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Posts Tagged ‘Problems’

After I commented on his blog recently, a blogging friend said this to me….

‘I’m not at all sure what I feel and think is valid.  Sometimes I hate myself for being the way I am.  I feel there is a war between two halves of me, and I dare not let either side win!’.

I said….’This is where real transformation can take place, where you discover your own truth about what is real and what is not – (for you).  The ‘war’ is the battle between our authentic self and ego.  Only we can decide which team wins!’

He said…’Ok, which is my authentic self?  The unthinking soul or the rational being? The right brain or the left?

WOW…EE >>>> Trigger for my slumbering writing mind to go into action….!

Well…as the mind and emotions are my favourite subject, and what I like to write about most,  I thought I’d write the answer in this article and explain a little about how we can resolve mental and emotional turmoil, simply by identifying with our ‘Authentic Self’.

First of all let’s talk about our thoughts…!

We have a naturally intelligent and creative mind that will automatically work to rectify conflict, according to how we’ve developed our thinking process, problem-solving skills, and how we feel emotionally about the issue and ourselves.  Our mind is wired to give us reasons for doing or not doing things, and confirmations that we, they or ‘it’ are right or wrong.

However, did you realise that every single thought that passes through your mind, has another thought attached to it? And that THAT thought also has another thought connected to it – creating a ‘chain of thoughts’?

Meaning that when you worry, you don’t just cognitively and emotionally react to one thought, but to many more!

Try it for yourself…. paying attention to your head space so you’re aware of your thoughts, think about an issue you’re dealing with, or something you want to do/not do…then wait, listen and watch your mind for what follows after that initial thought…

Or you could use this example….Say in your mind…’I am enough!’

If you kept your mind open and stayed attentive, you would notice more dialogue emerging as another thought follows the first, which when identified would generate  another, until there is a constant stream of mind-chat passing through your awareness.  The thoughts can be supportive to your ideals, against, or even both! So in the example of ‘I am enough’, your mind would offer further evidence for or against that statement, depending on how good you felt about yourself in the first place!

Also…did you realise that because you have an internal belief system that you have developed over your lifetime (your Frame of Reference I call it), you have conscious and unconscious thoughts that KNOW they are right – even if they’re not in reality correct or appropriate!  And that when we evaluate our issues, these are the type of thoughts that surface, in order to influence our decisions… which in turn stimulates any past emotional or psychological agenda (memories) we have tucked away deep inside us, that resonates in any way with those thoughts!

Now the problem seems to be that because we often remain unaware of these hidden or silent thoughts, which are generated from our unconscious mind in order to guide and help us, they remain unacknowledged and un-pacified.  So they can build-up in the background waiting for our acknowledgement of them. Thus if we’re worrying about something we find hard to resolve, loads of different negative and positive thoughts would be generated, in order to help us find the answer we need.  But which could cause us to feel overwhelmed because we don’t know how to deal with the pressure they are creating, in our mental and emotional system.

Our thoughts can be likened to decisions…I will/won’t, can/can’t etc.  So when we’re struggling with conflicting thoughts, it’s probably because we can’t make the final decision to console or justify whatever it is we’re dealing with….am I right/wrong, should I do it/not do it, is this going to help/hinder me, was it my/their fault this happened etc?  All questions that need answers, one way or another, because so many of us feel scared about leaving things alone, undone, unknown, unfinished in our way…!

Consequently,  we don’t know what to do for the best, so we stimulate our vulnerability – which has many other roots in our memory system which can then become re-activated,  perpetuating our confused thinking, emotional pressure and fear of the future…!

This is why we become so fraught when we face our dramas; where in order to console ourselves, we have to work out how make a decision that we’re unsure about, or find a safe way to exonerate ourselves or others from aspects of blame/guilt/shame/responsibility!

Conflict, namely old, bad memories, experiences, reactions and fears, runs throughout our energy system, causing energy blocks.  And when we find ourselves experiencing mental or emotional conflict dilemmas, it activates other latent conflicts; as current energy status seeks to find old like-energy, in order to unite and console itself (universal law of attraction – like attracts like).

That’s why over-thinking can send us crazy sometimes!  Because we enter a cyclical conflict process that can only be resolved by making a decision that allows us to release any emotional attachment to the problem…but that we find so hard to comfortably do, because that decision-making-process interferes with the negative, yet habitual weighing-up cognitive process we use, that can exhaust us on every level, if we allow it to!

Thus, it happens that we get pushed over the edge by something simple, and react inappropriately, not realising that what we’re really dealing with is fear that’s been brought up from the past!

So, when your mind is all over the place, pushing your stress levels through the roof because you can’t seem to stop the intrusive thoughts that scream and shout in your mind, what exactly can you do to help yourself feel better?  And how do you know which part of your mind is telling you the truth, that will help you finalise any conflict decision?

Well firstly, we have to be aware that our brain is wired up to be creative and think logically.  This is how we usually resolve everyday problems. However, when we’re caught-up in a dilemma that affects us emotionally, it’s hard to think logically because we’ve got so many other reactive thoughts being generated. Which in turn stimulates us emotionally.  Which then, to top it all, stimulates even more reactive thoughts, then feelings, then thoughts, then feelings…..I’m sure you get the picture by now!

This is the thinking process that governs our mind, emotions, responses, reactions and actions! Most of the time ‘IT’, our mind, seems to rule us. But we can regain control at anytime during the turbulent process, simply by consciously stepping into our mind, and diverting our thinking from our head to our authentic self, the God-Self that is wise and compassionate, and does not react to our fear prompts!

But how do we find the ‘Authentic’ us?  How do we know which part of us is real, true and trustworthy enough for us to  believe in it’s wisdom? And how can it reduce our conflict?

We often have dialogue within certain parts of ourself that we think are our soul or higher nature, when really it’s just another part of our ego mind trying to convince us we are right or okay! And when we have an internal conversation that is critical, damning, chastising, defensive or retaliative toward us or others – in any way, this is NOT our higher nature, but is our mind battling within itself, to find justification, permission, approval, exoneration or praise!

It’s easy to fool ourselves into believing our thoughts are true, as we’ve done so throughout our entire existence.  But whereas conscious and unconscious thoughts can stimulate our anxiety when we face conflict, soul guidance carries a different vibration – a calm, balanced feel that can support, console and calm our anxiety, because once we’ve started to listen to our inner voice and test out the information we receive, we know the words that come from this energy to be true.

Try this…next time you’re struggling with yourself, for whatever reason, become aware of the pressure in your head, caused by the see-saw of thoughts that’s trying to influence your judgement.  Where’s the pressure – the top/ middle, back/front, right/left side?  How intense is it – low, moderate, high?

Okay, now let that pressure go…just by telling yourself ‘I allow this pressure to soften and flow, soften and flow, soften and flow’…(Emotrance technique). You can place your hands on your head whilst you do this if you like, as we’ve all got healing abilities.

Initially you may not feel the energy moving, but when you’re more experienced and aware you will notice a shift in the pressure.

Take a couple of deep calming breaths – in through your nose, slowly out through your mouth…

Then, move your attention downwards, to the centre of your chest – the heart chakra centre, and look for the answers there.  Some people call this the ‘God-mind/soul/intuition/higher mind/authentic self’.  But hey, as long as it helps us sort ourselves out, what does it matter what it’s called…!

Now, seek your guidance from your heart centre – which I class as our Authentic Self – the part of us that knows all we ever need to know.  So instead of asking questions in your mind, constantly bouncing between right and left brain, you ask your heart centre to help you answer your query.

Whilst you can get answers to your questions from the heart centre, you will probably not get a direct ‘yes you should’ or ‘no you shouldn’t’ response, as you’re more likely to receive some sort of guidance that will help you make that important decision, or find the awareness you were seeking.

This heart-centre contains our voice of wisdom and can console us because it thinks outside of our fear.  When we try to rationalise our problems we often make them bigger or worse than they are.  But if we use our heart-centre authenticity to guide us, we get the benefit of wisdom that will increase our awareness of influences that inhibit our normal judgement.  Which means we start to become superior to our ego, so we become less reactive, because we’re not bound by ego prompts as much!

When we start detaching our decisions from the influences of our ego, we feel happier and more grounded in life, as we’re not being pulled and pushed by logic/illogical thoughts that try to support our negative personality traits.

Learning to become objective to our own life is a hard skill to master, as we’re such emotional and frightened beings, caused by the negative way we use our mind.  But the ‘voice’ we hear or sense from our heart centre, is never afraid.  This is the voice of LOVE, compassion, reason, wisdom and empathy, that will, if we listen to it, console our trouble mind and comfort our turbulent emotions!

Sooo, although our mind is more competent than any computer, using the heart centre as an additional guide to work out our problems ensures we have the information we need, to make more informed decisions. It is the voice of a loving friend who can offer us a different perspective on who we are, our problems and challenges.  It will also, if we pay attention to it’s guidance, help and encourage us to find the best way of living our life, because it will help us find our truth!!

Learning to… let go… of our need to control, influence, be involved in a situation, or be part of someone else’s life, is one of our hardest lessons, as it goes against what we desire, whilst our natural instincts are primed to get us what we want!

But sometimes it happens that we’ve found what we desire, but not in the place we think…! 

Mental and emotional turmoil walk together!  So if we’re unhappy emotionally, our mind will become conflicted when we use our own ego-based rules to try to sort it out.  There are times when because we feel so overwhelmed by how we feel, regardless of what our problem is, our main desire is just to be able to feel calm, and be in control of our mind and emotions.  We don’t care about ‘the problem’ any more!  We just want to feel normal again!

Having a regular dialogue with our Authentic Self, located in our heart centre, will help us achieve that desire…!

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I just went to bed, but an intense thought motivated me to get up and write this blog!

I’d been feeling unsettled for some time, about the turbulence in so many of our lives.  ‘Is there no-one who is happy, confident, optimistic, and whose life is in perfect order?’ I asked myself!  My worry thought surfaced, and I needed to do something with it.  But what could I do?

Then, it occurred to me that there may be others with a worry thought they might just want to express.  So that’s what this blog is about today.  A place just to leave your worry thought!  There’s no need to explain your thought, or reply to posts, unless you want to of course.  It’s just a place to share your thought and free it from your mind!

So here goes mine….

Hi, my name is Chrissie, and I’m worried about the escalating problems in the world, and wonder how bad they will become in the future, and if life will ever become ‘good’ again?

Is there a thought you would like to share……?

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Following my previous post   ‘If It Wasn’t For This Confusion!’, I’ve recognised that whilst struggling to identify where I should be going and how I can earn money to pay bills, I’ve also identified  how much time I’m spending fighting myself versus others.  Because whilst I yearn to do something for me or my cause, other commitments that involve vulnerable family members, take me away from focussing on what I would like to be doing. Where my time, energy and attention is prioritised upon their needs, not mine!

But when I look back at my life, I see that’s how it’s always been!  As there’s always something or someone more important than me that merits my time and attention, regardless of whether it’s completing a task for the house, other people, work, whatever!  So whilst I’ve attended to my survival needs, including self-medicating on addictions to cope with my stress, my creative needs have been given little opportunity to manifest in the past, because they’ve not been recognised as priority by myself or others!  How sad is that! And the worrying thing is I’m still doing it, still following the same pattern of self-exclusion!

As a counselling therapist, I’m strongly in favour of accepting responsibility for ‘Self-Accountability’, as that promotes feelings of power and control over ourself.  So analysing myself has become part of my daily routine, as it helps me stay on top of ego prompts that try to mislead me.  It doesn’t worry me that I see my faults, as if I don’t see them how can I correct them?  Also, if I strive to ignore faults in my personality that hide the ‘real me’, then how will I ever find the courageous  and wise personality that will lead me to become all I was destined to be?

However, I’ve had to take a closer look at what I’m doing at the moment.  As I know I’m getting older and the time is getting closer when I must make changes to access the potential of my soul, so that I can fulfil my life purpose. But though I’ve got internal prompts that push me toward focussing on my direction, I find it so difficult to pull myself away, or split myself into even smaller pieces, when people I love need a high level of support at the moment.

Self-awareness is a magnificent tool for self-development, as long as we remain centred and objective, and don’t creep into the ego, which compels us to start viewing ourselves from a negative position of good, bad, right or wrong – which can lead to self-destructive tendencies.  So because I feel so much internal conflict inside of me, I know I’ve been missing something, a way of thinking I need to correct.

We all have responsibilities we have to attend to, that take our time and energy.  Meaning some things we enjoy doing, such as hobbies, have to somehow squeeze in-between other commitments.   But I’m sure there are others like me, whose life seems dominated by outside commitments, where at times, in fact most of the time, there is little time or energy left to do what we want.

When we have a soul desire, we often fail to prioritise it because the feelings it evokes, as we envisage the outcome, brings us pleasure, satisfaction and fulfilment.  We’re more likely to attend to things that create anxious or fearful feelings to rise, in order to stop our pain.  But just like other impulses, when we ignore or resist soul-drives, they get stronger and more persistent until we acknowledge them, and take necessary actions to accommodate or heal them. So where does that leave me, and how do I determine the best, most appropriate route for prioritising my time, effort and energy?

Some of you are aware that my mums partner Ron, aged 76, broke his neck in October last year.  And although we’ve almost lost him many times, he’s still with us, and is now in the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital at Stanmore, Middlesex, which has proved to be a wonderful, caring environment for such distressing health problems.  Whilst Ron has regained most of his mobility, he’s left with disabilities that mean he will probably have to permanently live in a nursing home, once he leaves Stanmore.

My mother Dolly, aged 85, is disabled with a debilitating condition that makes standing and walking very difficult.  Her breathing is also affected by COPD. Ron used to help her in many ways.  Since he’s not been around she has to manage daily life by herself, with the help of myself, my husband, my sister and aunt. And although I’ve now organised a cleaner, gardener, and local handyman for her, everyday existence is becoming increasingly difficult, because she is in constant pain and what she really needs is constant care!

Even though I’m stressed out, I count my blessings every day! I’m grateful my mum and Ron are still with us and  I’m grateful I’ve got the ability, health and strength to do what little I can do to help them. Even though they’ve each got so many problems they worry about, they still laugh and show an interest in what’s happening in the world.  And whilst I’m really worried about my life and what will become of me if I don’t find a way to express my talents – because of the internal pressure it’s causing me, I also look at them, Dolly and Ron.  And I have to ask ‘What about them?’. Can I really put myself before them?

Ron’s having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact he won’t be able to return home, because his flat is on the first floor and he won’t be able to manage the stairs.  He thinks we don’t care about him anymore because he can’t return to his flat, and he’s been in hospital all this time (he thinks we’ve let him stay there, meaning he also thinks we could have got him out).  His limited perception means he can’t see the real reason things are happening to him, and so his mind is confused.  He is resistant to change.  He wants things to return to how they were before his accident. And as he’s now become institutionalised within the hospital, which is now his comfort zone, moving anywhere terrifies him!  Everyday he sits and worries about money, mum, how he can get back to his flat, what the doctors and nurses do or don’t do with, or for him. He has no real concept of how he will be restricted by his disability though, as he sees himself as ‘back to normal’ even though he clearly isn’t! Yet he doesn’t sit there whining or moaning all the time, when we visit.  He’s just grateful we are there with him, in that little space of time!

My mum strives to remain independent and it upsets her that she can’t do many things she used to.  Her mind is still all there thank God. But that means she can see the reality of her situation.  She knows her body is failing and she needs more hospital checks, more treatment that she needs our help to get. Her life must change!  She is scared about what is going to happen to her and the pressure her care is imposing upon us, the family! She worries about us, and what’s going to happen to Ron!  She worries about how we’re all going to cope with her and Ron’s needs in the future!  She spend most of her days alone with her television.  But apart from her occasionally mentioning ‘the pain was bad today’, or she’s ‘had enough of living this way’, you never hear her moan about her lot!  She’s just really grateful that she’s got the help she’s got!

So whilst I’m having to deal with a lot of matters on their behalf, experiencing frustration caused by bureaucratic rules, decisions about the future, form-filling, social workers, and Havering Borough Council (which I’m currently infuriated with), I’ve been worrying and moaning about what I haven’t got!  I haven’t got enough money to pay my bills! I haven’t got the time or impetus to promote myself or my work, which means I can’t earn the money to pay my bills.  I haven’t got the time or energy to do more for my mum, to spend every day sorting out her life, to visit Ron more at Stanmore, to making his life easier when he denies he has a problem!  I haven’t the confidence now to go out and give talks about what I know, to those who need my help!  I sometimes wonder if I’ve got the energy to be all I’m meant to be!  Maybe that’s the stumbling block to my success!

I see how I’ve been causing extra distress by not going with the flow. Where I’ve created resistance because I’ve been trying to priorities ‘fix-it’ needs, ignoring my desires by believing that once I sort out current problems, there will be a clear space for me to do what I want.  But the problems never stop do they? Which means that as problems are on-going, there will never be that clear space I’ve been seeking, for as long as I can remember!

So, I’ve decided that I’m expecting too much of myself, so must change my thought process – again!  If I was working with a client who was presenting the same situation as mine, I would help them find a way to do a little of everything they needed and wanted to do.  I would encourage them not to make vital decisions during such stressful times, but to ensure they worked toward their preferred goals.  I would encourage them to consider their needs as important as others, and to make sure if there are priority lists, their name and agenda is listed on it, not put off or delayed until the time is right!  So I must practice what I preach!

Even though I’ve ignored my needs for a long time, I’m not prepared to ignore the needs of my mum and Ron! I hate to see them suffering!  However, I am a product of my own neglect and now realise that whilst I strive to help others, instead of allowing the battle for priority to commence between them and me, I must fight to ensure we all get some of what we need – including me!  So I’m looking at what I can do now.

I can still juggle my finances somehow, for a time anyway! I can still help others when I can!  I can still say ‘NO’ when I’ve had enough!  And even though I’m not earning money through my work, I can still help others in various ways!  I can still write articles and blogs.  I can still create!  I can still learn something I didn’t know before!  I can still love and accept myself, others and life! I can still remember to be me and live my life in ways I choose, that make me feel happy and fulfilled!

I’m hoping that once I stop beating myself up for not doing more(which is driven by the ‘be perfect’ need that creates resistance), and allow myself to do what’s needed at the time(which will allow my anxiety to reduce), my energy will feel better.  And if I resist focussing on what I can’t do because of the stress I’m under,  I’m hoping my creative spirit will find its way to the surface, and allow my soul to lead me directly to the people I can help, in order to earn the money I need to survive!  As I endorse the ‘Everything is in perfect order’ belief, maybe that’s what this time of my life has been all about.  I’ll soon find out – wish me luck, please!

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Just after I published my previous post about breakdown, someone asked me to clarify the statement included below, so that is what this article today will be about. I would state beforehand, that I’m not writing as an expert on spiritual matters.  What I am doing is briefly relating what I’ve learned because of what happened to me….

“….Another cause of breakdown is when we seek entry into the spiritual realms, where our vulnerable consciousness is unprepared for the force of negative energy that we expose ourselves to, when we open our mind to the unknown spiritual forces that exist”….

I felt disillusioned that spirit was not all about love and light, as I’d believed. As my experiences showed a side of spirit I thought only existed in horror movies!  I won’t be describing those here. Only pointing out that once we start working with higher dimensions and higher consciousness, and enter into unknown spiritual realms that contain more species, good and bad, than we could possibly envisage, we can be propelled into mental experiences we are unprepared for!

Spirituality has many illogical aspects to it.  Such as miracles that happen, spiritual  beings that manifest to warn, help or heal us.  Even the fact we can communicate with dead people and entities, can be classed as unbelievable by those who doubt.  I’m not saying it’s wrong to doubt anything, as discernment is our saviour.  But humans are a composite form of mental, emotional, physical and spiritual energy.  Yet whilst we accept all other aspects, there is suspicion about our spiritual nature.  But why must it still be like this, when our spiritual nature can provide so much assistance to help us cope with physical life!

We can’t see our thoughts or painful emotions, yet we know they are real because we experience them, even if we don’t fully understand, accept or validate them.  This is what it’s like when we communicate with the spiritual world. We transmit and translate through our higher mind. So I guess this is the problem… communication is conducted intuitively through the mind, so has to be channelled, interpreted and passed on to others by the receiver.  So if we can’t see or hear what they do, how do we know they are telling the truth?

Charlatans are eager to take our money, and mediumship provides an easy way to do this because it’s individualistic, un-provable nature, can fool many.  So we have to be selective about where we place our trust regarding these matters. But what happens when we seek spiritual truth through our own higher mind.  And make contact with discarnate people, entities, angels, monsters etc., whose images fill our enquiring, yet fearful mind, stimulating fearful egotistical thoughts because we can’t seem to control what we see or think.  How do we decide what is true, what is real or imaginary? Because images extend beyond the logical parameters of tangibility, stimulating our fear responses, how do we know whether we are imagining these things, really communicating with higher intelligence, having a mental breakdown or simply going insane?

Our logical mind determines our truth and reality.  So if something doesn’t meet our criteria for being real, we question its existence. Often relying on views of other people to determine the validity of what we’ve seen, regardless of our feelings about it.  Because of ego influences, we often find it difficult to admit we’re wrong or different from others.  If others are unable to validate what we perceive, we may then go on to judge our perception as wrong, or visions imaginary, even if they’re not.  So there are those who hear, see or sense the spiritual world, but deny it because no-one else can see what they do.  This can lead the individual to believe they are hallucinating, terrorising them into the world of mental illness and all that it contains.  Whereas if their visions could be validated and accepted, they could find a way to work logically with them.

Once we start crying out to God for help, soul-searching, meditating, contacting our guides, channelling information etc., we open our mind beyond our logical parameters, and enter a dimensional reality that has different rules to the physical world.  We make contact with spiritual beings and higher dimensions through our higher consciousness.  We open our senses and our mind! We hear with our internal ears, we see through our inner eyes, and every physical sense is activated, as we prepare to feel any communication that proves we are being heard. Some people don’t see, but sense through the way they physically feel.  Others can hear. Some people can see, hear  and sense.  Whatever, the communication is conducted through the persons own mind, where most of the time no-one else sees the same images, hears the same voices or feels exactly the same, for the same reasons.

There are different ways we prove that communication is real.  A touch, a sound, a feeling.  So when we do find a way to ‘make contact’, and get proof that someone or something on the other side is responding, we naturally want to communicate more. So we reduce our protective nature, and allow our energy to become more sensitive. We open our mind and senses more, so we can gain access to more on other dimensions!  Where eventually, if we’re not careful, we start to feel ‘elation’ that we’re living in both worlds, thus without an anchor to keep us steady.

This is when we become most vulnerable, because we’re dealing with the unknown spiritual world, but allowed our logical mentality, which keeps us protected, to subside!  The problem is that not all beings on other dimensions are friendly and nice.  As some of them are distressed, angry or just plain psychopathic.  For some reason their soul has remained afloat after their physical departure, and although in the world of spirit, they’ve not received the healing they need, so still retain their physical personality and emotional defects. We believe, we trust, we fear! Thus, because we’ve opened our energy to the spiritual world, we’re like victims of slimy-handed pickpockets in a crowded market place, leaving our valuables on display to be stolen.

When working with higher consciousness, we have to learn that images are real on that level. That’s why visualisation therapy is so helpful – its reality enables us to create change, and expands our ability to manifest. But as we’re still working through our conscious mind, our egotistical fear, and unconscious mind are still in play.  Where as we explore higher dimensions, visions in the spiritual world can stimulate ego prompts that evoke fearful images and concepts from the conscious and unconscious mind, that become mingled  together. Meaning we have to understand that whilst visions in our mind may not be totally real, there are some elements that are, so we have to work out true reality!

Many people have been helped and reassured by spirit communication.  And although I’ve been helped so much over the years by loving guides, I didn’t understand the rules  of energetic world that connects everything to everything else. Most mediums I know have no real problems with the spiritual world.  And I honestly don’t know why I’ve had such a hard time.  I used protective techniques, I called upon my guides and God for help.  I did what I thought I had to do, in order to stop attracting negative energy and entities toward me.  I pray things are different now though, as whilst I feel compassion for lost souls who linger out there, my sanity is more important to me.  So whereas before I’d disregard how I felt and put their welfare first, by working with them to my detriment, if helping means compromising my energy, I will put myself first and run for safety!

I think it’s probably a good time to relate one experience here, which happened to me nearly twenty years ago.  And regardless of whether you choose to believe it, I can assure you that although I was depressed, I was not psychotic.  I was awake, it was not a dream or vision, but a real, tangible happening, that for some reason was to become just one of many that I had to learn to deal with and understand…

Laying in bed one night, feeling terribly depressed, just like many other nights I called out to God, begging… ‘Please help me.  Tell me who my guides are so I can call on them to help me.  Dear God, help me feel better!’.  Suddenly from just above me, to the right, I heard a ‘Whoosh’ sound, and saw a large hand emerge out of nowhere.  As the hand opened in the darkness of the room, I saw that it held a large white egg in its palm.  Though stunned, I felt elated!  God had finally heard my cries of despair and was giving me a gift. I reached out my hand and took the egg that was being offered to me.  I could feel its shell, but when I examined it more closely I saw two large holes in it. The hand and the egg disappeared. But as I lay contemplating this miraculous manifestation, I felt disappointed about the broken egg! ‘Why was it broken?’ I wondered, as I lay in bed, trying to come to terms with what I’d just experienced.  I pinched myself to make sure I was awake, and looked around the room to make sure I was still where I should be. Suddenly I felt something touching my breasts.  As I looked down in disbelief I could see and feel my flesh moving underneath my nightdress, as though hands were groping me.  But there was no other human in the room! As the groping became more intense I tried to move but couldn’t.  I didn’t know what to do, as I didn’t know what the hands would do to me next, and in sheer terror I screamed out loudly ‘Fuck off…leave me alone’, repeating it a few times before the groping finally stopped.  I didn’t sleep for a week after that!

Seems far-fetched doesn’t it.  Regardless, this happened to me!  I didn’t imagine it happened!

We live according to human rules, which we ignore or deviate from if we choose.  But when we enter into higher consciousness, there are strict energetic, universal laws that come into play, that will never change, regardless of how much we try to prise them one way or another.  The law of attraction dictates that like attract like, so needy people who seek solace through the spiritual world, will attract needy spiritual beings on other dimensions.  If you are angry, depressed, proud or whatever, when channelling you will most certainly draw spirits toward you that match your agenda.  This is no accident, as dealing with the troubled spirit allows healing and learning for both parties, according to the law of reaction which states ‘What you give you get!’.

When we do make contact with a spirit, and it tells us things, we should remember not to trust them until we get to know them better, and have proven their help is actually helpful to us.  As whilst there are beautiful guides available to help us, the spiritual world contains both light and dark entities, just like good and bad humans on earth.  Meaning there are some dark spirits out there who want to con us, because they want something from us.  Namely our energy!  Because when they can nestle like a parasite into our energy field, they can survive using our power.  Where eventually as they become stronger, they try to overtake our personality and live our life as their own.

You may think your guides will help, the angels will protect you.  But are you sure your guides are working for the highest good?  And are you experiencing your own feelings – or are you picking up on the feelings of an earthbound entity that has attached itself to you, because you’re feeling as bad as it, where like attracts like!

It’s a wonderful experience when we make contact with the energy of an angel, or higher spiritual guide.  Their sublime energy embraces you as you feel the warmth of their touch, or sense their presence, or  hear their words of comfort in your mind.  But it’s a different matter when you are touched by a dark entity, whose craftiness and despairing need clings on to your energy, sapping your strength and will.  The problem is, if you are already over-burdened, you may not even recognise the deepening depression, the extra-anxiety, the intensifying  feelings of heaviness on your shoulders.  You may think it’s just you!

If ever I’m in doubt, I close my eyes, put my attention to my mind, and say this out loud three times…

‘I ask my higher guides to remove all negative energy/entities from my energy system’.

I then try to sense energy rising upwards, from my body, leaving through the top of my head.  Try it whenever you feel low, see what you think!

We can choose to develop our sensitivity to such a level that we can feel other people’s pain.  We can hear their thoughts before they acknowledge them, we can sense what they are feeling and why, before even they are aware.  This is what happened to me a few years ago, where after working so hard to make myself more sensitive, my need for sanity meant I had to learn how to desensitize myself, because it didn’t feel good in any way. Opening our mind to higher consciousness means we’re able to see the truth of the world.  But we’re not used to this level of honesty and clarity, so as we try to make sense of our experiences, it can freak us out!

There are many who dismiss clairvoyance as ‘just imagination’, refusing to accept there is a spiritual reality at all. Simply because they cannot see, hear of feel what the medium can.  It’s for this reason that psychics have been classified as fraudulent, psychotic, insane, or simply having a vivid imagination.  But I am genuine and my experiences felt very real! Such as messages that proved correct, guidance that helped me and others.  Extraterrestrials who gave information about the birth of mankind and its development.  It also felt very real when I was sitting having a cup of tea one morning, when a native American guide manifested unexpectedly in front of me.  That was a total surprise I can tell you!  But these are the good things.

The bad elements also felt very real.  The aliens exiting from open vortices into our world, the hideous soul energy of murderers who still believe they have the right to harm others, the terrible pain of discarnate souls who committed suicide to find some peace, but are still earthbound.  The terror that rose in me during times I realised entities had firmly attached to me, that could drive me to the brink of insanity.  The worst of these times happened in 1987, 1996 and 2006.  Where the struggle to regain my personality after breakdown, felt very real I can assure you!

My experiences have proven the spiritual world is real to those who have opened their mind, consciousness and heart.  Images we see through our mind can be real or imagined – this is the predicament.  How do we know truth? I tried to conduct my spiritual behaviour according to my egotistical nature and its rules.  But it doesn’t work like that in the spiritual world! My energy was weak because I lacked self-confidence. I wanted to help them, but fear was so deeply ingrained within my personality that I made myself a target.

I hate it that I’ve had to experience the dark side of spirit.  I don’t feel a victim, as I know that whatever has occurred was for a valid reason. But when we lack experience, and are being fed energetically harmful information, our logical mind and physical personality can implode. Causing enormous overwhelm to our sanity, because we find it difficult to work out what is real and what isn’t any more!  Leading us to fear, with increasing terror, that we are losing our sanity, because we cannot control or stop the dark images, thoughts and feelings, that we have unwittingly welcomed into our personal energetic world!

I would clarify at this point that there are those who suffer mental health problems, for a variety of reasons, who are delusional and claim to have spiritual visitations. Where it’s vital they receive appropriate expert help.  And I accept that sometimes it’s difficult to determine if a person is unbalanced, authentically channelling information or just cold reading (as the experts call it).  My concern is, our soul energy is awakening to the call of natural evolution. Meaning we will all become more intuitive in the not too distant future.

But what will happen when your mind opens to other dimensions.  If you doubt spiritual reality, will you automatically assume the person who receives channelled guidance to be delusional, including you?  Because if so, you could hold yourself back by denying the crucial help you need! Or will you throw yourself in at the deep end, and just believe whatever you are told by beings you deem as having higher intelligence, when they have not?

This is the predicament mentioned earlier!  We live adult life according to what we were told as children.  We believed what we were told, even if it wasn’t true, because regardless, we thought ‘they’ knew better than us.  This is the same when we start to channel.  We believe spirit is good because that is what we’ve been told. We create new beliefs around our mediumship, and experience a new sense of power that we have another world at our disposal! It can make us feel very powerful, elated, in control, all-knowing and seeing.  It can also destroy our lives unless we close our mind, reject the images and allow our consciousness to come back to physical earth.  Then, next time we start communicating with other dimensions, once we’ve recovered our lucidity and trust we are sane, we will remain in control of our mind, take it more slowly and not believe every spirit is good, or knows best.

So we have to make up our own mind about what to believe, when we catch sight of dead people, angels, our guides and other entities.  And decipher whether our imagination is just running away with what we think we should be seeing, or even what we’re most afraid of seeing.  But maybe we need help to do just that!  What are your thoughts?

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Life is glorious, life is magical, but life is so bloody hard at times, I’m amazed that so many of us survive for as long as we do.  The human body is a miracle, in that something so fragile as our skin, organs and bones can withstand so much pain and trauma, yet we still live, we still breathe, we still survive – somehow!

But when our mind becomes broken, our world stops.  And as we enter what I can only describe through personal experience, as the hell of insanity, instead of us being in control of our mind, our desperate, destructive thoughts compel us to take action that can harm us or others, because it, our negative personality, has taken control of us!

And even though we still breathe and survive, we stop living for a time, until we regain our sense of self, and can start to rebuild our confidence enough to start living our life again.  But even then, we are so scared by what’s happened to us, and afraid that it might happen again, we can if we’re not careful, teeter anxiously on the verge of insanity for the rest of our lives!

Many people are living on the edge of the proverbial cliff at the moment, due to the political and financial climate that affects us all in some way.  This means most of us are under extra stress. And whilst most people cope with their situation and how they are feeling, there are many who don’t!  People of all ages whose thoughts and emotions juxtaposition themselves into a crisis that cannot be contained within their over-filled anxious mind, and where lack of control over their life and their self creates an emotional or mental breakdown that can take months, or even years to recover from.

You don’t have to be weak to have a breakdown. You can be strong and resilient.  You can be resourceful and energetic.  You could be positive and have good intentions – but when that overload occurs, none of this seems to be enough to withstand the torrent of negativity that surfaces, as a consequence of repressed emotion, depression and anxiety, that leads to breakdown.

There are many causes of breakdown, including basic things like too much stress, boredom, emotional disturbance caused by addictive dependencies etc.   In fact anything that creates what we perceive as an irresolvable  problem for us, makes us susceptible to breakdown. Because as we struggle to work it out, and can’t, we focus our creative mind on impossibilities that create a spiralling energy, that can overwhelm and debilitate us even more, eventually tipping the balance that allows our negative mind to gain overall control of our sense of logic – because we’re too tired to fight our thoughts any more!

Another cause of breakdown is when we seek entry into the spiritual realms, where our vulnerable consciousness is unprepared for the force of negative energy that we expose ourselves to, when we open our mind to the unknown spiritual forces that exist.

And whilst in any breakdown, the negative mind will do it’s utmost to keep us paralysed in fear, until we become strong enough to challenge it once more and regain control.  Spiritually induced breakdown is different, in that our negative thoughts and visions may just be true on a different dimensional level, and what we witness real.  Where trying to survive our extreme terror, as we strive to define true reality, causes us our biggest problems!

As we recover from breakdown, it’s normal to wonder if life will ever return to normal.  Our traumatised self doesn’t find it easy any more to do simple tasks, to plan simple things in advance, to do simple things that bring us pleasure.  But this doesn’t mean that life cannot or will not be good in the future.  It just means that somehow we have to find a different way to live life, to look after ourself.  And identify a better way to manage who we are and what we do.

This journey is a process, that can take a long time. Because it involves walking a path of stepping-stones that lead us on slowly but surely to the next stage of our life.  Where as our mind, confidence and emotions heal themselves, just like our broken bones do, we can if we look hard and long enough, find the true purpose for our existence, that can allow us accept that our suffering has been worthwhile!

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