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Posts Tagged ‘Courage’

For those of you who are unaware, our energy is changing! We are evolving energetically, so that we humans can continue to exist within the universal higher dimensional frequencies of energy, that are changing the earth and all that it contains.

For those of you that are interested in energy, you will already know about the changes that are being cultivated within our solar system, that will affect our consciousness; which in turn will create changes to us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, as our consciousness changes and develops.

There are so many people giving their reports, ideas, channeled information etc., about what is happening now, I don’t feel it necessary to speculate further, as I don’t think I could add anything at this stage, seeing as I don’t fully understand the mechanical process.  But if you’re not familiar with current evolutionary energy changes, there’s plenty of information to be found on the internet, which may help you understand why so many of us are facing significant life changes, and feeling screwed up at the moment.

I suppose we could categorise those who are aware, and those who aren’t.  As those who are aware will recognise and understand the disruptive forces that influence their lives, personality, thoughts and feelings, and work energetically with them…whilst those who are unaware, may blame the bad way they feel on external forces, physical illness or mental/emotional instability.

Awareness is the key I guess…!

So, energetic changes are in force that are affecting everything about us!  Yet whilst we may think we don’t really comprehend the enormity of this process, our soul is geared up and ready to be set free, to live within an energy where it can breathe, expand, and just be…!

It…understands it all, as it has been waiting for this time to come! This is a wonderful thing to know isn’t it…?

There are many people who neglect their soul prompts – in fact they deny they have a soul…believing that if you can’t see it then it doesn’t exist!  But we all have a soul… a beautiful spiritual centre that is all-wise and all-knowing.  If only we could all embrace our soul…and each others…, life would be so much better!

All of us on this earth today have souls that are aware of the current changes we are facing.  And although we’re all on different pathways, and different levels of consciousness and understanding, we are all changing and evolving energetically, one way or another!  These changes are forcing us to think differently, to change our value system, to correct our inappropriate coping skills.  In fact, the changes are making life very difficult for us…because we’re being dragged out of our historical comfort zone.

All of us are – even you…and it hurts because it is scary…!

But whilst we struggle to stay emotionally intact, as we flounder within the disruption, we have to remember that the aim of these energetic prompts is to encourage us to become different – the aim is to change, not to get over whatever, return to how we was, and remain the same!  So we have to allow ourselves to grow! To be different! To think about life using a different, wider perspective!

Energy changes will eventually change us on all levels.  But if we resist by striving to remain as we were, life will feel increasingly uncomfortable.  So it’s better if we can go…with…the…flow…! That means that when we feel the impact of our fear, instead of running with our automatic fight or flight prompts that make us panic, react or hide away, we breathe deeply, calm ourselves down, and reassure ourselves that life goes on – even though we don’t fully understand how.

Then, once we relax into our personal changes – without fearing them, and we’ve allowed ourselves freedom from our ego limitations, our mind and consciousness will start to open up to the new possibilities that lie before us… Meaning we may start to remember who we really are and what we really know.

AND I KNOW…REALLY TRULY, DEEP DOWN KNOW, THAT WE KNOW SO MUCH MORE THAN WE THINK WE DO…!

Access to the ancient unconscious is slow because it has been so deeply buried.  But we are changing aren’t we?…Becoming free from constraints that have kept us believing we are a mere human with limited powers.  Soon though, we will start to remember the truth…!

I want to write more, but my mind is reluctant to allow information to flow at the moment.  This is okay – it’s been a challenging few weeks and my mind is tired, where I’ve been trying to ‘work it all out’…!  It’s part of the process, so I can relax with it – even though it’s frustrating when my creativity gets blocked.  However, I know it will eventually pass.  Until then, for now, this is all I have to offer you today…!

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This YEARNING feeling can cause us so many problems, pushing us to do this or that, and sometimes freezing us in our tracks because we don’t know what to do next to pacify it and ourselves.

A lot of the time we can translate the guiding message from our yearning, and accomplish a goal that provides a sense of satisfaction. Other times the yearning feeling persists, and can feel overwhelming, as nothing we search for seems to fit what the yearning needs!

Sometimes the yearning is so persistent and strong, it feels as though nothing will make it go away…this increases our anxiety and fear thinking, encouraging us to believe we’re not good enough, we’re running out of time, we’ll never find what we’re looking for…because we don’t know what it is, etc.

For years I’ve tried to tame my YEARNING, which often causes a deep pain in my heart centre.  It can be placated for a short time, then it’s back…relentless!  I’ve tried to explain it in so many ways, grief, frustration, sadness, disappointment, overwhelm, but whilst it can be contributed to by all of these, and other feelings, I think the only thing that really resonates with me is the concept that the deep pain within me is being driven by my soul, in it’s attempts to free itself from my ego!

… My soul wants to be free, my ego fear keeps it imprisoned!

This means I can work with the YEARNING, as I would any other intrusive emotion, by using it as a guide to challenge outdated or dysfunctional thinking patterns, confirm that I’m being truthful to myself and others, identify what’s really bothering me….you know the self-help story I’m sure!

As this yearning creates a rise in adrenalin, we can feel compelled to do something as we enter the fight and flight response.  When we haven’t got a goal to aim for, because nothing feels right to do, the adrenalin has nowhere to go, and we can feel as though we are imploding inside.

Calming this adrenalin is an important part of how we learn to be less reactive, and can help us identify how much control we actually have over our mind and emotions.

Freeing our soul, using our creativity, is a painful process for many. We are in a stage of evolution where our consciousness is moving toward a different higher dimension.  This transition is causing huge problems for us as old outdated patterns, fears, concepts and relationships, rise for us to release before, and as they are falling away.

It is said by many that this is the start of the new world, where love will be the energy we utilise to create our life, rather than the ego fear which we have been historically conditioned into.  How great would that be?

Life is changing for us all, and so much of our future is now unknown.  But the one thing that is consistent in all of this is that we are all part of God’s energy.  And once we can find a way to remain in that special ‘love’ state that the connection with universal God provides, I think our yearnings will cease to cause us so many problems.

So if you are struggling with your life at the moment, just try to go with the flow, and relax the ‘what if’s…!  You’ve come a long way in quite a short time…and, because you have become more self-aware, if you was getting things wrong you would eventually know and be able to correct your actions, as you’ve done in the past!

So my advice would be to relax, create, enjoy as much as you can. As us humans have still got lots of work to do before we arrive at our next destination!

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Life brings challenges in all forms, that we have to somehow find a way to cope with. But it’s not always easy.  And when we lose our positive/negative balance in life, it’s not uncommon for feelings of hope and optimism to become overwhelmed by feelings of frustration and despair, that increase our fears about the future.

Our mind is filled with ways to protect ourself because we’ve lived a reality that’s governed by oppression, repression and suppression.  Yet we yearn to be free!  We yearn for the freedom to have what we want, do what makes us happy, and to feel a peace inside that lets us know that all is well in our world, and that we’re okay, even though turbulence is all around us!

Historically our existence has been structured around the search to achieve something that’s missing from our life, leading us to embark on a quest to satisfy the void we feel internally. However, whilst in the past we’ve nominated something or someone to fix our disquiet, we’re now starting to realise that our empty internal space can’t always be consoled by factors that make us feel financially secure or physically acceptable!

So although we still seek ways to survive our negative feelings, we’re now looking for something different, something that money can’t buy.  Now we’re looking for ways to feel complete!!

It’s still unclear whether this completeness comes from simply being in control of ourselves! Regardless, we must allow ourselves to challenge how we think. As whilst we continue to allow ego to determine our logic, we will be led back into the old way of life that is self-destructive, because it’s governed by our illogical need to avoid fear!

Humans are creative, energetic beings. So when we worry and no resolution is apparent, anxiety drives us to focus on what we don’t have or what we can’t do. Thus, when we face problems, unless we learn to monitor and control our thinking, we can find ourselves locked into feelings of powerlessness that cause us to stagnate in frustration, anxiety and anger….

Creating even more problems, because we’re fighting a battle that can’t be won, simply because we don’t understand the creative, but sometimes destructive power we have access to!

The clarity of our intuitive mind has become dulled by our need to be in control.  We need to feel safe, so we do what we must to ensure this, by being on constant mental alert so we can fix anything that takes us outside of our personal comfort zone!  However, this way of operating means our mind is filled with chaotic, conflicting messages that evoke fearful emotions, that in turn promote fear-filled thinking.

In other words, our mind is a tangled web of self-deceit, that we have created because we are afraid of everything!

Many like myself, believe that when we are fully aligned with the universe and our spiritual Self is firing on all levels, we will become authentically whole. And so can utilise the full force of our creative nature to manifest what we need, simply by thinking about it! The problem is, we have evolved within an erroneous logic, where what we believe as true, may prove to be false and vice versa!

We don’t really understand our energy or power yet. But we know we have a battleground in our mind, where every emotion has dominating thoughts associated to it, that can affect us negatively or positively, depending on how we mentally and emotionally react to the way we feel.  So it’s already clear that when we are in distress, our mind can become overloaded with reactive thoughts we struggle to control or understand!

And to make matters worse, our ego personality is not a singular unit. It has many aspects we’ve created over lifetimes, each with a voice that distorts our judgement by making us feel that we’re better or worse than others, that we’re a loser or a winner when we’re not, and we are more or less than we should be!

However, once we enter a dimensional reality that opposes our ego-logical mind, our rules of existence are challenged by the intangibility of spiritual reality, meaning the logic that has kept us safe collapses, and so does our ego-personality, causing us to flounder in the depths of the unknown! But even though we are in the throes of evolution, which will eventually change our world – for the better we hope, we are unprepared for this process!

The information we receive in our mind comes in the form of thoughts and images, which we interpret according to our understanding of life.  The problem is, we can’t correctly interpret  information we receive intuitively, until we learn to differentiate information from our logical mind, our egotistical personalities, entity attachments, or wisdom from higher spiritual sources.

But as spiritual intangibility conflicts with our logic, once our mind opens to higher consciousness and we become more ‘psychic’, the battle in our mind will increase.  As there will be more voices, thoughts, influences and images flitting through our mind, that we will have to process mentally! Therefore, as we evolve into higher consciousness, our real problem then becomes how to identify what voice in our head is speaking the truth.

Where trying to make sense of the logical and spiritual worlds as they merge, can send our mind reeling, as we struggle to comprehend unfamiliar mental experiences and cope with physical energetic changes!

However, one thing is for certain….

Because we have entered a stage of evolution that affects us physically, mentally and emotionally, it’s impossible for us to carry on as we are spiritually!

And whilst we may resist anything that causes a disruptive influence to our comfort zones, changes in universal energy are purposefully designed to implement energetic healing that will restore, repair and regenerate earth energy. A natural phenomenon, that whilst causing chaos and destruction to our historical and habitual existence, will nevertheless bring balance to an imbalanced situation called LIFE!

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I’m sure I’m not the only person asking themselves ‘Who Am I?’ at this moment in time, where as the pressure of futility increases, due to Christmas being just around the corner, we wonder what’s happened to our life.  How did we end up where we are?  As regardless of how hard we’ve tried to change or how much cutting-back we’ve done, lack of money and ever-increasing bills to pay, is still causing problems for so many, including me.  And although we may use relaxation and self-help techniques to help us cope with our rising stress, we are still highly stressed, because of the way we feel about us, our life, and our future!

To be honest, it feels like things will never change, and they could even get worse, as there’s no signs of improvement to global financial problems that affect each of us.  And to top it all, we’ve got ascension energy pushing and shoving us into emotional and mental places we’ve tried to avoid, in order to release latent emotional energy that we’ve held on to for too long. Causing frightening physical symptoms that worry us even more!

Wowee!! … What a ride, as internal and external pressure  causes havoc to our energy! And regardless of whether you believe in all of this energetic stuff or not, the pressure is still really intense!!

However, whilst our human problems appear so overwhelming to us, we should realise that our problems are not the main issue here.  As planetary, energetic, and spiritual influences are affecting us also, where there is a merging of elements taking place that will create significant changes to our future.  With an ultimate transformational purpose that is designed to protect us from self-destruction. Hard to believe?  Yes of course it is!  But how do we know it’s not true?

My guidance tells me it’s about ‘Healing the heart of man’, and that helps me to realise that change will be a good thing for us.  Yet I find it incredible that this is the time when evolutionary changes manifest, that will eventually change our lives forever! So many of our ancestors have been wiped out in the past, during this process.  Is this REALLY the time when we do it differently?  Where we change before it’s too late! What an amazing thought that is!!

I often wonder about our future, and the world as it may be someday.  It’s hard to imagine the new, prophesised world, where love and compassion are the fierce energetic prompts that guide our thoughts, feelings and actions. We’ve all been hurt so much by each other, throughout our existence, that we’ve been conditioned to accept pain as an inevitability of life.  But this is not how it should be!  And yet if this is all we’ve known, or remember, then how can we know how to create the necessary changes that will sustain life and happiness, instead of destroying it? But maybe this responsibility doesn’t fall just on our shoulders.  Maybe there is a higher universal intelligence that can help us do what we need to do!

I’ve communicated with the Sirian High Council, the Pleidian Elders, Lemurians and Atlanteans, as well as others.  I’ve also communicated with God energy, angels, guides, entities etc.  But how do I know these are true and real, as they are in my mind?  How do I know I’m not insane when I converse with these beings from afar?  And yet their influences have helped me so much, to understand how to survive this world!  So I believe there is help from these sources!  And yet it doesn’t really matter whether I believe in them or not does it?

As regardless of our circumstances, and who we are, one thing is for certain.  We’re already changing – we are not the people we once were.  Our life is different, our ambitions are different, and our future is not the one we were planning on. So because we’ve lost the ‘old picture’ we had created in our mind, about who and what we would become, it can feel as though we’ve lost our identity, or we are dying.  When the reality is that we’ve lost sight of who we are, because we, as we once were, are no more! And believe it or not, this is a good thing!

Basically what’s happened is that because we’ve had no option other than confront or control our rising fear, caused because of external to us circumstances, we have broken through the protective barrier that the ego had created.  Which kept us isolated, small, defensive and afraid.  We were reactive to a lot of things, but now we know, from our futile experiences of over-reacting, that when the tables are turned against us, we should and can stand steady and strong.  Knowing that in time, somehow, we will find the answers we need, the strength we lack, and the motivation to move ourselves beyond our stuck points, to a more comfortable life position. In other words, instead of running with our fear, we learn to trust that we can help ourselves in better ways!

It’s common knowledge that the Mayan calendar ends soon, which because of our linear thinking leaves us fearing the worst.  But now, because something is ending and we can’t see the beginning of anything new, we get anxious, feel vulnerable and start to panic about what’s going to happen to us and our world! There are those who foretell disasters, doom and gloom – even the end of the world!  But I don’t believe any of that, although the world as we know it will undoubtedly change, which could be symbolised as an ending.  Not before time I would add, as I know there has to be a better way to live our life, than the way most of us live now, where we struggle to survive against the turning tides of those in power, who have brought us to our knees.

But guess what!  We are stronger than they think!  We are braver than they anticipated!  And our heart and soul is getting ready to challenge those who want to keep us frozen in fear!  We want our life back, we want to be free not only from our anxiety and worry, and politics that squeeze the breath out of us.  But mostly we want to be free from our own fear, because we now know that this is the thing that upsets us the most.  And because we are human, we will make it happen eventually, now that we are starting to accept that we have the power to change how we feel – at will! (This is true by the way!).

Many foretell of a new energy reaching earth, that will take us on to a different dimensional level of being.  Which as a consequence of existing within a higher vibration, will enable us to become more intuitive.  We will be able to see the truth of life, and value what really matters.  There are many thousands, if not millions of people who have already reached this level, because they’ve spent their time developing their Selves, pursuing peace instead of conflict, freedom instead of control! But there’s many more who still have work to do in this area, if they want their life to improve! Where the choice at the moment is ours – live in fear, or find a way to manage and disperse any fearful prompts that disrupt our energetic balance.

When we’re afraid, we look for solutions to our problems and often fail to recognise that life is becoming a prison of misery. As when we feel deprived of what we need, over a long period of time, we can end up believing we don’t deserve anything other than what we’ve got.  We lose our confidence, our drive to succeed, our dreams and aspirations!  And we forget who we are, as we believe we are nothing!  Our energy is low, we lack enthusiasm, we get depressed, angry and upset, because we lose hope that things will ever change for us!

If what I’m describing seems familiar to you, then I know you have suffered like I have!  I’ve tried for many years to work out the best way to live, to survive financial, emotional and mental crisis!  I’ve also had quite a few traumatic spiritual experiences as well, but that story can wait for another day, for now!  The point is our suffering was not for nothing!  It was all about the energetic transformation process that is happening now!

About nine  years ago, whilst I was laying in bed one night, I saw an image of the earth in my room, in front of my window.  Regardless of whether my eyes were closed or open, the green and mauve image remained. I wondered if I was dreaming or becoming psychotic, and so pinched myself, stood up and went out of the room, returned and sat on the bed.  The image was still there!  As I watched with bated breath, not knowing what was going to happen next, fire started to rise at the back of the earth, flames burning high, spreading all around it.  I was scared and didn’t know what this meant, but knew I had to keep watching as the flames engulfed the earth!

Shortly after that, as the flames started to die down, another image appeared underneath the burning earth.  This highly coloured scene showed people rejoicing, dancing, clapping.  People were happy!  And as I tried to make sense of this vision, I remembered the violet flame of transmutation and so felt that this was a sort of re-assurance, that once I’d changed my life, I would be happy.  The images disappeared, but I’ve never forgotten them!

Over the last few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about this experience and it’s relevance to now.  At the time I thought it was just about me and my life.  Now I’m wondering if this vision was not just about preparing me for the future, but letting me know this is about all humanity.  That once we are destroyed egotistically, we are reborn into the future of our dreams!

Although hard, and though it may feel impossible at times, we have to allow ourselves to change, to fall, to rise, to grow!  We can’t do this when we are safe, so it’s okay to be afraid when faced with change, as we have to feel our fear, we have to confront our demons and let them go, because a re-birth is about to happen, and we need to be ready to step into a new human role that corrects our problems rather than causing them!

There’s talk about a miraculous ‘Second Coming’, of someone whom we could trust to lead us out of the darkness.  But if we still don’t recognise our true power of creation, this blind faith would simply lead us right back into the transformational fire we’re trying to escape from!  Following those in power is not the answer – we should know that by now, shouldn’t we? They are the ones who got us in this shit in the first place!  Now we, WE, have to motivate ourselves to stand up, take responsibility for our creative yet destructive power, and lead ourselves to a better, different life!

There is no quick, simple, panacea for doing this successfully at the moment!  I only wish it was that easy! It takes courage to not run away from our fear, and perseverance, patience to come through our bad times!  But come through them we must, and will – just like my vision all those years ago!  Where even though we can’t see the bigger picture, we must trust that a safe, loving, happy world is there, and that we will get the chance to enjoy it in this lifetime!

I know now that each experience that made me afraid has been for a reason!  I wanted to be comfortable, feel safe and content.  My soul knew otherwise though!  It had a job to do, to keep me on my toes, to allow myself to fragment, to break into small pieces that I could choose to discard during my emotional and mental recovery!  My soul has nudged me on my pathway, when I felt so abandoned and alone.  Where many times, as my stability crashed, so did I!

So when I ask myself now ‘Who am I?’, I can answer, without fear….I am Chrissie Batten, I have a soul, a will, courage, strength (although I don’t always feel it).  And I have a fragmented ego, that has lost it’s power over me, meaning I am in control of me.  Mmmm…well, that’s not totally true yet, but I’m starting to have hope that things will change!

Yes, I’ve got hope for me – no aspirations mind, or clear visions for the future. Just a little hope and trust that all is meant to be as it is, for a really good reason – to preserve human life, to have peace in our minds and heart.  To be loved and to love, and to be glad to be alive!

What about you though…regardless of how you were in the past, who are you now?  When you ask yourself ‘Who am I?’, what answers come from your heart?  What answers come from your mind?  How have you changed? Look closely through an open mind, and I’m sure you will find you’ve come a lot further than you thought!

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Following my previous post   ‘If It Wasn’t For This Confusion!’, I’ve recognised that whilst struggling to identify where I should be going and how I can earn money to pay bills, I’ve also identified  how much time I’m spending fighting myself versus others.  Because whilst I yearn to do something for me or my cause, other commitments that involve vulnerable family members, take me away from focussing on what I would like to be doing. Where my time, energy and attention is prioritised upon their needs, not mine!

But when I look back at my life, I see that’s how it’s always been!  As there’s always something or someone more important than me that merits my time and attention, regardless of whether it’s completing a task for the house, other people, work, whatever!  So whilst I’ve attended to my survival needs, including self-medicating on addictions to cope with my stress, my creative needs have been given little opportunity to manifest in the past, because they’ve not been recognised as priority by myself or others!  How sad is that! And the worrying thing is I’m still doing it, still following the same pattern of self-exclusion!

As a counselling therapist, I’m strongly in favour of accepting responsibility for ‘Self-Accountability’, as that promotes feelings of power and control over ourself.  So analysing myself has become part of my daily routine, as it helps me stay on top of ego prompts that try to mislead me.  It doesn’t worry me that I see my faults, as if I don’t see them how can I correct them?  Also, if I strive to ignore faults in my personality that hide the ‘real me’, then how will I ever find the courageous  and wise personality that will lead me to become all I was destined to be?

However, I’ve had to take a closer look at what I’m doing at the moment.  As I know I’m getting older and the time is getting closer when I must make changes to access the potential of my soul, so that I can fulfil my life purpose. But though I’ve got internal prompts that push me toward focussing on my direction, I find it so difficult to pull myself away, or split myself into even smaller pieces, when people I love need a high level of support at the moment.

Self-awareness is a magnificent tool for self-development, as long as we remain centred and objective, and don’t creep into the ego, which compels us to start viewing ourselves from a negative position of good, bad, right or wrong – which can lead to self-destructive tendencies.  So because I feel so much internal conflict inside of me, I know I’ve been missing something, a way of thinking I need to correct.

We all have responsibilities we have to attend to, that take our time and energy.  Meaning some things we enjoy doing, such as hobbies, have to somehow squeeze in-between other commitments.   But I’m sure there are others like me, whose life seems dominated by outside commitments, where at times, in fact most of the time, there is little time or energy left to do what we want.

When we have a soul desire, we often fail to prioritise it because the feelings it evokes, as we envisage the outcome, brings us pleasure, satisfaction and fulfilment.  We’re more likely to attend to things that create anxious or fearful feelings to rise, in order to stop our pain.  But just like other impulses, when we ignore or resist soul-drives, they get stronger and more persistent until we acknowledge them, and take necessary actions to accommodate or heal them. So where does that leave me, and how do I determine the best, most appropriate route for prioritising my time, effort and energy?

Some of you are aware that my mums partner Ron, aged 76, broke his neck in October last year.  And although we’ve almost lost him many times, he’s still with us, and is now in the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital at Stanmore, Middlesex, which has proved to be a wonderful, caring environment for such distressing health problems.  Whilst Ron has regained most of his mobility, he’s left with disabilities that mean he will probably have to permanently live in a nursing home, once he leaves Stanmore.

My mother Dolly, aged 85, is disabled with a debilitating condition that makes standing and walking very difficult.  Her breathing is also affected by COPD. Ron used to help her in many ways.  Since he’s not been around she has to manage daily life by herself, with the help of myself, my husband, my sister and aunt. And although I’ve now organised a cleaner, gardener, and local handyman for her, everyday existence is becoming increasingly difficult, because she is in constant pain and what she really needs is constant care!

Even though I’m stressed out, I count my blessings every day! I’m grateful my mum and Ron are still with us and  I’m grateful I’ve got the ability, health and strength to do what little I can do to help them. Even though they’ve each got so many problems they worry about, they still laugh and show an interest in what’s happening in the world.  And whilst I’m really worried about my life and what will become of me if I don’t find a way to express my talents – because of the internal pressure it’s causing me, I also look at them, Dolly and Ron.  And I have to ask ‘What about them?’. Can I really put myself before them?

Ron’s having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact he won’t be able to return home, because his flat is on the first floor and he won’t be able to manage the stairs.  He thinks we don’t care about him anymore because he can’t return to his flat, and he’s been in hospital all this time (he thinks we’ve let him stay there, meaning he also thinks we could have got him out).  His limited perception means he can’t see the real reason things are happening to him, and so his mind is confused.  He is resistant to change.  He wants things to return to how they were before his accident. And as he’s now become institutionalised within the hospital, which is now his comfort zone, moving anywhere terrifies him!  Everyday he sits and worries about money, mum, how he can get back to his flat, what the doctors and nurses do or don’t do with, or for him. He has no real concept of how he will be restricted by his disability though, as he sees himself as ‘back to normal’ even though he clearly isn’t! Yet he doesn’t sit there whining or moaning all the time, when we visit.  He’s just grateful we are there with him, in that little space of time!

My mum strives to remain independent and it upsets her that she can’t do many things she used to.  Her mind is still all there thank God. But that means she can see the reality of her situation.  She knows her body is failing and she needs more hospital checks, more treatment that she needs our help to get. Her life must change!  She is scared about what is going to happen to her and the pressure her care is imposing upon us, the family! She worries about us, and what’s going to happen to Ron!  She worries about how we’re all going to cope with her and Ron’s needs in the future!  She spend most of her days alone with her television.  But apart from her occasionally mentioning ‘the pain was bad today’, or she’s ‘had enough of living this way’, you never hear her moan about her lot!  She’s just really grateful that she’s got the help she’s got!

So whilst I’m having to deal with a lot of matters on their behalf, experiencing frustration caused by bureaucratic rules, decisions about the future, form-filling, social workers, and Havering Borough Council (which I’m currently infuriated with), I’ve been worrying and moaning about what I haven’t got!  I haven’t got enough money to pay my bills! I haven’t got the time or impetus to promote myself or my work, which means I can’t earn the money to pay my bills.  I haven’t got the time or energy to do more for my mum, to spend every day sorting out her life, to visit Ron more at Stanmore, to making his life easier when he denies he has a problem!  I haven’t the confidence now to go out and give talks about what I know, to those who need my help!  I sometimes wonder if I’ve got the energy to be all I’m meant to be!  Maybe that’s the stumbling block to my success!

I see how I’ve been causing extra distress by not going with the flow. Where I’ve created resistance because I’ve been trying to priorities ‘fix-it’ needs, ignoring my desires by believing that once I sort out current problems, there will be a clear space for me to do what I want.  But the problems never stop do they? Which means that as problems are on-going, there will never be that clear space I’ve been seeking, for as long as I can remember!

So, I’ve decided that I’m expecting too much of myself, so must change my thought process – again!  If I was working with a client who was presenting the same situation as mine, I would help them find a way to do a little of everything they needed and wanted to do.  I would encourage them not to make vital decisions during such stressful times, but to ensure they worked toward their preferred goals.  I would encourage them to consider their needs as important as others, and to make sure if there are priority lists, their name and agenda is listed on it, not put off or delayed until the time is right!  So I must practice what I preach!

Even though I’ve ignored my needs for a long time, I’m not prepared to ignore the needs of my mum and Ron! I hate to see them suffering!  However, I am a product of my own neglect and now realise that whilst I strive to help others, instead of allowing the battle for priority to commence between them and me, I must fight to ensure we all get some of what we need – including me!  So I’m looking at what I can do now.

I can still juggle my finances somehow, for a time anyway! I can still help others when I can!  I can still say ‘NO’ when I’ve had enough!  And even though I’m not earning money through my work, I can still help others in various ways!  I can still write articles and blogs.  I can still create!  I can still learn something I didn’t know before!  I can still love and accept myself, others and life! I can still remember to be me and live my life in ways I choose, that make me feel happy and fulfilled!

I’m hoping that once I stop beating myself up for not doing more(which is driven by the ‘be perfect’ need that creates resistance), and allow myself to do what’s needed at the time(which will allow my anxiety to reduce), my energy will feel better.  And if I resist focussing on what I can’t do because of the stress I’m under,  I’m hoping my creative spirit will find its way to the surface, and allow my soul to lead me directly to the people I can help, in order to earn the money I need to survive!  As I endorse the ‘Everything is in perfect order’ belief, maybe that’s what this time of my life has been all about.  I’ll soon find out – wish me luck, please!

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Just after I published my previous post about breakdown, someone asked me to clarify the statement included below, so that is what this article today will be about. I would state beforehand, that I’m not writing as an expert on spiritual matters.  What I am doing is briefly relating what I’ve learned because of what happened to me….

“….Another cause of breakdown is when we seek entry into the spiritual realms, where our vulnerable consciousness is unprepared for the force of negative energy that we expose ourselves to, when we open our mind to the unknown spiritual forces that exist”….

I felt disillusioned that spirit was not all about love and light, as I’d believed. As my experiences showed a side of spirit I thought only existed in horror movies!  I won’t be describing those here. Only pointing out that once we start working with higher dimensions and higher consciousness, and enter into unknown spiritual realms that contain more species, good and bad, than we could possibly envisage, we can be propelled into mental experiences we are unprepared for!

Spirituality has many illogical aspects to it.  Such as miracles that happen, spiritual  beings that manifest to warn, help or heal us.  Even the fact we can communicate with dead people and entities, can be classed as unbelievable by those who doubt.  I’m not saying it’s wrong to doubt anything, as discernment is our saviour.  But humans are a composite form of mental, emotional, physical and spiritual energy.  Yet whilst we accept all other aspects, there is suspicion about our spiritual nature.  But why must it still be like this, when our spiritual nature can provide so much assistance to help us cope with physical life!

We can’t see our thoughts or painful emotions, yet we know they are real because we experience them, even if we don’t fully understand, accept or validate them.  This is what it’s like when we communicate with the spiritual world. We transmit and translate through our higher mind. So I guess this is the problem… communication is conducted intuitively through the mind, so has to be channelled, interpreted and passed on to others by the receiver.  So if we can’t see or hear what they do, how do we know they are telling the truth?

Charlatans are eager to take our money, and mediumship provides an easy way to do this because it’s individualistic, un-provable nature, can fool many.  So we have to be selective about where we place our trust regarding these matters. But what happens when we seek spiritual truth through our own higher mind.  And make contact with discarnate people, entities, angels, monsters etc., whose images fill our enquiring, yet fearful mind, stimulating fearful egotistical thoughts because we can’t seem to control what we see or think.  How do we decide what is true, what is real or imaginary? Because images extend beyond the logical parameters of tangibility, stimulating our fear responses, how do we know whether we are imagining these things, really communicating with higher intelligence, having a mental breakdown or simply going insane?

Our logical mind determines our truth and reality.  So if something doesn’t meet our criteria for being real, we question its existence. Often relying on views of other people to determine the validity of what we’ve seen, regardless of our feelings about it.  Because of ego influences, we often find it difficult to admit we’re wrong or different from others.  If others are unable to validate what we perceive, we may then go on to judge our perception as wrong, or visions imaginary, even if they’re not.  So there are those who hear, see or sense the spiritual world, but deny it because no-one else can see what they do.  This can lead the individual to believe they are hallucinating, terrorising them into the world of mental illness and all that it contains.  Whereas if their visions could be validated and accepted, they could find a way to work logically with them.

Once we start crying out to God for help, soul-searching, meditating, contacting our guides, channelling information etc., we open our mind beyond our logical parameters, and enter a dimensional reality that has different rules to the physical world.  We make contact with spiritual beings and higher dimensions through our higher consciousness.  We open our senses and our mind! We hear with our internal ears, we see through our inner eyes, and every physical sense is activated, as we prepare to feel any communication that proves we are being heard. Some people don’t see, but sense through the way they physically feel.  Others can hear. Some people can see, hear  and sense.  Whatever, the communication is conducted through the persons own mind, where most of the time no-one else sees the same images, hears the same voices or feels exactly the same, for the same reasons.

There are different ways we prove that communication is real.  A touch, a sound, a feeling.  So when we do find a way to ‘make contact’, and get proof that someone or something on the other side is responding, we naturally want to communicate more. So we reduce our protective nature, and allow our energy to become more sensitive. We open our mind and senses more, so we can gain access to more on other dimensions!  Where eventually, if we’re not careful, we start to feel ‘elation’ that we’re living in both worlds, thus without an anchor to keep us steady.

This is when we become most vulnerable, because we’re dealing with the unknown spiritual world, but allowed our logical mentality, which keeps us protected, to subside!  The problem is that not all beings on other dimensions are friendly and nice.  As some of them are distressed, angry or just plain psychopathic.  For some reason their soul has remained afloat after their physical departure, and although in the world of spirit, they’ve not received the healing they need, so still retain their physical personality and emotional defects. We believe, we trust, we fear! Thus, because we’ve opened our energy to the spiritual world, we’re like victims of slimy-handed pickpockets in a crowded market place, leaving our valuables on display to be stolen.

When working with higher consciousness, we have to learn that images are real on that level. That’s why visualisation therapy is so helpful – its reality enables us to create change, and expands our ability to manifest. But as we’re still working through our conscious mind, our egotistical fear, and unconscious mind are still in play.  Where as we explore higher dimensions, visions in the spiritual world can stimulate ego prompts that evoke fearful images and concepts from the conscious and unconscious mind, that become mingled  together. Meaning we have to understand that whilst visions in our mind may not be totally real, there are some elements that are, so we have to work out true reality!

Many people have been helped and reassured by spirit communication.  And although I’ve been helped so much over the years by loving guides, I didn’t understand the rules  of energetic world that connects everything to everything else. Most mediums I know have no real problems with the spiritual world.  And I honestly don’t know why I’ve had such a hard time.  I used protective techniques, I called upon my guides and God for help.  I did what I thought I had to do, in order to stop attracting negative energy and entities toward me.  I pray things are different now though, as whilst I feel compassion for lost souls who linger out there, my sanity is more important to me.  So whereas before I’d disregard how I felt and put their welfare first, by working with them to my detriment, if helping means compromising my energy, I will put myself first and run for safety!

I think it’s probably a good time to relate one experience here, which happened to me nearly twenty years ago.  And regardless of whether you choose to believe it, I can assure you that although I was depressed, I was not psychotic.  I was awake, it was not a dream or vision, but a real, tangible happening, that for some reason was to become just one of many that I had to learn to deal with and understand…

Laying in bed one night, feeling terribly depressed, just like many other nights I called out to God, begging… ‘Please help me.  Tell me who my guides are so I can call on them to help me.  Dear God, help me feel better!’.  Suddenly from just above me, to the right, I heard a ‘Whoosh’ sound, and saw a large hand emerge out of nowhere.  As the hand opened in the darkness of the room, I saw that it held a large white egg in its palm.  Though stunned, I felt elated!  God had finally heard my cries of despair and was giving me a gift. I reached out my hand and took the egg that was being offered to me.  I could feel its shell, but when I examined it more closely I saw two large holes in it. The hand and the egg disappeared. But as I lay contemplating this miraculous manifestation, I felt disappointed about the broken egg! ‘Why was it broken?’ I wondered, as I lay in bed, trying to come to terms with what I’d just experienced.  I pinched myself to make sure I was awake, and looked around the room to make sure I was still where I should be. Suddenly I felt something touching my breasts.  As I looked down in disbelief I could see and feel my flesh moving underneath my nightdress, as though hands were groping me.  But there was no other human in the room! As the groping became more intense I tried to move but couldn’t.  I didn’t know what to do, as I didn’t know what the hands would do to me next, and in sheer terror I screamed out loudly ‘Fuck off…leave me alone’, repeating it a few times before the groping finally stopped.  I didn’t sleep for a week after that!

Seems far-fetched doesn’t it.  Regardless, this happened to me!  I didn’t imagine it happened!

We live according to human rules, which we ignore or deviate from if we choose.  But when we enter into higher consciousness, there are strict energetic, universal laws that come into play, that will never change, regardless of how much we try to prise them one way or another.  The law of attraction dictates that like attract like, so needy people who seek solace through the spiritual world, will attract needy spiritual beings on other dimensions.  If you are angry, depressed, proud or whatever, when channelling you will most certainly draw spirits toward you that match your agenda.  This is no accident, as dealing with the troubled spirit allows healing and learning for both parties, according to the law of reaction which states ‘What you give you get!’.

When we do make contact with a spirit, and it tells us things, we should remember not to trust them until we get to know them better, and have proven their help is actually helpful to us.  As whilst there are beautiful guides available to help us, the spiritual world contains both light and dark entities, just like good and bad humans on earth.  Meaning there are some dark spirits out there who want to con us, because they want something from us.  Namely our energy!  Because when they can nestle like a parasite into our energy field, they can survive using our power.  Where eventually as they become stronger, they try to overtake our personality and live our life as their own.

You may think your guides will help, the angels will protect you.  But are you sure your guides are working for the highest good?  And are you experiencing your own feelings – or are you picking up on the feelings of an earthbound entity that has attached itself to you, because you’re feeling as bad as it, where like attracts like!

It’s a wonderful experience when we make contact with the energy of an angel, or higher spiritual guide.  Their sublime energy embraces you as you feel the warmth of their touch, or sense their presence, or  hear their words of comfort in your mind.  But it’s a different matter when you are touched by a dark entity, whose craftiness and despairing need clings on to your energy, sapping your strength and will.  The problem is, if you are already over-burdened, you may not even recognise the deepening depression, the extra-anxiety, the intensifying  feelings of heaviness on your shoulders.  You may think it’s just you!

If ever I’m in doubt, I close my eyes, put my attention to my mind, and say this out loud three times…

‘I ask my higher guides to remove all negative energy/entities from my energy system’.

I then try to sense energy rising upwards, from my body, leaving through the top of my head.  Try it whenever you feel low, see what you think!

We can choose to develop our sensitivity to such a level that we can feel other people’s pain.  We can hear their thoughts before they acknowledge them, we can sense what they are feeling and why, before even they are aware.  This is what happened to me a few years ago, where after working so hard to make myself more sensitive, my need for sanity meant I had to learn how to desensitize myself, because it didn’t feel good in any way. Opening our mind to higher consciousness means we’re able to see the truth of the world.  But we’re not used to this level of honesty and clarity, so as we try to make sense of our experiences, it can freak us out!

There are many who dismiss clairvoyance as ‘just imagination’, refusing to accept there is a spiritual reality at all. Simply because they cannot see, hear of feel what the medium can.  It’s for this reason that psychics have been classified as fraudulent, psychotic, insane, or simply having a vivid imagination.  But I am genuine and my experiences felt very real! Such as messages that proved correct, guidance that helped me and others.  Extraterrestrials who gave information about the birth of mankind and its development.  It also felt very real when I was sitting having a cup of tea one morning, when a native American guide manifested unexpectedly in front of me.  That was a total surprise I can tell you!  But these are the good things.

The bad elements also felt very real.  The aliens exiting from open vortices into our world, the hideous soul energy of murderers who still believe they have the right to harm others, the terrible pain of discarnate souls who committed suicide to find some peace, but are still earthbound.  The terror that rose in me during times I realised entities had firmly attached to me, that could drive me to the brink of insanity.  The worst of these times happened in 1987, 1996 and 2006.  Where the struggle to regain my personality after breakdown, felt very real I can assure you!

My experiences have proven the spiritual world is real to those who have opened their mind, consciousness and heart.  Images we see through our mind can be real or imagined – this is the predicament.  How do we know truth? I tried to conduct my spiritual behaviour according to my egotistical nature and its rules.  But it doesn’t work like that in the spiritual world! My energy was weak because I lacked self-confidence. I wanted to help them, but fear was so deeply ingrained within my personality that I made myself a target.

I hate it that I’ve had to experience the dark side of spirit.  I don’t feel a victim, as I know that whatever has occurred was for a valid reason. But when we lack experience, and are being fed energetically harmful information, our logical mind and physical personality can implode. Causing enormous overwhelm to our sanity, because we find it difficult to work out what is real and what isn’t any more!  Leading us to fear, with increasing terror, that we are losing our sanity, because we cannot control or stop the dark images, thoughts and feelings, that we have unwittingly welcomed into our personal energetic world!

I would clarify at this point that there are those who suffer mental health problems, for a variety of reasons, who are delusional and claim to have spiritual visitations. Where it’s vital they receive appropriate expert help.  And I accept that sometimes it’s difficult to determine if a person is unbalanced, authentically channelling information or just cold reading (as the experts call it).  My concern is, our soul energy is awakening to the call of natural evolution. Meaning we will all become more intuitive in the not too distant future.

But what will happen when your mind opens to other dimensions.  If you doubt spiritual reality, will you automatically assume the person who receives channelled guidance to be delusional, including you?  Because if so, you could hold yourself back by denying the crucial help you need! Or will you throw yourself in at the deep end, and just believe whatever you are told by beings you deem as having higher intelligence, when they have not?

This is the predicament mentioned earlier!  We live adult life according to what we were told as children.  We believed what we were told, even if it wasn’t true, because regardless, we thought ‘they’ knew better than us.  This is the same when we start to channel.  We believe spirit is good because that is what we’ve been told. We create new beliefs around our mediumship, and experience a new sense of power that we have another world at our disposal! It can make us feel very powerful, elated, in control, all-knowing and seeing.  It can also destroy our lives unless we close our mind, reject the images and allow our consciousness to come back to physical earth.  Then, next time we start communicating with other dimensions, once we’ve recovered our lucidity and trust we are sane, we will remain in control of our mind, take it more slowly and not believe every spirit is good, or knows best.

So we have to make up our own mind about what to believe, when we catch sight of dead people, angels, our guides and other entities.  And decipher whether our imagination is just running away with what we think we should be seeing, or even what we’re most afraid of seeing.  But maybe we need help to do just that!  What are your thoughts?

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When will we stop struggling and just let ourselves be who we really are? And when will we be able to see that happiness is already inside our heart, where we just have to remove our cloak of fear to let it shine through our mind and out into our world? There is only one answer to this, and that is… when we stop waiting for others to make it happen, and make the decision to do it for ourself!

Even though it may appear we have little control of the world at the moment, we have to remember that real power doesn’t come through ruling others, but by being in charge of ourself! Also that when our mind is confused it can cause a physiological response which triggers panic, vulnerability and anxiety, which even though makes us feel worse, can be effectively dealt with when we know what to do about it!

When we connect with our intuitive mind and follow synchronistic guiding signs which give us the ‘uh ha’ moments that help us understand what to do next, we don’t have to worry about ‘what if..’.  As once we learn to recognise and accept internal and external prompts, which synchronicity provides through our
intuitive mind, there is less fear of the unknown, because we know we only have
to ask for guidance to receive it.

And because we can trust we will know what to do as and when required, there is less need to worry, therefore our generalised anxiety is able to reduce its intensity!

Many people believe that life is already mapped out, and whilst I believe this is true to some degree, I know that our thoughts, emotions, choices and actions are the main driving forces which dictate whether we find the happiness and success we seek. Which means that if our mind and emotions are out of our control, then so is our future and our destiny!

However, it’s our lack of understanding and wisdom that causes us to panic when the going gets tough, so it would help if we could believe that even though our destiny is governed by linear and universal time, which we have no control over, both good and bad elements are already present in our pathway and are programmed to activate at specific times in our future. Whereby we might then be more able to go with the flow and accept that we have a beginning (birth) an end (death), and that the bit in the middle which is our life, is there for us evolve within!

But whilst it is safe to assume that some specific events are located along our life pathway, we have to guard against complacently waiting for good things to happen to us. Because the reality is that we have to create ways to see hidden opportunities whenever we feel stuck, and also develop the ability to create new opportunities when the need arises.

We also have to learn to tolerate enforced societal change, as change is inevitable and necessary. But as this country declines whilst the younger generation climb to the top of their influential mountain of ego supremacy, few have any real concerns about the future developments of our country or world, because they believe they don’t have the power to influence it, or simply because they just don’t care!

Whilst I support the idea that we don’t have the automatic right to denigrate others, I believe we are being forced to endure prohibitive human rights dictates, that are just absurd bureaucratic rules, which unnecessarily inhibit our growth by restricting our language, freedom of speech, opinion and power!

Bullies remain bullies until people stand up and confront their false power. But we are not allowed to stand up for ourself in case we offend someone’s hypocritical feelings, where our English legal system sometimes seems to impose greater importance on political or financial issues, rather than bestowing appropriate punishment on criminals who destroy peoples lives.

The law is always under scrutiny, and rightly so, where different governments impose different sanctions to resolve the same problems and win votes at the next election! But guess what! Politics, law and their rules still often work against the people they were intended to help! Some preventative government strategies are clearly not working, but still more money is thrown into them as millions of pounds are spent each year trying to stop us smoking, drinking, taking drugs, teenage pregnancies, and eating what we choose, whilst our health and welfare services are starved of cash and thus can’t provide the services that are demanded from them?

But whilst we all resist change to a certain degree, is it okay that strategies that are supposed to initiate progress are governed by their financial profitability, and lead us back into the dark ages where people had to unite and rebel before they were heard? Which means that even though we are in the new millennium, we have learned nothing about what progress really means, as we are being forced by circumstance to repeat old inferior/superior ‘they’ve got/I want..’ patterns of fighting for individual power and financial security!

However admirable, the legislative philosophy of ‘prevention is better than cure’ is clearly not working, so instead of trying to fix dysfunctional behavioural problems by imposing ineffective protective strategies, why don’t we just start using accountability as the rule of life. Whereby instead of placating the ‘give me/fix it for me’ mentality of those who can’t be bothered to make the effort to look after their lives, people are taught that if you create a problem, you have to sort it out. (This obviously does not refer to those genuinely in need).

I place no blame on specific individuals or departments for the anomalies in our society, caused by the various try and fail government dictates, but do fear that unless human mentality considers the bigger picture of life, we humans are headed for disaster!

But what do you think about the country you reside in, and what changes would you like to see in place for your future?  Think about it now, as time has a habit of reaching us before we are fully prepared, so get your thinking cap on and start to explore ways of better society management. Try to find resolutions in your mind and get clear images of what sort of things might make a difference to the future. Work out a plan which shows how the differences could be activated and how they might improve life. What would life be like then, what would change, how would that feel?

Feel the positive energy that would be generated by those changes. Regardless of how impossible it might seem now, you have the ability to create marvellous opportunities to change the world and manifest your ideas into reality – not by striving to continue the well-trodden cyclical pathways of historical power-driven ego, but by casting new ideals about life. Where you search for ways to combine human individuality with a society that has power, integrity and respect for life, and then working toward the same beneficial goals with like-minded others.

You don’t have to be clever to make positive contributions to life, but you do have to use your wisdom, and let the universe show you how to use your soul power. But to do that you need to open your objective mind and restrain the fear that distorts your creativity! You have to want to live a better life and be willing to change the parts of yourself that were created from the fear of your ancestors, where instead of just resisting rules you create a new, more appropriate set of guidelines for the future.

Once you learn to overcome obstacles, you will realise just how brave, strong, confident and capable you really are. But this is a skill that needs to be learned, and that takes time and patience! So when you strive to justify yourself by proving you are superior to others, try to remember that you are probably feeling vulnerable at some level and what you really need is to experience feelings which confirm you have the right to be!

Life is complicated and so are humans, and the sooner we understand how to manage ourselves, the simpler life will become! As technology advances your mind is already programmed to function far beyond the abilities of any computer currently known to man. But if you continue to react through fear every time you are challenged, you will reinforce the limitations imposed on society by old self-protective survival patterns, keeping them alive!

However, if you make the decision to create a new way of life by living authentically, productively and effectively, whilst giving respect to all life forces, your higher mind will be able to guide and support the creation of your new ideas for the future world, and you will be able to reach your full potential! So what will you use to guide you and your life – your ego and fear, or your universal power and intuitive wisdom?

Regardless of which way you choose to live your life, please remember that it’s never too late to change, and that the way you deal with every experience, good or bad, leads to another experience that will follow. Therefore as it’s your thoughts and actions that create the negative or positive outcome of your experiences, that will ultimately determine whether you feel good or bad, whenever possible look for the most beneficial long-term solution in the bigger picture, rather than just striving to feel good for that moment in time!

Good luck!!

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