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I bought a couple of scratch cards today, ones that I’d not played before.  They cost £3 each, and even though I didn’t have much money left for the week, the foolish, optimist and gambler part of me decided to spend £6 on these, because I might magically win the £300,000 top prize.  Or, even one of the low prizes which gave me my money back. (Honestly, I’d be grateful to get any return, as I’m already worrying about the impending bills that are on their way, which I know I’m going to struggle to pay!).

I don’t often buy scratch cards, as I see them as a con, where they are designed to capture the attention of gamblers and encourage those who are short of cash, to speculate what little they have got, on the chance they may win what they need, to sort out their life. However, I always feel a sense of excitement and anticipation when I scratch these cards, because deep down I love a gamble, so I have to limit the purchase of them!

The aim of the game was to scratch off the symbols, then match them in a line of four on the grid.  Bit like bingo, but using symbols instead of numbers.  It felt quite strange as I scratched off the symbols on the first card, as somehow my eyes wouldn’t focus properly on the symbols.  ‘What’s up with me?’ I thought.  ‘Am I losing the plot?’. I recognised the deep concern in my heart that my Macular Degeneration was getting worse and spreading to the other eye, meaning I would eventually become blind! ‘Stop that!’ I told myself, as I knew worrying wouldn’t help in any way!

But I’d got the hang of it on the second card, and as hubby watched over my shoulder I loudly declared I’d completed a line.  Yippee! ….That meant I’d won something!  Perhaps our money-luck was changing after all! And when I crossed off the prize amount, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the prize was £100! After I double checked it a couple of times, I quickly grabbed my coat and went back to the shop to collect my winnings!

It was a cold, winters day, but I just felt warm, exhilarated and joy-filled as I quickened my pace, eager to pick up my winnings!  ‘Maybe,’ I thought optimistically to myself, ‘our financial luck is really changing, and things will work out okay after all this time’. New year, new beginnings and all that – you know what I mean I’m sure!!

It felt good to be a winner, and as I handed the card to the lady behind the counter, I laughed as I said ‘I couldn’t believe it when I saw I’d won £100, as I’ve never won more than £5 on these cards before!’. I watched as she entered the serial numbers once, then twice.  She said ‘Mm. It’s not showing up as a winner, are you sure you’ve got it right?’.  I pointed to the winning line and prize money, so she tried again.  Still not showing as a winning card…!

As she called the manager over to check it, my mind sort of went chaotic, trying to rationalise what was happening.  Is their machine broke, has she put the wrong number in, is there a fault with the card, why can’t they see the winning line etc? Then, after a couple of minutes looking at it, the manager looked at me, and said the dreaded words…’You’ve scratched off a symbol that wasn’t on the list!’.

‘Aaarghhh!’ I exclaimed, not surprised really as I knew I never won anything, ever! ‘I can’t believe I’ve done that!’ I said, as I reached over to the chocolate bars. (Well, I needed something to make me feel better didn’t I?).

As I walked home, with my feelings of disenchantment, I knew it would be so easy to go into the victim thinking pattern…I’m a loser… Why don’t things work out for me…When will something good happen in my life… etc. etc! But I refrained from doing so, because I didn’t want to feel like a loser!  I wanted to feel like a winner, and just for a short time today, because I thought I’d won some money, I did – and it felt soooo good!

Like everyone else, I want to feel safe and content, lucky and privileged. But life has been so challenging over the last few years that many of us have forgotten what it’s like to feel good feelings, as we’re so filled up with anxiety and worry most of the time, that paralyses our creativity and optimism!  But it’s 2013 now, and we’ve moved into the age of Aquarius, which from what I’ve read is supposed to be better for us.

But we have to give ourselves time to change, and come to terms with the new energies that are influencing us.  And whilst we are adapting our energy, we have to be mindful of the way we are thinking, as regardless of what the situation is, the way we perceive, the way we think, determines whether we feel a winner or a loser!

I felt like I was a winner today because I thought I’d won some money.  I started to feel like a loser when I realised I hadn’t!  I never had the money in my hand, so how can I lose it?  The feelings I felt were created from the thoughts in my mind! When things worry us or disrupt our lives it’s easy to feel as though we have little control. But we have to find a way to remember that we don’t have to go down with the drowning ship (our negative thoughts).  We can swim ashore using our positive thoughts as the driving force that propels us.  We can save ourselves by maintaining control over thoughts that want to keep us small, miserable and powerless.

We are strong creatures, us humans.  And we are programmed to survive our experiences!  But getting carried along with all the fear-hype that’s being media generated at the moment will not serve us well!  So it’s important to stay steady, and remain captain of your own ship – YOU!  And when you feel yourself faltering, stand strong and announce ‘I know what I need, and make sure I get it! (The universe will provide eventually, somehow – honestly!).

I’m a strong believer in the power of the mind, so during the last couple of days I’d been doing some cosmic ordering.  I’d asked for £250,000, which would allow me to pay off my mortgage, bills and help the family do the same.  I’ve never made this request before, due to the fear associated to windfall = death = inheritance!  So even though we may not be able to evoke the source, I asked that this money come from a lucky event, lottery win.  Thus, whilst I know about the creative power of the mind, what I’m really doing now, is testing out this creative theory with regards to the elusive money, that is causing so many problems!

As I walked home from the shop today, without any winnings, I maintained control over my victim thinking by  acknowledging just how lucky I already was, to have what I’ve got!  To have love in my life, good health, my loving family and friends, and a future that contains so many infinite possibilities to create a better life for us all.  ‘I AM A WINNER’, I shouted in my mind.

But alas, because I’m human, I couldn’t help but look up to the sky and let out the soft, wailing cry… ‘Dear God, just for once in my life I would like to feel what it’s like to have some luck that brings money in to help me and my family!’.

I took a deep breath, realising I must control my futility thinking. But as I looked back down I saw a black cat run across my path!  ‘I wonder if that’s an omen’  I mused! ‘Mmmm. Tonight is lottery night.  Maybe my numbers will be picked…..!’.

Eternal hope reigns!! Happy new year everyone!

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I’m sure I’m not the only person asking themselves ‘Who Am I?’ at this moment in time, where as the pressure of futility increases, due to Christmas being just around the corner, we wonder what’s happened to our life.  How did we end up where we are?  As regardless of how hard we’ve tried to change or how much cutting-back we’ve done, lack of money and ever-increasing bills to pay, is still causing problems for so many, including me.  And although we may use relaxation and self-help techniques to help us cope with our rising stress, we are still highly stressed, because of the way we feel about us, our life, and our future!

To be honest, it feels like things will never change, and they could even get worse, as there’s no signs of improvement to global financial problems that affect each of us.  And to top it all, we’ve got ascension energy pushing and shoving us into emotional and mental places we’ve tried to avoid, in order to release latent emotional energy that we’ve held on to for too long. Causing frightening physical symptoms that worry us even more!

Wowee!! … What a ride, as internal and external pressure  causes havoc to our energy! And regardless of whether you believe in all of this energetic stuff or not, the pressure is still really intense!!

However, whilst our human problems appear so overwhelming to us, we should realise that our problems are not the main issue here.  As planetary, energetic, and spiritual influences are affecting us also, where there is a merging of elements taking place that will create significant changes to our future.  With an ultimate transformational purpose that is designed to protect us from self-destruction. Hard to believe?  Yes of course it is!  But how do we know it’s not true?

My guidance tells me it’s about ‘Healing the heart of man’, and that helps me to realise that change will be a good thing for us.  Yet I find it incredible that this is the time when evolutionary changes manifest, that will eventually change our lives forever! So many of our ancestors have been wiped out in the past, during this process.  Is this REALLY the time when we do it differently?  Where we change before it’s too late! What an amazing thought that is!!

I often wonder about our future, and the world as it may be someday.  It’s hard to imagine the new, prophesised world, where love and compassion are the fierce energetic prompts that guide our thoughts, feelings and actions. We’ve all been hurt so much by each other, throughout our existence, that we’ve been conditioned to accept pain as an inevitability of life.  But this is not how it should be!  And yet if this is all we’ve known, or remember, then how can we know how to create the necessary changes that will sustain life and happiness, instead of destroying it? But maybe this responsibility doesn’t fall just on our shoulders.  Maybe there is a higher universal intelligence that can help us do what we need to do!

I’ve communicated with the Sirian High Council, the Pleidian Elders, Lemurians and Atlanteans, as well as others.  I’ve also communicated with God energy, angels, guides, entities etc.  But how do I know these are true and real, as they are in my mind?  How do I know I’m not insane when I converse with these beings from afar?  And yet their influences have helped me so much, to understand how to survive this world!  So I believe there is help from these sources!  And yet it doesn’t really matter whether I believe in them or not does it?

As regardless of our circumstances, and who we are, one thing is for certain.  We’re already changing – we are not the people we once were.  Our life is different, our ambitions are different, and our future is not the one we were planning on. So because we’ve lost the ‘old picture’ we had created in our mind, about who and what we would become, it can feel as though we’ve lost our identity, or we are dying.  When the reality is that we’ve lost sight of who we are, because we, as we once were, are no more! And believe it or not, this is a good thing!

Basically what’s happened is that because we’ve had no option other than confront or control our rising fear, caused because of external to us circumstances, we have broken through the protective barrier that the ego had created.  Which kept us isolated, small, defensive and afraid.  We were reactive to a lot of things, but now we know, from our futile experiences of over-reacting, that when the tables are turned against us, we should and can stand steady and strong.  Knowing that in time, somehow, we will find the answers we need, the strength we lack, and the motivation to move ourselves beyond our stuck points, to a more comfortable life position. In other words, instead of running with our fear, we learn to trust that we can help ourselves in better ways!

It’s common knowledge that the Mayan calendar ends soon, which because of our linear thinking leaves us fearing the worst.  But now, because something is ending and we can’t see the beginning of anything new, we get anxious, feel vulnerable and start to panic about what’s going to happen to us and our world! There are those who foretell disasters, doom and gloom – even the end of the world!  But I don’t believe any of that, although the world as we know it will undoubtedly change, which could be symbolised as an ending.  Not before time I would add, as I know there has to be a better way to live our life, than the way most of us live now, where we struggle to survive against the turning tides of those in power, who have brought us to our knees.

But guess what!  We are stronger than they think!  We are braver than they anticipated!  And our heart and soul is getting ready to challenge those who want to keep us frozen in fear!  We want our life back, we want to be free not only from our anxiety and worry, and politics that squeeze the breath out of us.  But mostly we want to be free from our own fear, because we now know that this is the thing that upsets us the most.  And because we are human, we will make it happen eventually, now that we are starting to accept that we have the power to change how we feel – at will! (This is true by the way!).

Many foretell of a new energy reaching earth, that will take us on to a different dimensional level of being.  Which as a consequence of existing within a higher vibration, will enable us to become more intuitive.  We will be able to see the truth of life, and value what really matters.  There are many thousands, if not millions of people who have already reached this level, because they’ve spent their time developing their Selves, pursuing peace instead of conflict, freedom instead of control! But there’s many more who still have work to do in this area, if they want their life to improve! Where the choice at the moment is ours – live in fear, or find a way to manage and disperse any fearful prompts that disrupt our energetic balance.

When we’re afraid, we look for solutions to our problems and often fail to recognise that life is becoming a prison of misery. As when we feel deprived of what we need, over a long period of time, we can end up believing we don’t deserve anything other than what we’ve got.  We lose our confidence, our drive to succeed, our dreams and aspirations!  And we forget who we are, as we believe we are nothing!  Our energy is low, we lack enthusiasm, we get depressed, angry and upset, because we lose hope that things will ever change for us!

If what I’m describing seems familiar to you, then I know you have suffered like I have!  I’ve tried for many years to work out the best way to live, to survive financial, emotional and mental crisis!  I’ve also had quite a few traumatic spiritual experiences as well, but that story can wait for another day, for now!  The point is our suffering was not for nothing!  It was all about the energetic transformation process that is happening now!

About nine  years ago, whilst I was laying in bed one night, I saw an image of the earth in my room, in front of my window.  Regardless of whether my eyes were closed or open, the green and mauve image remained. I wondered if I was dreaming or becoming psychotic, and so pinched myself, stood up and went out of the room, returned and sat on the bed.  The image was still there!  As I watched with bated breath, not knowing what was going to happen next, fire started to rise at the back of the earth, flames burning high, spreading all around it.  I was scared and didn’t know what this meant, but knew I had to keep watching as the flames engulfed the earth!

Shortly after that, as the flames started to die down, another image appeared underneath the burning earth.  This highly coloured scene showed people rejoicing, dancing, clapping.  People were happy!  And as I tried to make sense of this vision, I remembered the violet flame of transmutation and so felt that this was a sort of re-assurance, that once I’d changed my life, I would be happy.  The images disappeared, but I’ve never forgotten them!

Over the last few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about this experience and it’s relevance to now.  At the time I thought it was just about me and my life.  Now I’m wondering if this vision was not just about preparing me for the future, but letting me know this is about all humanity.  That once we are destroyed egotistically, we are reborn into the future of our dreams!

Although hard, and though it may feel impossible at times, we have to allow ourselves to change, to fall, to rise, to grow!  We can’t do this when we are safe, so it’s okay to be afraid when faced with change, as we have to feel our fear, we have to confront our demons and let them go, because a re-birth is about to happen, and we need to be ready to step into a new human role that corrects our problems rather than causing them!

There’s talk about a miraculous ‘Second Coming’, of someone whom we could trust to lead us out of the darkness.  But if we still don’t recognise our true power of creation, this blind faith would simply lead us right back into the transformational fire we’re trying to escape from!  Following those in power is not the answer – we should know that by now, shouldn’t we? They are the ones who got us in this shit in the first place!  Now we, WE, have to motivate ourselves to stand up, take responsibility for our creative yet destructive power, and lead ourselves to a better, different life!

There is no quick, simple, panacea for doing this successfully at the moment!  I only wish it was that easy! It takes courage to not run away from our fear, and perseverance, patience to come through our bad times!  But come through them we must, and will – just like my vision all those years ago!  Where even though we can’t see the bigger picture, we must trust that a safe, loving, happy world is there, and that we will get the chance to enjoy it in this lifetime!

I know now that each experience that made me afraid has been for a reason!  I wanted to be comfortable, feel safe and content.  My soul knew otherwise though!  It had a job to do, to keep me on my toes, to allow myself to fragment, to break into small pieces that I could choose to discard during my emotional and mental recovery!  My soul has nudged me on my pathway, when I felt so abandoned and alone.  Where many times, as my stability crashed, so did I!

So when I ask myself now ‘Who am I?’, I can answer, without fear….I am Chrissie Batten, I have a soul, a will, courage, strength (although I don’t always feel it).  And I have a fragmented ego, that has lost it’s power over me, meaning I am in control of me.  Mmmm…well, that’s not totally true yet, but I’m starting to have hope that things will change!

Yes, I’ve got hope for me – no aspirations mind, or clear visions for the future. Just a little hope and trust that all is meant to be as it is, for a really good reason – to preserve human life, to have peace in our minds and heart.  To be loved and to love, and to be glad to be alive!

What about you though…regardless of how you were in the past, who are you now?  When you ask yourself ‘Who am I?’, what answers come from your heart?  What answers come from your mind?  How have you changed? Look closely through an open mind, and I’m sure you will find you’ve come a lot further than you thought!

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Because spiritual influences are helping our soul evolve beyond our reactive ego personality, by encouraging us to identify, clarify, develop and live by authentic truth, we will find it harder to be consoled by our addictions and negative habits.  They won’t bring us so much satisfaction, so eventually we will get tired of being disappointed by them and seek other ways of coping with our inner stirrings. Meaning that if we make the effort to work constructively with our fear, by not making ourselves even more afraid as we deal with changes in our lives, we can break free of old habits that have kept us trapped within fear filled limitations.

And although this process can feel distressing, because we are letting go of our comforters, we have to remember it’s a positive process that’s designed energetically to set us free from our negative self, that imposes restrictions to our growth and happiness.

I hurt when I see so many people, young and old, struggling to cope with the constant bombardment of challenges being imposed upon us all. There was a time not so long ago, when we could identify with those whose life was working well.  We could console our fears by saying ‘If they can do that then so can I’.  Our young people could witness success and aspire themselves toward it. But it’s much harder to find normal people(if there are such entities any more) whose life is working well. In fact it’s becoming increasingly harder to find anyone who hasn’t got some form of struggle going on at the moment.  Meaning it’s going to feel more difficult to feel optimistic and okay about life in general, and our mood may become less buoyant!

I’m not naive enough to believe that EVERYONE is in turmoil at the moment. As I know problems are being caused by an energetic  shift, that means wealth is being redistributed away from the majority, who as a consequence struggle with financial problems and health issues caused by an overload of stress, and passed onto the minority whose lives are becoming increasingly prosperous, successful and fulfilling.  But there is money out there, enough for everyone.  So why is there such an increasing and overwhelming lack in our lives, when others have so much more than us – more than they could possibly need?  What is the purpose for this?

Well they say money goes to money, and I believe that’s true!  As there’s an energy link to money, that if connected to, will attract more money.  The problem is that fear interferes with this abundance link.  So the poorer we get, the more afraid we become, and the more we get separated from our ability to generate more money!  So, even if we are terrified of losing what we’ve got because we’ve not got enough money coming into our lives, we can, and must still have confidence in our ability to connect to the energy of financial abundance.

This means instead of focussing on what we haven’t got, which makes us more anxious, we use affirming statements such as….’I am now willing to allow money to enter my life from all sources’ or  ‘I now release the need to suffer from poverty and accept the abundance of money that is rightfully mine to receive’.  One of the most effective ways to connect to abundance energy, or disconnect from our restraining mind-sets, is to use EFT.  There are loads of scripts already out there if you Google or go to You Tube.

The main thing is not to let fear stop us from creating a better way of life for ourselves.  But if we focus on fear, we will become more afraid!  So, remember, even if you’re afraid of whatever, you can still be strong, creative and successful!

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Following my previous post   ‘If It Wasn’t For This Confusion!’, I’ve recognised that whilst struggling to identify where I should be going and how I can earn money to pay bills, I’ve also identified  how much time I’m spending fighting myself versus others.  Because whilst I yearn to do something for me or my cause, other commitments that involve vulnerable family members, take me away from focussing on what I would like to be doing. Where my time, energy and attention is prioritised upon their needs, not mine!

But when I look back at my life, I see that’s how it’s always been!  As there’s always something or someone more important than me that merits my time and attention, regardless of whether it’s completing a task for the house, other people, work, whatever!  So whilst I’ve attended to my survival needs, including self-medicating on addictions to cope with my stress, my creative needs have been given little opportunity to manifest in the past, because they’ve not been recognised as priority by myself or others!  How sad is that! And the worrying thing is I’m still doing it, still following the same pattern of self-exclusion!

As a counselling therapist, I’m strongly in favour of accepting responsibility for ‘Self-Accountability’, as that promotes feelings of power and control over ourself.  So analysing myself has become part of my daily routine, as it helps me stay on top of ego prompts that try to mislead me.  It doesn’t worry me that I see my faults, as if I don’t see them how can I correct them?  Also, if I strive to ignore faults in my personality that hide the ‘real me’, then how will I ever find the courageous  and wise personality that will lead me to become all I was destined to be?

However, I’ve had to take a closer look at what I’m doing at the moment.  As I know I’m getting older and the time is getting closer when I must make changes to access the potential of my soul, so that I can fulfil my life purpose. But though I’ve got internal prompts that push me toward focussing on my direction, I find it so difficult to pull myself away, or split myself into even smaller pieces, when people I love need a high level of support at the moment.

Self-awareness is a magnificent tool for self-development, as long as we remain centred and objective, and don’t creep into the ego, which compels us to start viewing ourselves from a negative position of good, bad, right or wrong – which can lead to self-destructive tendencies.  So because I feel so much internal conflict inside of me, I know I’ve been missing something, a way of thinking I need to correct.

We all have responsibilities we have to attend to, that take our time and energy.  Meaning some things we enjoy doing, such as hobbies, have to somehow squeeze in-between other commitments.   But I’m sure there are others like me, whose life seems dominated by outside commitments, where at times, in fact most of the time, there is little time or energy left to do what we want.

When we have a soul desire, we often fail to prioritise it because the feelings it evokes, as we envisage the outcome, brings us pleasure, satisfaction and fulfilment.  We’re more likely to attend to things that create anxious or fearful feelings to rise, in order to stop our pain.  But just like other impulses, when we ignore or resist soul-drives, they get stronger and more persistent until we acknowledge them, and take necessary actions to accommodate or heal them. So where does that leave me, and how do I determine the best, most appropriate route for prioritising my time, effort and energy?

Some of you are aware that my mums partner Ron, aged 76, broke his neck in October last year.  And although we’ve almost lost him many times, he’s still with us, and is now in the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital at Stanmore, Middlesex, which has proved to be a wonderful, caring environment for such distressing health problems.  Whilst Ron has regained most of his mobility, he’s left with disabilities that mean he will probably have to permanently live in a nursing home, once he leaves Stanmore.

My mother Dolly, aged 85, is disabled with a debilitating condition that makes standing and walking very difficult.  Her breathing is also affected by COPD. Ron used to help her in many ways.  Since he’s not been around she has to manage daily life by herself, with the help of myself, my husband, my sister and aunt. And although I’ve now organised a cleaner, gardener, and local handyman for her, everyday existence is becoming increasingly difficult, because she is in constant pain and what she really needs is constant care!

Even though I’m stressed out, I count my blessings every day! I’m grateful my mum and Ron are still with us and  I’m grateful I’ve got the ability, health and strength to do what little I can do to help them. Even though they’ve each got so many problems they worry about, they still laugh and show an interest in what’s happening in the world.  And whilst I’m really worried about my life and what will become of me if I don’t find a way to express my talents – because of the internal pressure it’s causing me, I also look at them, Dolly and Ron.  And I have to ask ‘What about them?’. Can I really put myself before them?

Ron’s having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact he won’t be able to return home, because his flat is on the first floor and he won’t be able to manage the stairs.  He thinks we don’t care about him anymore because he can’t return to his flat, and he’s been in hospital all this time (he thinks we’ve let him stay there, meaning he also thinks we could have got him out).  His limited perception means he can’t see the real reason things are happening to him, and so his mind is confused.  He is resistant to change.  He wants things to return to how they were before his accident. And as he’s now become institutionalised within the hospital, which is now his comfort zone, moving anywhere terrifies him!  Everyday he sits and worries about money, mum, how he can get back to his flat, what the doctors and nurses do or don’t do with, or for him. He has no real concept of how he will be restricted by his disability though, as he sees himself as ‘back to normal’ even though he clearly isn’t! Yet he doesn’t sit there whining or moaning all the time, when we visit.  He’s just grateful we are there with him, in that little space of time!

My mum strives to remain independent and it upsets her that she can’t do many things she used to.  Her mind is still all there thank God. But that means she can see the reality of her situation.  She knows her body is failing and she needs more hospital checks, more treatment that she needs our help to get. Her life must change!  She is scared about what is going to happen to her and the pressure her care is imposing upon us, the family! She worries about us, and what’s going to happen to Ron!  She worries about how we’re all going to cope with her and Ron’s needs in the future!  She spend most of her days alone with her television.  But apart from her occasionally mentioning ‘the pain was bad today’, or she’s ‘had enough of living this way’, you never hear her moan about her lot!  She’s just really grateful that she’s got the help she’s got!

So whilst I’m having to deal with a lot of matters on their behalf, experiencing frustration caused by bureaucratic rules, decisions about the future, form-filling, social workers, and Havering Borough Council (which I’m currently infuriated with), I’ve been worrying and moaning about what I haven’t got!  I haven’t got enough money to pay my bills! I haven’t got the time or impetus to promote myself or my work, which means I can’t earn the money to pay my bills.  I haven’t got the time or energy to do more for my mum, to spend every day sorting out her life, to visit Ron more at Stanmore, to making his life easier when he denies he has a problem!  I haven’t the confidence now to go out and give talks about what I know, to those who need my help!  I sometimes wonder if I’ve got the energy to be all I’m meant to be!  Maybe that’s the stumbling block to my success!

I see how I’ve been causing extra distress by not going with the flow. Where I’ve created resistance because I’ve been trying to priorities ‘fix-it’ needs, ignoring my desires by believing that once I sort out current problems, there will be a clear space for me to do what I want.  But the problems never stop do they? Which means that as problems are on-going, there will never be that clear space I’ve been seeking, for as long as I can remember!

So, I’ve decided that I’m expecting too much of myself, so must change my thought process – again!  If I was working with a client who was presenting the same situation as mine, I would help them find a way to do a little of everything they needed and wanted to do.  I would encourage them not to make vital decisions during such stressful times, but to ensure they worked toward their preferred goals.  I would encourage them to consider their needs as important as others, and to make sure if there are priority lists, their name and agenda is listed on it, not put off or delayed until the time is right!  So I must practice what I preach!

Even though I’ve ignored my needs for a long time, I’m not prepared to ignore the needs of my mum and Ron! I hate to see them suffering!  However, I am a product of my own neglect and now realise that whilst I strive to help others, instead of allowing the battle for priority to commence between them and me, I must fight to ensure we all get some of what we need – including me!  So I’m looking at what I can do now.

I can still juggle my finances somehow, for a time anyway! I can still help others when I can!  I can still say ‘NO’ when I’ve had enough!  And even though I’m not earning money through my work, I can still help others in various ways!  I can still write articles and blogs.  I can still create!  I can still learn something I didn’t know before!  I can still love and accept myself, others and life! I can still remember to be me and live my life in ways I choose, that make me feel happy and fulfilled!

I’m hoping that once I stop beating myself up for not doing more(which is driven by the ‘be perfect’ need that creates resistance), and allow myself to do what’s needed at the time(which will allow my anxiety to reduce), my energy will feel better.  And if I resist focussing on what I can’t do because of the stress I’m under,  I’m hoping my creative spirit will find its way to the surface, and allow my soul to lead me directly to the people I can help, in order to earn the money I need to survive!  As I endorse the ‘Everything is in perfect order’ belief, maybe that’s what this time of my life has been all about.  I’ll soon find out – wish me luck, please!

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As I sat struggling to work out how I’m going to manage to pay my bills and manufacture new products this year, it suddenly struck me how much I felt a victim of circumstance.

I’ve done years of self-healing and development, in order to rid myself of the negative influence of my victim personality.  So I was surprised to discover my angst was being generated by the vulnerability and powerlessness I’d been feeling, because the cost of living is rising steeply and I just can’t see a way that I can afford to keep up payments on mortgage, pay bills etc., for the next six months, never mind for the next few years!

So I’d taken myself into the hollow retreat of searching for ways to increase my income, where my background thoughts kept reminding me how dire and futile my situation was!  And where because my future felt so financially fragile, I’d unwittingly allowed my restrictive thinking to dominate the whole of my life, where worry influenced everything I did, and powerlessness and despair stifled my creative personality!

I failed to develop new ideas because I didn’t have enough money to produce my creations, so I’d started to stagnate my mind and exclude myself from society and life, as I waited for things to change and improve, viewing myself as a failure – simply because I lacked money!  Life is what we make it, we all know that!  But when we have a lack of money in our life, the rules of life change somehow, as there seems little fairness and so much opposition to contend with!

We live by rules that dictate who and what we become, that stagnate our creativity, life and our soul.  But whilst rules and boundaries are vital for keeping order in our society, dictatorship has gone too far, and now I believe it’s time for us to stop worrying and decide how we want our lives to be! But can change happen when we’re all so afraid of breaking the rules, which whilst uncomfortable, actually keep us safe. And at least we know what we can and can’t do don’t we? NO, WE DON’T!! As most of us are only doing what our situation allows us to do!

Not only are we indoctrinated by rules that tell us we can’t, but also by other rules that tell us we must!  We must obey the rules, we must pay our bills, we must do this or that! It’s no wonder many people are on the verge of hysteria, when life has been restricted by rules that keep us imprisoned in fear, and where we are afraid to break the rules in case we get penalised in some way, which will add to our distress and make us feel worse than we already do!

Whilst rules are intended to keep society equal and fully functioning, which is not how it is, the continuing increase of impositions bestowed upon us means there’s hardly room to breathe, with the dogma that’s been developed by the powers that be!  Many of us have reached the point where our growth and progress has stopped because we’re finding it difficult to meet the financial demands imposed upon us, and where as our minds are engulfed by worry and despair, feelings of hope and optimism are becoming more and more difficult to muster!

Sometimes I wonder if the conspiracy theory is true, because society has become so disempowered by unnecessary restriction that meet the needs of those in power, but not ours.  And because we’re suffocating our soul power, because we’re too busy meeting the needs of rules, we’ve no time, energy or money left for our own enjoyment needs! Our mind is being torn apart, and our life is being wasted by worry! But time is short and precious!  Our voice has been drowned so we have to find a way to make it heard now, so we can re-gather our strength and creative power.  We have to find a way to get what we want and need to survive into the future. This means we have to consider breaking some of the rules that do not serve our purpose!

Because rules imposed upon us by organisation tell us we can’t do this or that so often, we believe the validity of the word ‘Don’t’ and get it confused with our own mind rules that make us unhappy, which tell us we can’t or won’t! So, whilst there are some rules we really cannot challenge, we have to find a way to hear our own
indoctrinated, automatic, thoughts that uphold outdated rules of existence.  Rules that keep us hidden or small, or poor, or needy! Rules that stop us trying to improve our self and our life! Rules that stop us believing we can make change happen! Rules that tell us we have to wait until we’ve got enough money before we can really start to live our life as we want it!

Our mind is our creative ally, and we must not let it get bogged down by rules!  We must allow it to roam free, so that it can identify the best way to get us what we need. We must use our mind to our best advantage, not just by trying to work
out how to find more money to pay ever-increasing bills, but by recognising
when we are suffocating our soul with worry and doing something about it that
can increase our feelings of well-being!

There are many things in life that we can enjoy and that are free! And whilst I know this fact doesn’t really help console the worry about becoming homeless and bankrupt, we have to remember to feed our soul enough so that it can regain it’s strength, and thus give us the confidence to fight back against the social rules of life that make us feel so uncomfortable and powerless!  As it’s only when we are using our creative power that we will be able to identify how to bring abundance of all good things into our life!

But first you have to challenge your own rules and allow your mind to think beyond poverty and lack!  Allow your thoughts to present pictures of beauty, abundance, success and hope!  Allow your heart to believe there is plenty of money in this world and accept that you deserve some of it.  See yourself surrounded by piles of money, throw it over your head, wallow in it, love and enjoy the whole experience!  Then from the soul, tell the universe you are ready to accept the richness that life has to offer and the love, hope, creativity, happiness and success that financial confidence brings!

I hope you find what you’re looking for! Good luck everyone! x

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