Getting unstuck…!

Sometimes, when we feel stuck, we don’t realise that we’re not actually moving anywhere, because we’ve reached a crossroads in our life where we have to make a decision, and decide which road to take.

Many people fail to move beyond this point because they don’t know what decision to make, or what action to take.  So they stay in the same place, treading water so to speak, getting more and more frustrated…and afraid that their life will never change! Whilst their mind and their habits become more deeply ingrained, and harder to change.

The important thing to remember is that we are an energetic being, living in an energetic world.  So if we stop ourselves moving out of our comfort zone, our energy will not flow correctly – leaving us feeling stuck!

However, we must realise that we can choose to take any road that feels right for us, and if it turns out not to be, then we can take the next exit point off and get ourselves back on the right track.

Another hurdle that stops us moving beyond our stuck points is when we believe the decision we make to move to the next stage of life, has to be a permanent solution or resolution.  But the truth is our pathways, just like our problems, can change at any time.  There is no real permanence to any situation or relationship, as everything in life is transitional…!

I’ve had a little book for many years, that I often use as an oracle.  Written by Susan Hayward…titled ‘Begin it Now’. ISBN 0959043942.

The book contains various useful quotes to help us find clarity and guidance.  I thought I’d include one in this blog, as the words were so pertinent to this topic of being stuck….

‘A step in the wrong direction is better than staying on the spot all your life. Once you’re moving forward you can correct your course as you go. Your automatic guidance system cannot guide you when you’re standing still!’

Written by Maxwell Maltz.

So, the important thing to remember is, when we’re feeling stuck, take some form of action that will move us off the spot, and get us unstuck.

We cannot always know our decision is the right one, until we’ve moved on a bit.  But if we don’t do anything, we cannot move anywhere and nothing will change for us!  Our destiny awaits…but we have to walk our pathway to reach it!

So however small, make that decision today, to change your habitual stuck behaviour that may feel safe…but is suffocating you and your creativity!

And although change can feel really scary, living with a mind that is filled with fear and regret, can feel like being tortured…every minute…of every day…!

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The Search – The Resolution – The Purpose…!

It’s easy to believe that our life, and all that it consists, is all that there is for us!

Our individual experiences, challenges, hurts and pleasures make up an existence that we accept as being normal, and become engrossed with…as we face one hurdle after another.  Stopping, starting, faltering, rising and falling, as we attend to, or try to ignore our thoughts and emotional prompts, that attempt to force us into unknown territories we have no concept of. Yet have to visit, in our search for happiness, success and peace of mind!

It’s no wonder we want to find a way to stop our confused suffering!  Many seekers are asking…’When will this all end…?’.

But who would’ve believed that we would find ourselves in the position we are today…?  As whilst many have been avidly searching for ways to find spiritual enlightenment, freedom from fear, increased connection to God energy, believing that their life would become dramatically improved once they have mastered these many skills, it’s emerged that so far, the things we’ve done in the past to improve ourselves and understanding of life, is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg…!

As whilst we’ve been focused on letting go of our individual past conditioning, that supports our fears and bad habits, I don’t think we realised just how B..I..G our search was going to be!

Whilst so many people have bravely accepted the challenge to change who they are, and have been dedicated in their quest for self-improvement and soul expansion, there are still many areas of life that have been neglected, because we never realised they existed!  And whilst we believed that our ultimate aim was to conquer ourselves, it’s slowly emerging that our true purpose is so much more than that…!

‘WHAT…’ you might say…’YOU MEAN I’VE DONE ALL THAT WORK – AND SUFFERING – FOR NOTHING?’…!

AND – does this mean I’ve got to KEEP suffering?…!!

Well the simple answer is ‘NO’ to both questions!  However, whilst we believed our remedial actions were leading us to a specific resolution, namely we would feel happier and more content once we reached a certain point of self-achievement, the true purpose for our existence is only just becoming apparent.  As our purpose for being alive at this time is to not only change ourselves, but to also….CHANGE THE WORLD!!

And as we well know, that takes time…!

‘OMG – not more of that crap!!  Isn’t that what we’ve been doing anyway?’……..Yes…I can hear you!!

We knew didn’t we, that changing ourselves would make a difference to the whole!  We recognised that confronting our own limitations would lead others to do the same, creating a ripple effect that would increase as we grew in self-knowledge, self-power and most importantly, self-control!  And just to reassure you, nothing associated to these changes has been wasted…everything has been purposeful!

So what I’m saying is that whilst we may have planned our evolutionary journey, say from A to Z (because that is the alphabet we know); and we measure our progress by feeling somewhere in-between A and Z…. what if ‘Z’ was not the true end point…?  What if, instead of being a twenty-six lettered alphabet, there were more letters for us to learn…say another thirty, sixty, or even a million or more letters we knew nothing about, but nevertheless still existed as part of the alphabet? Where would we be then…?

I believe that is the position we are in now – where we’ve progressively worked our way through various restrictive, damaging elements in our life – that we knew about.  Not that we’ve overcome them all, I have to add – simply that we’ve become aware of them, and so can find a way of positively managing them so they fail to hinder our existence as much!

Consequently, because of our evolutionary progression and position, we are facing the gradual emergence of unknown energetic aspects of life, that we effect and are affected by. But whereas hurtling into the unknown would have thrown us into chaos a while back, now, because we’ve been working on ourselves to control our reactive nature, we will have the skills to stand steady as the new future emerges and shows us what we need to do next!

Facing the unknown can make us scared…but when we realise that we don’t have to plan, manipulate or protect our future, we’re more likely to be able to just…GO-WITH-THE-FLOW!

And maybe that’s what we’ve been preparing for…to be able to…LET-GO… of the need to control and cajole people, things, situations, in order to placate our own needs.  And to allow ourselves to remain in trust; confident in our knowledge that we are protected, as we are being guided. Knowing that if we do fall, we can quickly and easily rise again, because we haven’t been crushed into shattered pieces!

There is a rationale to life that although has always been there, we’ve not seen, simply because we could not comprehend it.  We’ve been fighting the War Of Ego, where our minds were locked into regions that were within the parameters of human existence, and our limited understanding of what life meant.

But whilst we thought our search for resolution meant simply freeing ourselves from ego limitations, we’ve limited our potential for growth, because we’re still working toward control of something!  And, just like the possibility of the extended alphabet, we only knew what we thought we knew! But there is more to come yet…and even though we don’t know what it involves yet, I believe there is an end purpose that is more beneficial to us than we could possibly imagine!

The world is a wonderful place to be at this time, because we have the opportunity to experience change never seen or experienced before.  We have a chance to see things put right that were wrong.  To see the sick healed!  To witness the birth of a new nation of children that will evolve into mighty warriors that will protect nature’s gifts to our world!

We are here to see all this.  We are the creators of all of this.  We have the right to become the new people.  People who can love each other without prejudice.  People who care about how others hurt!  People who place peace of mind and heart above the need for materialistic toys.

But the real benefit, the real gift of being alive at this time is that we get to see it all emerge – the future we never knew about.  The elements of life we’ve yearned to experience, that were always there in the background, waiting for the right time to show themselves to us.  Waiting until the time came, when we could control our reactions enough, to not destroy what we did not understand…!

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Inside The Mind of a Fat Person (3 – Food, Glorious Food!).

Although I’d decided to write a series of articles under the title ‘Inside The Mind of a Fat Person’, I’ve found myself really struggling to get started on this third one. So I needed to identify why I felt reluctant to write more on this topic, as I’d already faced my personal demons and taken the challenge to expose my ‘fatness’ to the world, when I wrote the first article on this subject.

However, after examining my reluctance a bit more closely, I was quite surprised to find that I’d been avoiding writing about being fat because…

1) I didn’t want to be perceived as a ‘victim’!

2) I didn’t want to be condemned for not losing the weight!

3) I didn’t want to be criticised for speaking my truth!

4) I didn’t want people to pity me, or feel sorry for me!

In fact, if I’m totally honest with myself, I’d say the basis of my writing difficulty was that I didn’t want to be seen, noticed or even acknowledged!….Gasp of frustration…Deep conditioning created over my many years, that still impacts me now…!

Blast – I thought I’d come past all of this crap!!

I don’t know why this realisation surprised me, as I know myself very well!  I know the self-doubt I face each time I make a choice, or face an important decision.  I recognise how I talk myself out of moving toward the direction that could make me feel happier and more fulfilled, because I feel ashamed about the way I look!  I totally accept that I am the controller of my own destiny…yet it still upsets me that so many of us FP put our lives on hold, until we lose the weight that keeps us rooted to the isolation of our imagination, that convinces us to believe, without doubt, that we are not good enough as we are.

It’s normal to doubt ourselves during childhood.  But when there is ‘An Issue’ present, including overweight, then life takes on an avalanche of unlimited possibilities for personality destruction, because the child perceives they are judged by others according to their ‘issue’, thus doesn’t know who or what to be as it matures into adulthood! In the case of obesity, life becomes filled with questions about what’s right/wrong/good or bad food, what you should/shouldn’t eat, when you should/shouldn’t eat!  What you should or shouldn’t do or wear to make you look thinner, less fat! What you must or mustn’t do to get noticed, avoid being seen,  get attention, and be acceptable or invisible to others!

Eventually, life becomes filled with self-doubt, self-debating and self-berating, where instead of embracing who we are, and allowing ourselves to reach our full potential as we mature, we struggle to find a mode of being that makes us feel acceptable to the limitations of the outside world!

In many cases we question everything, until we reach a point where we imprison ourselves in our own negative emotions, that dictate that shame and guilt rises each time we consume anything!  There is no enjoyment to be gained from mealtimes – only guilty pleasures that make us feel ashamed and regretful, after we’ve digested the delicious mouthfuls of food that just for that moment satisfied us, made us feel better, or pacified our despair!

FP/TP want to be considered normal. But how can we feel normal when we react so badly to eating something as small as one biscuit, or a couple of pieces of chocolate?  Don’t normal people eat these things?  Of course they do!  The difference is normal people usually stop when they’ve had enough. Or, if they do binge, they do not repeat it on a regular basis.  But because FP have so much emotional agenda that rises when they eat forbidden food, their impulse to eat is stimulated by the bad way they feel. Which makes it almost impossible to control their appetite, because they are being driven to over-eat by impulses created from their emotional discomfort.

Our self-perception is strongly influenced by the way we look, so when we try to manage or control weight issues that make us feel inadequate, our mind is geared-up to give us what we want to get or avoid.  The problem with this is that we create a ‘perfect rule-book’ in our mind that is often unworkable, because it’s unrealistic.  For example… we decide to go on a diet, stick at it a couple of days before our resolve starts to falter, and we eat what we shouldn’t. So we come off the diet feeling we’ve failed – we’ve blown it yet again!  This repetitive process builds-up shame and guilt energy within our persona, that guarantees we will continue to fail in the future – because we don’t believe we can succeed in our aims.

We rarely admit to ourselves that most people find it difficult to change their lifestyle.  For if we did we would see our ‘normality’! Instead we just perpetuate our shame by believing we are inferior, inadequate, incapable of success, and fat is a problem we cannot control, change, get rid of, because we’re not strong enough to hold our resolve!

FP/TP live life feeling in or out of control!  This is why life becomes so hard!  But even though we are over/under weight, even though we’ve failed on a million diets, there’s still things we can do to help ourselves, that will change our perception toward food, and help us feel more confident about what we can do!

It’s great to be able to plan ahead.  But it’s not only FP that find it difficult to fully commit themselves for any given period of time, as other addicts will attest to. So there are other ways of approaching our problems!  If we looked at our life style one day at a time for example, if we have a bad day today we make the decision to start again tomorrow and do it better.  So instead of giving up on ourselves because we’ve broken our promise to us, we persevere each day until we get it right, by making little adjustments in our life, that support healthy living.

One of the most important tasks I set myself, many years ago, was to abolish any emotional attachment I had to food!  I’d tried to do the right things and dieted all my life, yet I was still fat and unhappy!  So one day I made the decision that my relationship with food had to change, as whilst I hated being a FP, I hated being so miserable even more!

Once I recognised how I stimulated so much internal pain each time I ate, I decided to eat what I wanted – when I wanted, and make sure I enjoyed everything I digested.  If I didn’t like it I wouldn’t eat it!  If I over-ate I would enjoy the gluttonous feelings and feel rewarded and satisfied!  If I over-ate and felt nauseous, I would laugh at myself for making myself feel so bad!  I learned how to relax when I ate, instead of stressing myself out with my list of rules that I was breaking.

It took a few months of working consciously to divert my bad thoughts to neutral thinking, but it worked for me by setting me free from the ‘eat – guilt – shame – overeat’ process. Eventually, and quite naturally, I became more choosy about what I wanted to eat. I could leave food on the plate, I could resist the ‘forbidden’ foods more easily – all without forcing myself to do so!  I had gained control over my eating, by simply allowing myself to eat what I chose to, when I needed to eat!

I rarely binged and I lost some weight – even though I wasn’t dieting!  And this was how I cured myself of Binge Eating Disorder!!

So whilst I’m still fat now, food rarely stimulates my guilt or shame! I’ve broken the rules and set myself emotionally free from guilt/shame each time I crave something. And most importantly, realise that even though I am a FP, I am entitled to feel pleasure, satisfaction and enjoyment from the act of eating – just as normal-weight people do!

Life is challenging for most of us now, and pleasures are harder to find because of our high stress levels.  But food is meant to feed our body to promote good health, it’s meant to sustain us, and is a way to experience pleasure and satisfaction.  If you are a FP/TP, and your relationship with food is not rewarding, then find a way to change the rules in your mind, to break the rules of rigidity that contradict your own natural needs.

Learn to eat consciously…Eat and enjoy food, glorious food….!

Also become aware of what you eat, how you eat it, and why…!

But just remember that…. sugar acts as a poison to your body, and wheat is an allergen, so because your body has problems processing these they could make your body swell up.  If you avoid these as much as you can, you may eventually feel healthier and not have such a weight problem in the future!

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Just For A Moment I Thought I’d Won!

I bought a couple of scratch cards today, ones that I’d not played before.  They cost £3 each, and even though I didn’t have much money left for the week, the foolish, optimist and gambler part of me decided to spend £6 on these, because I might magically win the £300,000 top prize.  Or, even one of the low prizes which gave me my money back. (Honestly, I’d be grateful to get any return, as I’m already worrying about the impending bills that are on their way, which I know I’m going to struggle to pay!).

I don’t often buy scratch cards, as I see them as a con, where they are designed to capture the attention of gamblers and encourage those who are short of cash, to speculate what little they have got, on the chance they may win what they need, to sort out their life. However, I always feel a sense of excitement and anticipation when I scratch these cards, because deep down I love a gamble, so I have to limit the purchase of them!

The aim of the game was to scratch off the symbols, then match them in a line of four on the grid.  Bit like bingo, but using symbols instead of numbers.  It felt quite strange as I scratched off the symbols on the first card, as somehow my eyes wouldn’t focus properly on the symbols.  ‘What’s up with me?’ I thought.  ‘Am I losing the plot?’. I recognised the deep concern in my heart that my Macular Degeneration was getting worse and spreading to the other eye, meaning I would eventually become blind! ‘Stop that!’ I told myself, as I knew worrying wouldn’t help in any way!

But I’d got the hang of it on the second card, and as hubby watched over my shoulder I loudly declared I’d completed a line.  Yippee! ….That meant I’d won something!  Perhaps our money-luck was changing after all! And when I crossed off the prize amount, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the prize was £100! After I double checked it a couple of times, I quickly grabbed my coat and went back to the shop to collect my winnings!

It was a cold, winters day, but I just felt warm, exhilarated and joy-filled as I quickened my pace, eager to pick up my winnings!  ‘Maybe,’ I thought optimistically to myself, ‘our financial luck is really changing, and things will work out okay after all this time’. New year, new beginnings and all that – you know what I mean I’m sure!!

It felt good to be a winner, and as I handed the card to the lady behind the counter, I laughed as I said ‘I couldn’t believe it when I saw I’d won £100, as I’ve never won more than £5 on these cards before!’. I watched as she entered the serial numbers once, then twice.  She said ‘Mm. It’s not showing up as a winner, are you sure you’ve got it right?’.  I pointed to the winning line and prize money, so she tried again.  Still not showing as a winning card…!

As she called the manager over to check it, my mind sort of went chaotic, trying to rationalise what was happening.  Is their machine broke, has she put the wrong number in, is there a fault with the card, why can’t they see the winning line etc? Then, after a couple of minutes looking at it, the manager looked at me, and said the dreaded words…’You’ve scratched off a symbol that wasn’t on the list!’.

‘Aaarghhh!’ I exclaimed, not surprised really as I knew I never won anything, ever! ‘I can’t believe I’ve done that!’ I said, as I reached over to the chocolate bars. (Well, I needed something to make me feel better didn’t I?).

As I walked home, with my feelings of disenchantment, I knew it would be so easy to go into the victim thinking pattern…I’m a loser… Why don’t things work out for me…When will something good happen in my life… etc. etc! But I refrained from doing so, because I didn’t want to feel like a loser!  I wanted to feel like a winner, and just for a short time today, because I thought I’d won some money, I did – and it felt soooo good!

Like everyone else, I want to feel safe and content, lucky and privileged. But life has been so challenging over the last few years that many of us have forgotten what it’s like to feel good feelings, as we’re so filled up with anxiety and worry most of the time, that paralyses our creativity and optimism!  But it’s 2013 now, and we’ve moved into the age of Aquarius, which from what I’ve read is supposed to be better for us.

But we have to give ourselves time to change, and come to terms with the new energies that are influencing us.  And whilst we are adapting our energy, we have to be mindful of the way we are thinking, as regardless of what the situation is, the way we perceive, the way we think, determines whether we feel a winner or a loser!

I felt like I was a winner today because I thought I’d won some money.  I started to feel like a loser when I realised I hadn’t!  I never had the money in my hand, so how can I lose it?  The feelings I felt were created from the thoughts in my mind! When things worry us or disrupt our lives it’s easy to feel as though we have little control. But we have to find a way to remember that we don’t have to go down with the drowning ship (our negative thoughts).  We can swim ashore using our positive thoughts as the driving force that propels us.  We can save ourselves by maintaining control over thoughts that want to keep us small, miserable and powerless.

We are strong creatures, us humans.  And we are programmed to survive our experiences!  But getting carried along with all the fear-hype that’s being media generated at the moment will not serve us well!  So it’s important to stay steady, and remain captain of your own ship – YOU!  And when you feel yourself faltering, stand strong and announce ‘I know what I need, and make sure I get it! (The universe will provide eventually, somehow – honestly!).

I’m a strong believer in the power of the mind, so during the last couple of days I’d been doing some cosmic ordering.  I’d asked for £250,000, which would allow me to pay off my mortgage, bills and help the family do the same.  I’ve never made this request before, due to the fear associated to windfall = death = inheritance!  So even though we may not be able to evoke the source, I asked that this money come from a lucky event, lottery win.  Thus, whilst I know about the creative power of the mind, what I’m really doing now, is testing out this creative theory with regards to the elusive money, that is causing so many problems!

As I walked home from the shop today, without any winnings, I maintained control over my victim thinking by  acknowledging just how lucky I already was, to have what I’ve got!  To have love in my life, good health, my loving family and friends, and a future that contains so many infinite possibilities to create a better life for us all.  ‘I AM A WINNER’, I shouted in my mind.

But alas, because I’m human, I couldn’t help but look up to the sky and let out the soft, wailing cry… ‘Dear God, just for once in my life I would like to feel what it’s like to have some luck that brings money in to help me and my family!’.

I took a deep breath, realising I must control my futility thinking. But as I looked back down I saw a black cat run across my path!  ‘I wonder if that’s an omen’  I mused! ‘Mmmm. Tonight is lottery night.  Maybe my numbers will be picked…..!’.

Eternal hope reigns!! Happy new year everyone!

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