So if I’m worrying so much about one specific area, then my mind shuts off other less important things.  This is how we become depressed – because we can’t see the light at the end of our tunnel of darkness!  When our mind is fixed in anxiety, it’s difficult to see clarity or feel hope, optimism, excitement!

Our fear and anxiety can debilitate us in so many ways.  And although we try to avoid it, the universe has a way of thrusting it directly in our face, so we have no option other than deal with it. But each anxious moment has given me the opportunity to learn more about how I’m coping with me, my thoughts, my emotions, my attitude!  And like everyone else, instead of overcoming it, I have to learn how to live with my fear – as it’s not going to go away as easily as we’d thought!

Life still feels challenging in so many areas, but I have learned to tame my over-reactive nature to the point where I’m feeling more confident about self-management and less fearful about what’s going to happen.  Meaning, surprisingly, that even though I still feel stressed-out,  I feel better, more hopeful, inside my heart centre.

I’ve not been writing for a while because I’ve lacked mental energy, and clarity about many things.  And to be honest I reached the stage of ‘What’s the point!’.  It’s really hard for me to write about my pain, as I’m so used to dealing with it alone, in my head.  Where I weigh it all up, analyse it, understand what aspects of me are self-sabotaging, before I can move on .  But writing does help me identify and resolve problems. It pacifies my creative and helping nature, so maybe I’d better do more of it…!

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Because spiritual influences are helping our soul evolve beyond our reactive ego personality, by encouraging us to identify, clarify, develop and live by authentic truth, we will find it harder to be consoled by our addictions and negative habits.  They won’t bring us so much satisfaction, so eventually we will get tired of being disappointed by them and seek other ways of coping with our inner stirrings. Meaning that if we make the effort to work constructively with our fear, by not making ourselves even more afraid as we deal with changes in our lives, we can break free of old habits that have kept us trapped within fear filled limitations.

And although this process can feel distressing, because we are letting go of our comforters, we have to remember it’s a positive process that’s designed energetically to set us free from our negative self, that imposes restrictions to our growth and happiness.

I hurt when I see so many people, young and old, struggling to cope with the constant bombardment of challenges being imposed upon us all. There was a time not so long ago, when we could identify with those whose life was working well.  We could console our fears by saying ‘If they can do that then so can I’.  Our young people could witness success and aspire themselves toward it. But it’s much harder to find normal people(if there are such entities any more) whose life is working well. In fact it’s becoming increasingly harder to find anyone who hasn’t got some form of struggle going on at the moment.  Meaning it’s going to feel more difficult to feel optimistic and okay about life in general, and our mood may become less buoyant!

I’m not naive enough to believe that EVERYONE is in turmoil at the moment. As I know problems are being caused by an energetic  shift, that means wealth is being redistributed away from the majority, who as a consequence struggle with financial problems and health issues caused by an overload of stress, and passed onto the minority whose lives are becoming increasingly prosperous, successful and fulfilling.  But there is money out there, enough for everyone.  So why is there such an increasing and overwhelming lack in our lives, when others have so much more than us – more than they could possibly need?  What is the purpose for this?

Well they say money goes to money, and I believe that’s true!  As there’s an energy link to money, that if connected to, will attract more money.  The problem is that fear interferes with this abundance link.  So the poorer we get, the more afraid we become, and the more we get separated from our ability to generate more money!  So, even if we are terrified of losing what we’ve got because we’ve not got enough money coming into our lives, we can, and must still have confidence in our ability to connect to the energy of financial abundance.

This means instead of focussing on what we haven’t got, which makes us more anxious, we use affirming statements such as….’I am now willing to allow money to enter my life from all sources’ or  ‘I now release the need to suffer from poverty and accept the abundance of money that is rightfully mine to receive’.  One of the most effective ways to connect to abundance energy, or disconnect from our restraining mind-sets, is to use EFT.  There are loads of scripts already out there if you Google or go to You Tube.

The main thing is not to let fear stop us from creating a better way of life for ourselves.  But if we focus on fear, we will become more afraid!  So, remember, even if you’re afraid of whatever, you can still be strong, creative and successful!

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Over the years I’ve discovered that life moves us through various traumatic stages that have a beginning and end.  The purpose of these stages is to help us grow and learn.  Although each stage may vary in length and intensity of issues, and level of disruption to our lives, each stage contains a main theme that runs throughout.  Which is the driving force and pivotal learning point of our experience, that if recognised and adhered to, will enable us to improve our personality, life and future.

And if we look for the bigger picture of humanity, by also looking inwardly at issues of friends and family, we may recognise how our central theme of that time is theirs too.  This mirroring acts as confirmation that we are indeed a global society on a global journey of learning, that can affect us all!

I’ve always been able to identify the different stages of my life, and see the opening and closing of each stage. Recently I recognised that another traumatic stage of my life had completed.  I felt relieved as I acknowledged how hard I’d been finding life for some time, and hoped the universe would allow me a resting stage to re-gather my strength and positivity before I faced the next step. But we can’t control some aspects of our growth, only learn to attend to them as soon as we can, in order to reduce discomfort and suffering caused because of them.  So, when troublesome events started to present themselves to me – along with rising discomforts, I quickly started to search for the meaning hidden behind them.

I’d been struggling to meet obligations I’d imposed upon myself, that catered for other’s needs, and put my life on hold because I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to focus on my issues. I realised this attitude meant I stayed stuck in the quagmire of frustration, anger, resentment, despondency and despair, that was hidden beneath my compassionate acts. But I’d become so embroiled in pushing myself to cope with family problems that felt overwhelming, that I’d closed my awareness off to my own needs, because I couldn’t cope with them as well as all the other things I had to do.

Self-denial and detachment crept in, but I didn’t acknowledge it because my needs were too much for me to cope with!

It was only when I received two requests for favours, one after the other from separate people, that truth finally hit me!  Initially when I refused their requests I started to beat myself up, as usual when I think I’m letting someone down.  But  once I straightened my thinking out, I allowed my indignance to guide me to what I needed to see more clearly.

I had to allow myself to stomp my feet (mentally not physically)and admit I didn’t want to commit my time and attention to helping anyone at the moment.  I had no energy left for me, as even though I did have some spare time, I wasn’t using it to replenish my energies or develop my business, because I felt so tired.  Yet even after all the self-development work I’d done, I still felt guilty about saying no! So, ‘What was this all about?’ I asked myself!

I learned about assertiveness years ago.  I understand it well, and believe me when I boldly say that I try to use my assertiveness power as and when it’s needed!  So why was this ‘NO’ issue rising again?  What was I missing?

Looking back over recent events and the predicament I felt I was in, I could see that saying ‘No’ was not just about refusing requests from others.  It was also about self-control, like saying ‘NO’ to the bars of chocolate I’d been consuming to quell my tiredness and despondency, and ‘No’ to the voices in my head that told me I deserved to have them.  It was about refusing to allow myself to beat me up any more for what I wasn’t doing, for what I had or hadn’t done!  It was about stopping myself from striving to meet my own and others unrealistic expectations of what can be achieved in limiting circumstances, and stopping to rest when I required respite.

It was about seeing how I’d taken on responsibility that I couldn’t cope with! I was trying to make things easier and better for others.  But though there were unavoidable tasks I had to perform, did I have to do SO much?  Did I have to do ‘EVERYTHING I COULD TO MAKE LIFE EASIER FOR OTHERS, AT THE EXPENSE OF MY OWN LIFE AND HEALTH?’

Why had I not seen, after all my experiences and traumatic times, that whilst I can support people in times of trouble, I cannot fix their lives – especially if I neglect my own? And why did I keep on trying so hard to protect other people from their life-changing problems?

Thus I realised how hard I’d been pushing myself.  And how much of myself I’d been denying!  No wonder I felt miserable, anxious and worried all the time! Didn’t I realise how our problems help us develop new skills.  Didn’t I know that facing our fear makes us stronger and wiser? Of course I did, I’m a counselling therapist! But did I really think I had to step in because my loved ones were so fragile, and they would die if faced with problems they felt they couldn’t handle?  Yes I did actually! A fear caused by past experiences that left their imprint upon my subconscious mind, which infiltrated my logic and distorted the reality of what is!  This is being dealt with now!

There are many who say if you reach for the stars you will touch them.  But we have to account for the fact that physical, mental and emotional needs will stop us in our track, if they are not met. And environmental and universal influences will negatively affect our energy when we are low, by making us feel more tired, listless and depressed.

If we feel overwhelmed it’s okay to ask for help! But if we don’t give ourselves what we need to survive, no-one else will. Everyone these days is trying to cope with their own stuff!  Meaning no one can help fix us, unless we take the time and make the effort to try to fix ourselves first!

‘NO’ is such a short sound.  But it has a huge meaning!  ‘No’ can save our lives and protect us, but it can also keep us confined in our stagnating comfort zone!  Saying ‘No’ means we can stand up for what we believe is right and proper.  But it can also promote our rebelliousness, that causes harm to ourselves or others!  Sometimes we say ‘No’ when we mean ‘Yes’ and vice versa, so if we want to get what we want and need, we have to ensure we say what we really mean.

I’ve decided to put my needs on par with others, for a time anyway, as I realise this is my life, with one chance to enjoy the benefits of being who I am.  Most importantly I’ve eventually accepted that it’s no good being a good Samaritan, if it kills you in the process.  Or use external substances to cope with painful emotions and life, but which destroy physical health!

So often we lose ourselves within our problems.  But regardless of how hard we try to avoid them, problems will keep rearing their ugliness at us. But if we don’t learn to say ‘No’ to things that will harm us, we will never be happy, healthy and fulfilled.

Learning to say ‘No’ means we can stand up and say …‘ I know what I need and make sure I get it’!  And even though it might take a bit of practice to get the ‘No’ in the right place at the right time, saying ‘No’ will enable us to regain our confidence, because we are aware that whilst we may not be able to escape the trials and tribulations that life throws at us, we know we always have the power to choose how we deal with situations, and our reactive, needy  self!

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